Episode Transcript
[00:00:15] Speaker A: Catch us, little foxes.
They're feasting on our run.
[00:00:24] Speaker B: And we are back.
[00:00:25] Speaker A: Hey, hey, hey.
[00:00:26] Speaker B: Hello. It has been a minute.
[00:00:29] Speaker A: Yeah, two weeks, man. I think that we are not very good at being consistent.
[00:00:37] Speaker B: No, that's probably one of my character flaws.
[00:00:39] Speaker A: Well, what sucks is we both have that character flaw. So it's like, oh, my God, we haven't done the podcast in two weeks. Let's do it. So here we are.
[00:00:47] Speaker B: Here we are loving life.
[00:00:49] Speaker A: Yeah, that's right. We apologize. And there's really no excuse.
I will say, though, we have been spiritually beat down the last few weeks, and the enemy is just trying everything he can do to get us to stop doing this.
[00:01:03] Speaker B: The battle lines have definitely been drawn this week or in the past two weeks.
[00:01:08] Speaker A: Yeah. And we forgot to say. Hey. So I'm Shanna and this is. Oh, I'm Michael, and this is the marriage alter. Podcast.
[00:01:17] Speaker B: Marriage.
[00:01:19] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:01:19] Speaker B: I won't start that.
[00:01:20] Speaker A: Yeah. So anyway, yeah, we've been hit pretty hard with all kinds of stuff, and the world is, like, blowing up all around us. And.
[00:01:29] Speaker B: Yeah, our last podcast was a little emotional.
[00:01:32] Speaker A: I don't remember what it was about.
[00:01:34] Speaker B: About the Charlie Kirk assassination.
[00:01:38] Speaker A: The attack on marriage and family, I think was what it was called. Yeah.
[00:01:41] Speaker B: If we lost listeners, you know, sorry. Sorry. I'm not. I'm sorry, but not sorry. You know, that's what's wrong with our world today is people are afraid to say the things that need to be said.
[00:01:51] Speaker A: Yeah, exactly. Because sometimes the truth is offensive, but it sets you free.
[00:01:56] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:01:57] Speaker A: I would rather tell someone the truth and then get freedom than not say anything and then live in this awful bondage the rest of their life.
[00:02:05] Speaker B: I've been the friend's friend most of my life. I can continue to be the friend, the fringe friend that went on the edge that nobody really talks to unless you know somebody else.
I like it over there. It's really nice and quiet.
[00:02:18] Speaker A: Yeah. Anyways, we. We are so excited, though, about what's going on with our marriage ministry and. And some things that are transpiring, and we can't wait. I mean, just in, like, a week, we'll have. Or a week and a half, we'll have some updates on that, and we're going to start. Be doing. We're going to start doing some really cool stuff in the community and offering classes and coaches, coaching and all kinds of fun stuff.
[00:02:41] Speaker B: God has definitely got us on a roller coaster.
[00:02:43] Speaker A: Never thought I would be doing this.
[00:02:45] Speaker B: Yeah. You ever seen that meme with that little kids holding the rope in her.
[00:02:48] Speaker A: Face, like, yeah, what, God's plan and then your plan or whatever. Yeah, yeah. But we're super excited, and today we're going to talk about something so fun.
[00:02:57] Speaker B: Oh, it's not fun at all because it causes so many arguments.
Money and marriage.
[00:03:03] Speaker A: Money and marriage.
[00:03:06] Speaker B: You're break out with the jingle.
[00:03:08] Speaker A: No, please, Everybody will stop listening. So, money and marriage. So how do you build unity in your finances? I think it's so important to be on the same page.
You know, one of the things that we're going to start talking about is these different areas.
[00:03:25] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:03:26] Speaker A: You call them constructs, you could call them components, whatever you want to call them. But I think there's like seven or eight that. That we, as part of our training and certification that we're going through when we work with people, we'll be taking them through these. These different areas, basically. And, you know, it's like fitness or health and. And then faith is one, obviously. And then money is.
[00:03:49] Speaker B: Money is definitely one. I think money is the biggest worldly thing other than, you know.
But I think that money causes more problem to the marriage because if you have it or you don't, and when you have it, you're supposedly happy, but when you don't have it, you are not.
And people tend to take that out on each other. Anyway, I'm on topic again.
[00:04:12] Speaker A: Well, you know, I mean, statistically, money is one of the top reasons people argue and get divorced. And I totally. I totally agree that with that. Because when you hit those rough patches in your marriage, especially if it's financial, it is so easy to turn on each other and to be like, it's all your fault that we're in this situation. Like, either maybe you were.
Maybe one of you is not good with money and you overspent, or maybe one of you lost your job or like our situation last year.
[00:04:45] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:04:45] Speaker A: You know where it was, you could have went back into nursing, and it would have helped.
But we were like, no, you need healing. And that was a hard decision because it financially was hard for us.
[00:05:00] Speaker B: It was. It was.
It's getting a little better. You know, we got some great prospects in the future.
[00:05:07] Speaker A: But I just mean the struggle of here is what I struggled with. And this is what the enemy tried to do over and over and over was for.
He wanted me to blame you all the time for the situation.
[00:05:20] Speaker B: Right.
[00:05:20] Speaker A: You know, like, it's all your fault that we don't. That we're struggling financially and we're struggling these other areas. And you you even say it's all my fault that we're going through this, but I was like, you know what? It's not all your fault. Like, that's not the way to look at it.
Right. I mean, it wasn't your fault that you ended up in the military in situations that.
[00:05:40] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:05:41] Speaker A: That caused ptsd.
You had no idea.
[00:05:44] Speaker B: So anybody who hasn't listened to all the podcasts.
I had untreated post traumatic stress disorder for years.
[00:05:51] Speaker A: What's crazy is you really didn't even know you had it.
[00:05:53] Speaker B: I didn't even know I had it. I just thought that I was. I thought I was just crazy. But last year, it came to a head with the suicide attempt. There were things that transpired before that.
Obviously I don't that right now.
[00:06:06] Speaker A: Yeah, that's. Other episodes. Go back and listen to them.
[00:06:09] Speaker B: Yeah, I have to go back and listen. Young It'll tell you, though.
But there was a suicide attempt on my part.
I spent five days in a.
[00:06:20] Speaker A: Hospital, a mental hospital.
[00:06:22] Speaker B: Mental hospital.
And I didn't realize the consequences of my actions. When it came to laughter, it was over with.
But the money.
The money aspect is a burden that I've carried since it happened because we went from what, 60, 65 a year to nothing on my end.
On my end. And when you're used to having that type of income and all of a sudden it's just cut off, you don't have that buffer.
[00:06:58] Speaker A: Well, and not to mention that I was completely commission based still kind of in those first couple of years trying to build my business.
So to say it's been a miracle that we have survived financially is an understatement.
[00:07:12] Speaker B: The money and the bills last year did not add up.
[00:07:15] Speaker A: No. When you look at my W2s and what I made, it's pathetically. It's hilarious. I'm like, I don't even know. When we did our taxes, it was.
[00:07:22] Speaker B: So bad we didn't have to pay in this year.
[00:07:25] Speaker A: They were like, oh, my gosh, y' all need help.
[00:07:27] Speaker B: Yeah, Right, Right.
[00:07:28] Speaker A: But it was terrible. I mean, like, the whole year it was. Well, I say it was terrible. But here's what God taught me about faith through that season.
He taught me how to trust him even when it looked impossible. I mean, there were months where I was going, I would tell you, I have no idea what we're going to do this month.
And I would have that urge to just go out and just get 14 jobs. Or I would tell you, we have to just. Do we have to go back into nursing or whatever. And I would lose my mind for a couple days.
[00:08:01] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:08:01] Speaker A: Until the Holy Spirit would be like, stop, stop, pray. Ask me. Ask me what I think. And I think that is the main principle when you talk about finances in a marriage, is you have to bring the Holy Spirit into it.
[00:08:16] Speaker B: Absolutely. Well, bringing God into it. Because God, you know, God is everything.
[00:08:21] Speaker A: But a lot of people separate their money from God.
You know what I mean? Like, they don't compartmentalize. The money's over here. Here's our relationship with God, here's our family. But it's all connected.
[00:08:33] Speaker B: You know that old saying, you can't put baby in a box. You can't put God in a box. God. If God's not the center of everything in your home, as far as your house should be prayed over, regardless of how you are financially, if you not. Well, financially, like, we were not, you know, some days it's still like that.
If we are not good financially, the first thing we do is pray.
I think we kind of got away from the whole.
[00:08:59] Speaker A: At first, it was a temptation to blame. I think blame each other.
[00:09:03] Speaker B: It happened a few times. You know, I would take the blame, and then, you know, there were times when I would pop off at you, you know, and like it says, I was carrying the stress of knowing that it was my fault that we didn't have any money. And then you were carrying the stress and knowing that you were the only one bringing any income in. And we were so right for divorce. They were so ripe for massive depression. Going on.
The counseling, obviously, that helped, but then, you know, it was.
[00:09:36] Speaker A: I think. And this is the whole reason we created this podcast. It was literally us and the Lord and you and I. Not every day, but most the time we pray that morning. And it's not like this. Oh, my gosh, the heavens part. And the Holy Spirit and Jesus are in our living room, and God is there talking. It's not always like that. It's just. It's the intentionality that we have of, okay, we're gonna ask the holy. We're gonna ask the Lord into this situation because we don't know what to do. Father, show us. Show us the strategy here. Show us how to handle our money or lack of, like, bring us out of poverty. Because it was. It was starting. I was starting to feel like. Like we were just destined to be in poverty.
[00:10:19] Speaker B: Well, and, you know, there's certain. Certain. Okay, so there are certain ways that lack of money can influence you, and it really depends on how you were raised. Yeah, you know me, like I told you previously, there's poor and then there's two levels before that after that, and I was down. I wasn't dirt poor. I was inner earth core poor. You know, my dad has. I think he had a fifth or sixth grade education. What kind of education dad had? Obviously he was not a learned man.
And then he has had to take.
[00:10:52] Speaker A: Oxygen and I think you said that you wouldn't let your mom work.
[00:10:55] Speaker B: Dad was that knuckle dragger, CRO Magnon man in modern times, and he would not let my mom work. I remember when they first got married, my mom was working and she was running a operating service or operator service for Southwestern Bell in Jackson, Mississippi. Mississippi. And dad got jealous and made her quit because it hurt his pride that she was making more money.
[00:11:17] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:11:17] Speaker B: He didn't try to make more himself.
[00:11:19] Speaker A: They needed a marriage reboot.
[00:11:20] Speaker B: They needed a marriage re.
Yeah, they did. But. But coming from that. Coming from that, it can go either. Either way.
Now. Your. Your family had hard times too.
[00:11:34] Speaker A: Yeah, I will throw. Throw in on that a little bit because.
So my mom and dad were both extremely like, you know, poor growing up.
However, my dad decided, I guess that he was.
He was gonna do something with his life. He was gonna. And there was just definitely like this anointing on him to make money and anointing on him to be a businessman that God really honestly just.
I don't know, he made my dad such a profitable businessman and he gave him such a mind to grow it and so, you know, just be a good steward and faithful of it. And my dad. Mom became pretty dang wealthy, you know, later in their life.
But a lot of what I know about money and finances, what is. Because he taught me. I watched him. And I ended up going into finances and mortgage and all that because of just. I guess that was something I picked up from him. Yeah.
[00:12:33] Speaker B: Your dad.
Your dad sat down with you and taught you what credit is? My dad sat down and told me to avoid credit altogether.
So, yeah, yeah. It's really important that you sit down with the youngins.
[00:12:45] Speaker A: I cannot stress that enough. Like, you know, when I was 16, my dad said, okay, we're gonna build your credit. Here's how we're gonna do it. And he had a banker that he used here in one of the banks locally, and he took me up there and I didn't have any credit, but we.
He co. Signed with me on a small little signature loan. I was bitten by a cow. That was my first year.
Yeah. I bought A. I think that year I bought a heifer and I was gonna show it, you know, during the year. So we got a little small loan. And then that whole year, you know, it's like an eight month project. And then I sold for at the end of the year. And so I would take that money and then I would pay that loan off and is usually I would make the sale with my cows. And so I would. I would make a profit and then I would. Dad would say, okay, take that, and I want you to put that in your savings, and that's gonna help pay for your college.
[00:13:38] Speaker B: Right?
[00:13:38] Speaker A: So he was always like, thinking ahead and planning and strategizing. Okay, here's. Here's a good way to get, you know, to make some money and grow it. So I just kind of had that mind going into it, but it's hard when you hit a season in your life where, you know, you can't make nothing from nothing. Like if you got nothing coming in and you're like, okay, Lord, this is gonna be a miracle. Have to be a miracle situation. In our situation, I honestly, I look back and go, it was the hand of God that we did not tear each other apart. Because, I mean, most people could not go through something like that, you know? Okay.
On top of the infidelity, on top of the suicide attempt, all that, we're also poor, you know, and it's like it was. But we survived it. And I think it's because we made a marriage altar in our home and we sought the Lord and we just asked him for help every step of the way.
[00:14:35] Speaker B: And that's where it comes in.
In the mornings. And we slip about this sometimes.
We try to most mornings have a morning altar where we pray. We read a word, you know, read the word of God. We read a couple of prayer books by one of the. Your friends.
[00:14:50] Speaker A: Yeah, Rebecca Friedlander. Shout out to her. She's amazing.
[00:14:53] Speaker B: Yeah, Rebecca Friedlander is an amazing person. Look her up there.
Speaker, author, world traveler. I'm jealous.
But inviting God into your financial conversation, give me peace.
It helped me realize that, okay, God says, come to me all you who are burdened in heavy laden. I will give you rest. Well, I was burdened because I'm the man I should be making money.
And I've never been that knuckle dragger that had to make more than you. Yeah, I never. My pride can get hurt in different ways. But if you make more money than me, man, I am so happy for you. Congratulations. You are a rock star. Ninja. But it hurt My pride that I wasn't able to work.
Being around people drove me crazy. But you have to have. But you have to have God centered.
Coming from the Christian standpoint, God centered financial relationship is so important because if you're trying to do things on your own, it's not gonna work.
You know, that woodworking business that I have, I didn't sell anything.
I didn't sell anything. And I had really nice decorations for fall. I mean, they were really good. I mean, I follow the color patterns that were. That were popular.
I sold one, I sold three pumpkins, and that was it for like 20 bucks.
[00:16:13] Speaker A: Yeah. I think God kind of.
[00:16:14] Speaker B: I think God kind of shook.
[00:16:15] Speaker A: I also think the woodworking for you was. Therapy is there, but I do think it's on point. It will, it'll generate an income. But I felt like God just wanted you to focus on healing.
[00:16:26] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:16:27] Speaker A: And I had to back up and go, okay, I got to reevaluate. Like, why?
Because this is cultural. Why do I feel like the man has to be the sole provider of the family? Gosh, this guys have so much pressure. And I know women do too. Please, if you're listening, I'm not trying to say you don't have pressure. Women do. I know it's hard during those child rearing years and you're trying to have a job and you got a kid and you're, you know, most of the time the mom is mostly the one taking care of the kids and running them around and stuff like that.
So it's hard.
[00:17:00] Speaker B: It is hard.
[00:17:01] Speaker A: But what I see, though is a lot of times still in a lot of households, there's like, especially Christian households. It's like all this pressure is on the husband to do everything. Like all of them. And it takes so much money to.
[00:17:16] Speaker B: Live nowadays in America thing is so expensive. You can't go to the grocery store without spending a hundred dollars.
[00:17:22] Speaker A: Oh, at least. But the Lord kind of got. I feel like he convicted me in saying, you need to stop.
Like you need to stop doing that to him. And you need to realize that I am the provider for both of you. And however I want to do that is on me. Like, I have that right to me.
[00:17:38] Speaker B: I've never heard you say that before.
[00:17:40] Speaker A: Well, no, he would. Yeah, he would. He would be like, you stop it. Because I would just be like, this is not, you know, I shouldn't have to be the only one. And I felt like he would say, in my spirit.
No, I'm the provider.
[00:17:53] Speaker B: Yeah. And, you know, maybe that's What God was doing this whole time is teaching us to slow down and focus on our relationship with him.
[00:18:01] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:18:01] Speaker B: Because I had a pretend relationship with him before all started, let's admit it. You know, I really did.
I was the great pretender.
But.
But after. But after everything and especially now, you know, we.
We don't get stressed out about it as much now. There are times when. When things get low and we got all this coming at one time.
[00:18:23] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:18:24] Speaker B: That we do get a little bit.
[00:18:25] Speaker A: Stressed out about it.
[00:18:26] Speaker B: But, man, I pray, I pray God, you know what? We can't do it without you, Lord.
[00:18:31] Speaker A: Yeah. And I think, like, because he's the one that's smart, right? He's the one with the plans, he's going with the strategy. He's the one that knows what's coming. He knows how to. And it's like, I feel like we get so paralyzed by fear that we forget to ask him for help.
[00:18:47] Speaker B: Right.
[00:18:47] Speaker A: And we're just over here trying to come up with some solution. And he's like, would. If you would just ask me, like, I would.
And I started doing that, and he would give me, like, these really original solutions that I would be like, I haven't tried that. And I would try it and it would generate income. And I would be like, oh, wow.
[00:19:05] Speaker B: Right. And, you know, you got to think that you got to discuss the values that you should have as a couple.
[00:19:12] Speaker A: Right.
[00:19:12] Speaker B: And it's peace of mind worth more than fancy things. Because, you know, you and I. One thing I like about you and I is that we talk about to each other and we sit down and we brainstorm and we cluster everything. Like, okay, we gotta eat. But we have this much money.
It's refried beans.
[00:19:32] Speaker A: Yeah, we've had ways.
[00:19:33] Speaker B: It's refried beans.
[00:19:34] Speaker A: A pot of beans.
[00:19:35] Speaker B: We didn't have any visitors for a while.
[00:19:37] Speaker A: Gave burritos and tacos and nachos for four or five days. And this house was, like, about to blow up.
[00:19:43] Speaker B: It was. It was not a fun situation, but. But we learned that you can still make it on a very, very tight budget like we had.
And, man, I am all about my. People at Dollar General. Shout out. Lift you up.
[00:19:59] Speaker A: Dg, what's up?
[00:20:00] Speaker B: Hey, man, that was my Walmart when I was a kid. If it had DG on it for Christmas, I was in there.
But no, I think it's really important that your values have to be similar.
They won't always be the exact same.
You know, because we're two individual people, we both have different things that we enjoy doing.
But you have to compromise on the things that you enjoy and I have to compromise on things that I enjoy just to make ends meet.
Because the enemy, that's the opening for the enemy is, is if your values aren't the same and say, I'm an outdoorsman. I love fishing. I love hunting. Hunting, whatever honking is. I love hiking.
It has been a week, man. I love hiking and I like camping and all that. Stu. Well, finances have been, have been stressed so I haven't done a whole lot.
[00:20:49] Speaker A: Luckily though, your, your hobbies are pretty free.
[00:20:52] Speaker B: Yeah, my hobbies are pretty free. Yeah, they are. I, I got, I inherited a kayak.
[00:20:59] Speaker A: Thanks.
[00:21:00] Speaker B: My brother James shout out word, I got a kayak. And you know, he gave me a bunch of fishing gear and all this stuff.
You have to prioritize your life and if your values are getting in the way of your significant other's emotional well being, then you as a man have to reprioritize what your values are. Because God gave us very, very strict rules when it comes to being the head of the household.
And I know for me it made me feel better. Now there were still times like, man, I like feeling late. You know. My brother James, he's rich, but he sent me all these pictures of fish that he's catching out at Purtis Creek Lake. And I'm like, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. And then I'll be like, he's like, when you going?
Next week?
[00:21:52] Speaker A: And you could go, you just choose not to?
[00:21:54] Speaker B: Yeah, I could go. I could go. But you know, gas was a privilege.
You know, I have, I got the biggest engine that Dodge has in gasoline and gas engine that Dodge has. So I get like 12 miles to a gallon in that big truck.
And I had to think, okay, the closest lake is 20 minutes from here. That's an eighth of a tank here in path.
And I'm thinking, okay, we may need to use that gas in case something happens.
[00:22:19] Speaker A: Yeah. Because you have to make that whole, that thing last a whole month.
[00:22:22] Speaker B: Right. And that's where our share we did though we drove your car a lot more.
But that's where shared gold and that's where shared values come in, is a unit. Okay. So the way I'm on the. I might be getting a bit long winded here. But the way that the Macedonian army fought the Persian Empire is they fought as a unit.
What they call it started with a P. I can't remember what they were. Phalanx. The phalanx Line. They had shield, and they had a spear that would come out between the shield and they would stabilize, and then they'd move forward as one unit. And no matter how hard the army tried, no matter how hard the enemy tried to penetrate that shield, they never let up.
They were surrounded three, four to one. And they still. They still decimated the Persian army.
And that's the way it is with your finances and your marriage and your home. When you're feeling overwhelmed, you establish that line of defense. And the best line defense you can have is God and the Holy Spirit and the holy angels.
[00:23:23] Speaker A: Well, you. It's like you said a minute ago, you guys have got to get into unity with the holy. You together with the Lord. Because if you're not that. That allows the enemy to get in.
[00:23:34] Speaker B: It does.
[00:23:35] Speaker A: To create confusion and to, you know.
[00:23:38] Speaker B: Well, and then it lets the enemy get in. But then old habits can come back again.
[00:23:42] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:23:42] Speaker B: You know the things that, like, for drug users out there, drug abusers, drug addict, alcoholic. A lot of men drink when the money gets tight.
[00:23:51] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:23:51] Speaker B: Because their ego is hurt.
[00:23:53] Speaker A: A lot of women use money on things that. And I felt guilty. I mean, there's been moments. I'm just gonna be flat out honest. Like a couple. A few months ago, I had a good month, and I was like, I need to get Botox. I mean, like, I was looking so old. And I know this sounds so vague, whatever, but I was. And I was like, I was having crows. The crows feet were showing up in my head, my forehead. I'm like, I look like I'm 85.
And I think. And I think I told you that I wanted to get Botox. And you were like, okay.
[00:24:23] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:24:24] Speaker A: And I felt so guilty because I'm like, okay, here we are starving. I mean, financially, fighting for our lives, like, sometimes. And then I had a good month. So I'm like, okay, I have the money. Let me go do it. So I asked you before I did it, though, because I felt like it was wrong to just do that absolutely without.
[00:24:43] Speaker B: Now we don't have that type of marriage where you have to ask me to do anything.
[00:24:46] Speaker A: No, but I think we discussed.
I think both of us have a. Okay. Hey, this is going to cost. Remember a few. Couple months ago, I joined a networking group. It was a huge.
[00:24:56] Speaker B: It was a. That was a big investment. But it's.
[00:24:58] Speaker A: And I had a good month. And I said, I. I feel like. Because God brought this opportunity, I feel like. Are you okay with me dumping this, you know, money into this and investing and you're like, yeah. I was like, oh, God. And it terrified me to do it, but I just did it.
[00:25:13] Speaker B: And one thing, communication, you know?
And I'm not talking about yelling at you. They're communicating. You got to have.
You've got to have constructive communication. And if some. If one of the partners is doing something that you don't approve of or you think is wrong, there's also something called constructive criticism.
And you control most of the money in the house, you know, but that's my choice. That's that. I wanted you to control it because, you know, every bill we have, God forbid something ever happens to you, I'm gonna be on the street because I don't even know how to pay the bills.
[00:25:50] Speaker A: I need to write it all up in a digital format.
[00:25:53] Speaker B: Yeah, but. But.
And that's usually the way every household works. Now, your household, your mom and dad were different because your dad controlled my dad did.
[00:26:01] Speaker A: But I got my dad's financial mind, so.
[00:26:04] Speaker B: And I got my dad's.
[00:26:05] Speaker A: And I have been in finances since I was 18 years old. And for whatever reason, for me, it's just very natural. And I've questioned it and said, am I just. Is it because I want to be in control? I don't know. Maybe it is. I do.
I get kind of scared if I'm not seeing the numbers.
[00:26:23] Speaker B: Well, I think it's in the blood, baby.
[00:26:24] Speaker A: I think it is, too. And I'm not saying it's bad.
[00:26:27] Speaker B: I love her dad. I do. I love her mom and dad like my own. But I think it's in the blood.
[00:26:31] Speaker A: It is. I mean, and it's not that. It's. I think it's just. That's just the way our mind works.
[00:26:35] Speaker B: Right.
[00:26:36] Speaker A: I just like to see things. I want to know, you know, I have that kind of mind where I just. I like to see. Okay, here's what I. Yeah, here's the resources I have. Here's the. Out, you know, the things I need to take care of. Do I have enough? Okay, well, no, I don't. Let's do this.
[00:26:51] Speaker B: And it's also important this goes along with communication. And I'm not talking about talking to each other. Don't yell.
Don't come at it with, I am so stressed out, I'm going to strangle you type. Just calmly come to each other and budget as a team.
[00:27:07] Speaker A: Well, you know, because you're budgeting as a team, we're kind of mentioning control. And so here's the. Here's something I think that's worth talking about is, you know, with money, why is it such a big topic? Because it's rarely just about money. It's about values, security, control, and trust. So if you look at each one of those values, that's why you have to come together and you have to rely on the Lord to give you the values. So what does the scripture say about money? What does God say about stewardship?
What does God say about, you know, giving to him and his kingdom? And you guys got to determine, like, what you think that means, because if I get into something today, I probably lose all the listeners. And that's my stance on I tithing and how I believe.
I do not believe like a lot of people. And maybe someday we'll talk about that.
[00:27:57] Speaker B: Well, we'll talk about that one day.
[00:27:58] Speaker A: Yeah. So. But if you and I are in agreement on what we feel like the Lord has said to us, then it's cool we have the same value.
[00:28:05] Speaker B: Right.
[00:28:06] Speaker A: When it. When it comes to how we see money, money is just a tool.
[00:28:11] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:28:12] Speaker A: And I think a lot of people don't see it that way, and. And they let it have way too much power over them.
[00:28:17] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:28:18] Speaker A: And then you have security. So I'm the kind of person, I don't feel really secure if I don't have thousands upon thousands of dollars of extra money in my.
[00:28:27] Speaker B: I wish we could do that.
[00:28:28] Speaker A: I wish we could. And so this year has been a test of, okay, where's my security? Is it in God or is it in.
[00:28:35] Speaker B: Well, I should have been that security, you know, because I'm the man. I'm the protector of the home. So you should have been able to look at me and say that I was.
[00:28:44] Speaker A: Okay, but is that true? Is that really true? Like, are you talking about security in, like, safety.
[00:28:49] Speaker B: Safety. Now, financial security is the. Both. Is both of us.
[00:28:52] Speaker A: Yeah. I'm talking about. I'm talking about more financial security because that is. Right. A lot of women, I don't know if men realize this, but a lot of women have a fear of not having financial security. I do. It's something I have to work through all the time with the Lord because it tries to take over my life. You know, I get so scared that I'm not going to have enough money to pay my bills or get food or just anything you can imagine.
[00:29:20] Speaker B: Well, and I think that's one way that we're blessed, is both of us. We talk about it, and both of us know what we have, what we can spend. My hardest thing about financial security is I don't say no to you.
So if we're at the gym, which we're gonna have a topic on that also.
[00:29:36] Speaker A: Yeah. Maybe next week.
[00:29:37] Speaker B: Maybe next week.
[00:29:38] Speaker A: That's another. Construct another area.
[00:29:40] Speaker B: If we're at the gym and then you say, I'm hungry. I'm like, well, you know, Chili's is right over there.
[00:29:44] Speaker A: You did say that.
[00:29:45] Speaker B: And I did. And I did say. And even though I had already eaten before we left, I was still gonna let you go over there.
[00:29:51] Speaker A: I know.
[00:29:52] Speaker B: And you have to tell me, no, we don't have the money. But me, I'm like, you know what we got? I say it all the time.
[00:29:57] Speaker A: I love that. Because it's so sweet that you.
You just wanna make me happy. And I can tell that you love me so much, you just want me to be happy, you know?
So I have to go. Okay, but do you really need that, Shannon? Do you really need to go eat at Chili's again, or do you really need to go buy that thing? You know? And I'm like, no. So I have to let the Holy Spirit kind of guide me even in purchases and stuff, because I stay out of the flesh. I don't feel. I don't feel like either one of us are materialistic people who go out and spend all our money all the time.
[00:30:29] Speaker B: I get my shoes off Amazon. I mean, you know, Walmart's my favorite place to shop.
[00:30:33] Speaker A: I have to buy you shoes once a year because you won't buy them. Like, you have, like, two pairs of shoes and one pair of jeans. I mean, it's. It's like you're just not that way.
[00:30:41] Speaker B: Right. But there. But a lot of times you have. Where one spouse is the saver and the other is a spender. We don't, you know, we've been blessed in that department. But. But that can cause a conflict because the person who saves is doing what's right for the household. But you. Then you've got the spender, and then you've got to worry about secret spending.
[00:31:00] Speaker A: Secret.
[00:31:01] Speaker B: It's the secret only between me.
[00:31:03] Speaker A: My mom is a secret spender.
[00:31:06] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:31:06] Speaker A: Woo. That woman and her and my dad. I think they've been into some little, you know.
[00:31:10] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:31:11] Speaker A: Situations.
Because mom spit the money behind his back.
[00:31:14] Speaker B: But I'm going to tell you about secret spending. It's financial.
It just left. It just went away. Financial infidelity.
That's what secret spending is. And I know it sounds harsh, and I'm not. I'm not condemning anyone, because you know what? I've been guilty of myself.
[00:31:33] Speaker A: I've done it.
[00:31:34] Speaker B: You know, I buy a coat.
[00:31:35] Speaker A: Not necessarily you, I go to town.
[00:31:37] Speaker B: I'm buying a coat.
[00:31:38] Speaker A: That's not secret spending.
[00:31:40] Speaker B: I don't tell you about it. I don't tell you about it.
[00:31:42] Speaker A: I think secret spending is like I went behind your back and spent $400 on supplements that I think are going to help me lose weight.
[00:31:52] Speaker B: Did you do that?
[00:31:54] Speaker A: Not.
[00:31:54] Speaker B: Oh, see, it's all coming out now. I'm just kidding.
[00:31:56] Speaker A: I haven't lately. But we, like for instance, there, there's a weight loss program that I've used several times and it works for me.
[00:32:03] Speaker B: It does work.
[00:32:04] Speaker A: It is so expensive.
[00:32:05] Speaker B: But it's discipline.
[00:32:06] Speaker A: But you are always like, no, I think you should do it. Go ahead. And I'm like, don't just tell me yes. Like really? Do you think?
[00:32:14] Speaker B: Yeah.
But then, okay, so here's the problem with men is we're spontaneous.
We are all men are not all men. I'm not.
[00:32:25] Speaker A: You're not?
[00:32:26] Speaker B: I'm not. Am I spontaneous?
[00:32:28] Speaker A: Well, you just said men are spontaneous.
[00:32:29] Speaker B: Well, most men, a lot of men out there are spontaneous when it comes to spending money.
If your wife tells you that you guys have $100 to last at the end of the month, which I said.
[00:32:40] Speaker A: Before.
[00:32:42] Speaker B: We ain't even had that much before.
[00:32:44] Speaker A: It's a $12.
[00:32:45] Speaker B: I thought that negative thing in there was a good thing. You know, my account's like, negative. I'm like, hey, woo hoo.
I still have 140. I could go in the hole.
But if you've got one person, that's a saver. And then you got one person who wants to budget and the other one is a secret, spontaneous spender, it's not gonna work.
[00:33:07] Speaker A: So why do you think that's financial infidelity?
[00:33:10] Speaker B: Because you're doing something behind your spouse's back and it's going to violate her trust.
[00:33:16] Speaker A: So it's basically the equivalent of like an addiction that you have.
[00:33:21] Speaker B: It is an addiction. There are spending addictions. We know people who have it. Shopping addiction, shopping addiction, gambling. You know, we know people out there who have that problem and swept under.
[00:33:31] Speaker A: The rug like it's not that big a deal, right?
[00:33:33] Speaker B: Men, you don't need 15 fishing rods if you can't catch a fish with one or two. I've got four.
And one's for worms, one's for crankbaits, one for spinner baits, and the other.
[00:33:43] Speaker A: Ones, you know, I think there again, that goes back to values. And you Guys getting on the same page. Like, if, if in your marriage, like, you know, like, for instance, I know that you care about fishing. I'm not gonna like rake you over the coals if you went and bought a couple of different rods. And because I know you care about it. The same with me, if I went and spent like you just bought me a heart for my birthday, or if I went and bought, I wanted to get a new guitar, you wouldn't tell me no. So I think there's some balance in like caring, you know, about your spouse and letting them get, you know, agree, not letting them get, but you being in agreement with them buying things sometimes for themselves.
[00:34:23] Speaker B: Right, I agree with that. But women, you don't need a hundred pair of shoes.
[00:34:26] Speaker A: True. I probably have about 30.
[00:34:29] Speaker B: If you have 17 pairs of tennis shoes to color coordinate with your pants, you might have a problem.
[00:34:35] Speaker A: Do I have 17?
[00:34:36] Speaker B: I don't think you're close. I think you have 10.
[00:34:38] Speaker A: I think I have eight or 10.
[00:34:40] Speaker B: Yeah. But some of them are kind of, some of them kind of dollar store looking. You can wear them to the dollar store and fit in. They're kind of old.
[00:34:46] Speaker A: My tennis shoes.
[00:34:47] Speaker B: Some of your tennis shoes are kind of old looking. Well, okay, okay, we're off topic. We're off topic. So let's talk about a lot of financial value.
[00:34:57] Speaker A: I think, I think a lot of, of people, why they struggle with this is because it's, it is a way that you can control.
[00:35:05] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:35:05] Speaker A: The other person.
[00:35:06] Speaker B: It is.
[00:35:08] Speaker A: So, you know, or you can control. For me, it's not about controlling anybody. It's. It's about controlling the situation. Not you, but the situation. Because I don't like things being out of control. Stresses. And I feel like, Yeah, I feel like if I'm, if I'm the one that's taking care of paying the bills and I know what money's coming in, going out, that gives me some peace.
[00:35:29] Speaker B: Right.
[00:35:29] Speaker A: You know, so I like control in that area, but it's not because I'm trying to control you.
[00:35:35] Speaker B: Right.
[00:35:36] Speaker A: And you know, I know some people that they don't even allow the spouse to have like a debit card because.
[00:35:42] Speaker B: Well, I knew a guy who was married a few years ago that his wife made him bring receipts on the gas station.
Yeah. And. And he did it for a while, but then one day he's like, you know, blank. This, this is not the way.
[00:35:58] Speaker A: Yeah. Because that's not fair. Because you're, you're making money, you're putting it in pot and you're not even getting to like, what is she over here doing with the money? I want to know. And I've. And you and I have sat down before, and I said, okay, I'm going to write this out for you. Because you'd be like, I don't understand why we're so broke. I'd be like, because here's what came in and here's what's going out this week, and then this week, and I'm budgeting for three weeks from now. And you're like, oh, okay.
[00:36:21] Speaker B: Right. And I'm looking at what came in. I'm like, why is that number so small?
It's not adding up, baby.
I guess I could sell my shirts or whatever. But I think it's important for practical tool for managing money together. There's some tools that you can use to manage money together other than prayer, which me is the most important thing.
You can go combine or communicate with each other about it. Shannon, I. We had different bank accounts.
[00:36:48] Speaker A: Yeah. Some people would freak out about that.
[00:36:50] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:36:50] Speaker A: But, you know, you send you most.
[00:36:51] Speaker B: Of the money that I told her.
[00:36:52] Speaker A: When we got married. So it's kind of different when you're older. I'm not saying.
I'm not saying that we. We shouldn't have a joint account, but because of the way that it worked for you and your schedule and your.
The nursing, it just worked better for you to just send me certain portions of money.
[00:37:11] Speaker B: Right.
[00:37:12] Speaker A: And I don't care, honestly.
[00:37:14] Speaker B: And we're. I think we just finally reset age to where we're like, I'm over it.
[00:37:19] Speaker A: Yeah. I don't care. I don't have to see every dime that you're spending in your account and you see mine. And, like, there's a trust there. I think there's some people.
I gotta be honest. There's. Some people have separate accounts. Separate lives almost, but separate accounts. And it's because somebody might be over here buying pornography.
[00:37:36] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:37:37] Speaker A: This one over here gambling. Or this one is buying alcohol. You know what I mean? Like, they're doing it because they're hiding things.
[00:37:42] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:37:43] Speaker A: Which is not why we did it, so.
[00:37:45] Speaker B: No, we did it because we already had it.
[00:37:47] Speaker A: Yeah, we already had it.
[00:37:48] Speaker B: And neither one of us ever really broached the subject of combining anything and it works for us. Right.
[00:37:54] Speaker A: And I didn't want to be in control of every single dime you have. I just. I'm like, no, just give me this X amount.
[00:38:00] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:38:00] Speaker A: And then you just do whatever you want with the rest of it, you know? Anything left.
[00:38:04] Speaker B: Right. If there's anything left. But then also at the end of the week, at the end of the month, when I'm like, okay, I need some cash for this. What do we have? Communicate how much you need. Communicate what you have. And then you guys come to turn. Come to realization, like, okay, we don't have the money for that right now, so let's wait until next week.
[00:38:22] Speaker A: We just had to make that decision.
[00:38:24] Speaker B: We did.
[00:38:24] Speaker A: I mean, we were supposed to go.
[00:38:26] Speaker B: We were really set.
[00:38:27] Speaker A: Go somewhere next week, and we just finally said, you know what?
We just don't have it. And actually, God's working it out to where we don't have to go.
It's still gonna work out.
[00:38:39] Speaker B: That's a miracle.
[00:38:40] Speaker A: It is. It's a God thing. And I was like, thank you, Lord. But, you know, and it was like, even, like a month ago when we went on the cruise, it was an act of faith when I booked that cruise, because I was.
[00:38:53] Speaker B: Well, we paid it out in payment.
[00:38:54] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:38:55] Speaker B: We didn't pay for it all up front. We could have done that. We've been on a rowboat.
[00:38:58] Speaker A: Right. But I mean, it was like, I had to. Well, we had to. And I asked you because it was my idea. I said, I really feel like we need to go on a trip. And I didn't want to go to Arkansas because we've done that a lot. I wanted to do something new.
[00:39:13] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:39:14] Speaker A: And I had the idea of the cruise, and I told you, and I.
[00:39:17] Speaker B: Was completely 100% for it the entire time.
[00:39:20] Speaker A: Yeah.
Week before. And then you started.
[00:39:24] Speaker B: I tried to fake Covid, and you.
[00:39:25] Speaker A: Loved it more than I did.
[00:39:27] Speaker B: Yeah. I tried to fake Covid. I tried to get sick or something like that just so I wouldn't be able to go. So I was in the air force, you know, who wants to?
I love boats, but only when I can see land.
It was not my idea of a good time, having two or three miles of water between me and the bottom.
[00:39:46] Speaker A: But you loved it.
[00:39:46] Speaker B: But it was so much fun. It really was a good thing.
[00:39:50] Speaker A: And I think that it was something we needed. And it was a. It was a hard decision to make because I.
I kept thinking, gosh, we don't need to do this. We need to save money. We need to. You know? But I just. I was like, I'm just gonna trust well.
[00:40:03] Speaker B: And that's where communication comes in. Like, we've been talking about. You sit down with each other and say, God wants to do this. And I'm like, okay, where can we cut back?
[00:40:11] Speaker A: Well, another example.
[00:40:12] Speaker B: Beans again.
[00:40:13] Speaker A: Yeah, another example. And I just want to put this out there because people think, oh, well, if it's God's will, it's just going to be easy and it's going to come to you, and you're not going to struggle and you're not going to hit any obstacles. Well, we felt like, you know, we were supposed to go through this certification thing with this marriage coaching, and we're going through a specific one called Mary with a Purpose. And it's amazing.
[00:40:36] Speaker B: Two wonderful people. They're Christian people.
[00:40:39] Speaker A: And it, like, we went and did our sort of our marriage reboot, and we were like, oh, my gosh, this is amazing.
[00:40:45] Speaker B: It was.
[00:40:46] Speaker A: And so now we're working through getting the certified certification, which we will have by the end of next weekend. But so it's been. It was a real investment, and it was an act of faith because it has a cost. It has a steep price tag.
[00:41:02] Speaker B: I was shocked last night when I heard what they were. The price. I was shocked.
[00:41:05] Speaker A: Well, it was. I'm talking about just for what you and I are having to pay to go through this. The certification of what it cost us.
[00:41:11] Speaker B: Yeah, it was kind of.
[00:41:12] Speaker A: And you would think that God would have just said, oh, here's a chunk of money. You guys just pay for it.
And he didn't. And he didn't. And so every month, I literally never know how we're going to make that payment, but he. He provides it somehow every month and until it's paid off. So we're just like, even in that. Just trusting him. But it was a decision that you and I had to make together. When I told you, because you were like.
Because we went. We talked to her online that day, and she told us the price, and you were like.
I said, I feel like we're.
And you were like, what?
[00:41:47] Speaker B: Well, coming from below poverty, you know, I'm like, man, that's like a year salary for my dad.
I'm sorry. I loved my dad. He's not here anymore. He passed away last year.
[00:42:00] Speaker A: But, yeah, we're coming up on that.
[00:42:02] Speaker B: Coming on the anniversary in a couple weeks.
But also, one way that you can prevent having friction in a marriage is to sign roles.
[00:42:10] Speaker A: Which is what we were just saying.
[00:42:12] Speaker B: Which you were just saying. She handles the money better. She does math in her head. I have to write it down, use my fingers and toes, sometimes a calculator.
But assign roles and strengths to people who have those strengths and don't let it be a Stereotype. Don't be like, okay, you're the woman. You cook and clean and I'm the man. I'll take care of all the, all the money and making money that's in this society today. And the way that our way, our society is. You can't make it that way.
[00:42:42] Speaker A: I don't know. Yeah, it's not even our society. I just don't even know if that's biblical. I mean, and I'll tell you why. Okay.
When you look at Proverbs 31, when it starts talking about this amazing virtuous woman, she owns businesses, she has multiple businesses. And her. It says her husband is known at the city gate. So he just goes up to the gates of the city and he's like this elder person. But she's over here running all these businesses, selling, buying land sale and doing this. And I mean it. Really, when you look at that, you're like, I don't know that we are doing things the way.
Like, I think we have put ourselves in a box in our culture.
[00:43:28] Speaker B: Right.
[00:43:28] Speaker A: And we've even in Christianity and said, oh, well, the man does this and the woman does it. Is that always the truth?
I don't know that it is. I think that you have to be led by the spirit in your family. What is he saying? Like right now, our family. Maybe one day you will be the complete financial provider and I'll be over here doing something. I don't know.
[00:43:48] Speaker B: That's a pretty promising meeting with some clients today, potential clients.
[00:43:52] Speaker A: So.
[00:43:53] Speaker B: Yeah, but mistakes are going to happen in money. You're going to get to put a zero. You're going to get to put a comma there. And mistakes are going to happen in finances.
And when that happens, it's really important that you maintain your cool. You don't shame them, you don't condemn them, you don't yell at them.
It's really important for us to reset the focus. And we've done that several times throughout the past year.
[00:44:20] Speaker A: Yeah, being older.
I think being older helps a lot.
[00:44:24] Speaker B: Well, that was one of the things that we discussed whenever we first got together is I'm over arguing.
[00:44:28] Speaker A: Yeah. We were like, I. I just can't. I just came out of arguing all the time. I just, I don't have the strength anymore.
[00:44:34] Speaker B: But we do it.
We do it sometimes. Not often, though. Every once in a while we'll have something, but then later on we're like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry too.
[00:44:42] Speaker A: I was in my flesh.
[00:44:43] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:44:45] Speaker A: So I think, I think the Main thing here is. And this goes. This goes back to so much of what we share when we.
When we go through our coaching materials. You know, the things that we notice are we have to. As a couple, we have to decide and build our future. What is it that we feel like our goal is? Is our goal getting out of debt?
[00:45:07] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:45:07] Speaker A: Okay. Is our goal saving money for retirement or, you know, what is your goal as a couple?
And you both have to get on the same page of that.
[00:45:17] Speaker B: Right?
[00:45:17] Speaker A: Because if you don't have kind of that vision, then everybody's out here doing whatever they want and everybody's getting mad at each other because you guys are on the same page.
[00:45:27] Speaker B: Right. You can't have two people doing two totally different things saying, this is the way we're supposed to do it.
[00:45:32] Speaker A: Right.
[00:45:33] Speaker B: I mean, it all comes down to what you said previously. It comes down to communication. It comes down to talking to each other, maintaining a level head, being cool. Okay? Things. Think, right?
Money is tight for everybody, for everyone. I don't know. I mean. I mean, I'm just thinking my mind, you know, you don't know how you gonna make that car payment. You don't know how you're gonna pay the electric bill. Electricity is going up and up and up. I don't know how Covid affected that, but it did.
Water bill. You got kids that are in school. You've got food you gotta put on the table. You've got a dog that gets better health care than we do.
You know, you've got to put all of that into perspective, and you've got to communicate. Your wife or your husband or your boyfriend, girlfriend has to be your best friend.
They have got to be that person you can come to and talk to them safely and comfortably without the yelling going on, Right?
[00:46:25] Speaker A: Absolutely. Absolutely.
[00:46:29] Speaker B: And when money is managed together, which we have talked about, decisions feel safer. You feel like the decision that you made wasn't just yours, so it's not going to come back and bite you anymore.
[00:46:40] Speaker A: You can't blame the other person because you guys made the decision together.
[00:46:44] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:46:44] Speaker A: And I think unity matters so much more than we realize in the Lord's eyes. There's a psalm, and I can't remember which one it is, but it's about unity. And it's like how good and beautiful it is when brothers dwell together in unity. It's like the oil that's poured onto Aaron's beard or something like that. Well, then it says at the end of that psalm, because of the unity, this is where God Demands the blessing.
[00:47:09] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:47:09] Speaker A: So I think this is so interesting, because what you see is when people come together in unity and they're unified under what God has said is, you know, true, or what he wants them to do, the purpose is there. Then he commands the blessing.
[00:47:26] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:47:26] Speaker A: So even if you're poor, even if you're living in poverty, if you come together and you say, okay, Father, what is the purpose of our marriage? What is the purpose of the next season? Financially? What do you want us to believe? For what is your will? And then you come into agreement, because that's what unity is, coming into agreement with each other and with him.
And don't turn on each other.
And he commands the blessing.
[00:47:52] Speaker B: Absolutely. And it's really important. Okay, newlyweds, you're not gonna be able to keep up with people who've been married for a lot longer than you have.
You're just learning how to be a couple. You're just learning how to handle your finances, huh?
[00:48:04] Speaker A: Figuring out your role.
[00:48:05] Speaker B: Figuring out your role in the marriage. Or is the husband going to be the outside worker? Or is the wife, when I'm out.
[00:48:09] Speaker A: Of the yard, you don't want me?
[00:48:12] Speaker B: I was just saying. I know it ain't true, but how much of the housework husband are you going to do? How much of the cooking and cleaning are you going to do?
It's really important that you learn about each other.
You manage the money that you have.
Don't be jealous or envious of others because God said, don't do that. Don't be jealous or envious of the others because, one, they probably marry longer than you have, and they've been where you are. And also listen to the people who have been there.
They. Your parents are full of wisdom. Most parents. My dad was. But most parents are full of wisdom. And they. They will tell you what you need to do. And don't take it as a personal slight. You know, don't say, okay, well, I'm married now. I know everything, man, you know nothing.
Nothing at all.
[00:48:57] Speaker A: You know nothing. Even in your 30s, you start realizing how dumb you are. Now you don't know anything.
[00:49:02] Speaker B: Well, I'm 54, and I'm still realizing that.
[00:49:04] Speaker A: Yeah, in your 40s, you start going, yeah, it's a miracle I'm even still alive, you know?
[00:49:08] Speaker B: Right?
[00:49:09] Speaker A: That's how dumb I am.
[00:49:10] Speaker B: Stay within your budget. Budget, budget, budget, budget, budget. Stay within your budget. Husbands. Talk to your spouse about saying, you know what, honey?
One a week, one day a month, a couple days a month. I would like to go and do what I like to do. Can I allocate some money for that?
[00:49:25] Speaker A: Yeah, I think. I think that humbling yourself like that and coming together in humility and asking, instead of just going behind somebody's back and using money.
[00:49:34] Speaker B: Right.
[00:49:34] Speaker A: But it's. It's like, you know, if you were to come to me and you were like, I really want to know if you care if I use this money for this, even if. Even if it was your money quote, you know? Yeah, it's. It's like a sign of respect.
[00:49:48] Speaker B: Yeah, it is. And we don't have yours. Mine money, do we?
[00:49:52] Speaker A: Well, you do have your own account and.
But you send me.
[00:49:57] Speaker B: But I send you. Majority of it. Yeah. So. Okay. So, yeah, I guess we do have hers in mind. I guess we do. But we talk about it. What's going on with that cash?
And if you're starting from a hard place, guys, it gets better. It does.
My wife and I should not even be together.
We have beat every odd. We have been spiritually attacked. God, I get emotional just thinking about how hard it has been.
To me, it was unfair the amount of attacks that Shannon's had to go through because she's such a wonderful person.
She gives herself every day. She loves people.
[00:50:40] Speaker A: I kind of have a mean streak.
[00:50:42] Speaker B: Well, yeah, well, you just do that to me. We ain't gonna talk about the rolling pins. We ain't gonna talk about the rolling pin incident where you hit me over the head. But I'm just kidding. But if it's hard right now, don't give up. Don't argue. Don't blame each other because you're.
Please don't turn on each other because I'm telling you, what the enemy is doing right now, what Satan is doing right now is attacking the one thing that's keeping our society together, and that's a dual parent home.
[00:51:07] Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely.
[00:51:09] Speaker B: Your kids need both of you. Your kids need you present in their lives. Your kids need that male influence. And women, I don't care how masculine you think you are, you're.
Am I stepping on toes? I say you're not a man. You're not a man. Men. You're not a woman. I cannot take my wife's place. I don't want to take my wife's place. She can't take my place.
[00:51:30] Speaker A: Because I know I'm not as strong as you. It's ridiculous to think that I could lift as much weight or run as fat, whatever. I can't.
[00:51:38] Speaker B: But come together.
Combine your strengths. Combine your weaknesses and build up that phalanx wall, build up that Macedonian wall against Satan's, against Satan's attacks. And no matter how hard things are, look, man, we had beans and rice, rice and beans for a while it.
[00:51:57] Speaker A: Wasn'T even good for rice.
[00:51:58] Speaker B: It was just beans. When we got meat, finally we're like, oh my God, this tastes so good. It's like 80, 20 meat or something like that when we drank the fat.
[00:52:07] Speaker A: But it's really not funny. It was so hard.
[00:52:10] Speaker B: But it was so hard, you know, because when I was travel nursing, we were doing pretty well, but. But then when that ended, that's when things started getting a little bit more difficult.
[00:52:19] Speaker A: But it had to happen because if you just stayed in that, you would have never got the freedom, never would have got the freedom and I never would have known you like you would have gone multi doors. Dash. I was, I was making them millions.
[00:52:31] Speaker B: Probably right, I was too. But, but I know I've said it, I've said it one time, I've said it a dozen already. You got to be a couple, you got to be one unit, one unit against the world. Don't get jealous, don't get envious because you know what, all you gotta say, men, encourage your wives when times are tight, if you're around a bunch of couples that are able to afford that brand new car and you're driving a 10 year old car, encourage your wife. Honey, we're not going to be in this situation forever. We're going to get out of it. God's going to get us out of it. Keep God centered, stay Christ centered.
[00:53:09] Speaker A: Keep the goal of what you feel like God has said to you. So for instance, when we went through the marriage reboot, we created the finance section and we have goals. I mean right now we're in a business building mode for both of us. And we gave ourselves, okay, you're going to do this and I'm going to do this to grow your, you know, you're going to do this to grow your business. We're going to have check ins. I'm going to see how you're doing with it for accountability purposes. And so we have goals. And you know, so many years we expect to be in a certain place.
[00:53:41] Speaker B: We do. And we know we're going to be there because we have faith.
[00:53:44] Speaker A: We have faith. And even just looking at the way God's blessed my business, I think I'm over tripled, you know this, I'm going into my third year and I've definitely.
[00:53:54] Speaker B: You'Ve seen Progression every year.
[00:53:56] Speaker A: I think I have tripled every year, maybe my income in a down, terrible market for real estate.
[00:54:04] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:54:04] Speaker A: And so I suspect that the same thing is going to happen with you as you're building your business. It's going to start slow, but it's. It'll snowball at some point.
[00:54:13] Speaker B: Right.
[00:54:14] Speaker A: And as long as we're on the same page and we're doing what God said to do as a couple, then it'll work.
[00:54:21] Speaker B: Absolutely. And then you have that renewed energy and strength knowing that the creator of everything is on your side and he is the master banker. He is the master at everything.
And if you've got God on your side.
[00:54:34] Speaker A: Yeah. Even today you said, I'd love to tell you where you would tell that story about how you went to town today and you were passing out cards and you said, ask the Lord.
[00:54:46] Speaker B: I asked. Okay. So I'm very.
[00:54:49] Speaker A: Finances.
[00:54:50] Speaker B: Yeah. It says to the finances. I'm very closed off person. I don't. People, you know, that's just the way I am. Shannon's the people, actually. But I think it, I can't fake it till I make it. So what I did today is, is with my business. I started off with a new, with a new company and they don't provide anything for you. You've got to go out and get your own leads and your own business.
Basically, I'm a door to door.
[00:55:16] Speaker A: Just like me.
[00:55:16] Speaker B: I mean, yeah, we're both commission based.
So I got in my truck, I was nervous, man, I'm sweating and it's only like 81 degrees outside and I'm sweating. I'm so nervous. So something just told me just to stop.
So I put my truck in park and I sat there.
You breathe and you say, okay, God, where do you want me to go? And I'm telling you, I made eight contacts today.
[00:55:41] Speaker A: I love that.
[00:55:42] Speaker B: Every single one of those people that I talked to were very accommodating. They were very. You could tell they had the aura of a Christian on them. They were very, very nice. They were very accommodating.
One even begged me to bring my business in there to her shop.
So, yeah, that's what happens when you let God steer.
Now, I'm not saying take the hands off the steering wheel.
[00:56:04] Speaker A: No, I just love it because I mean, basically this whole episode is about inviting God in. Right. And so, you know, whether that be your marriage and your finances and your marriage or whether it be your business, it's like, okay. I think so many people just kind of just don't think about, hey, did you specifically ask the Lord today?
Show me, especially if you're self employed, show me today, Lord, how to grow my business. What do you. What can I do and help people at the same time? Because I believe what you and I do. It's helpful to people. I mean, I sell more. Well, I don't say sell. I advise people in the mortgage space. You advise people in the life insurance space.
So those matter.
[00:56:48] Speaker B: Right. Because you need both.
[00:56:49] Speaker A: You need them.
[00:56:50] Speaker B: But. And I like the way that Shay and I approach it because we're honest.
[00:56:54] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:56:55] Speaker B: We don't sugarcoat it. I'm not gonna lie, you know, I'm not gonna lie about, okay, this insurance here or this one there, you gotta be honest. And God's gonna reward honestly.
[00:57:06] Speaker A: It's really all about getting into unity with him. And like, I just can't get over that. Like the, the three strand cord is not easily broken. But also, like, once we come into agreement with him, then he's going to bless it because we're doing his will.
[00:57:21] Speaker B: Right.
[00:57:21] Speaker A: And he blesses his will.
[00:57:23] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:57:24] Speaker A: So I think it's all about.
Yeah. Inviting him in, like we were saying, and just creating that goal.
[00:57:31] Speaker B: Right. And the reason why the morning altar to me is so important is that you don't leave the house.
[00:57:36] Speaker A: Yeah. It's hard to be mad at each other if you pray.
[00:57:39] Speaker B: It is hard. We tried a couple of times, but.
But I think, I think we'll make him rest.
Is. Yeah.
[00:57:49] Speaker A: We're at an hour, so that's perfect.
[00:57:50] Speaker B: Yeah. So I'm just going to come up with a prayer here that we can close this with.
Okay. And let's just say, God, we invite you into our finances.
Help us to steward what you've given us well.
Give us wisdom, grace and unity.
Where there's been strain, bring peace. Where there's been confusion, bring clarity. Let our finances reflect your priorities and your peace.
Amen. If you've got God in control of everything, you will have more peace than you've ever known.
That's the truth. I know. I was so insane last year. I was so insane.
Everything was just so overloading. And now that God is in control of my marriage, I get emotional. Just think about the love of the Lord and how much he's done for us.
[00:58:42] Speaker A: He is so good, how amazing he is and how loving and kind he is. And I think he's so misunderstood.
He's so thought of as being cruel and a taskmaster and, you know, non merciful, but he's so wonderful.
[00:58:59] Speaker B: He is, and he wants you to come to him. He says, come to me, all ye who are burning heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
And God is not a God of lies. He cannot lie because that would make God, not God, come to the Lord. Please center him in your marriage. If you're having financial strain, that is when you need God the most.
Because the enemy is going to use that to try to cause you to get a divorce. Don't play the blame game. You're in this together. If one person does something they're not supposed to do or said they weren't going to do, and they do it anyway, when it comes to money, say, okay, because you did this. These are the consequences. We can't go to that movie on date night. We can't buy that pizza, or we can't. We can't go hang out with our friends because you spent that money on something that you want.
Don't punish them by yelling and screaming and accusing.
Tell them the consequences of their actions. Don't treat them like a kid. You know, don't treat them like a kid. Because I don't. I don't handle well being treated like a kid. Kid. I'm gonna tell you right now, I'm pretty blunt about it. But stay as a unit. Build up that shield wall and resist the enemy.
[01:00:07] Speaker A: Well, you know, Satan is the accuser of the Brethren.
[01:00:09] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[01:00:10] Speaker A: So that. That is his job. So he's always trying to figure out a way especially to divide husbands and wives.
So you. It can be tricky. I have to. I have to constantly go before the Lord and not just because of our marriage, but it just. In just being in this world, not getting offended.
[01:00:27] Speaker B: Well, we should want to go before the Lord, right?
[01:00:29] Speaker A: And I have to go before him and I have to confess that I'm a little bit offended about something or I'm feeling frustrated, or I want to take it out on you because it's your fault that we don't have any money, blah, blah, blah. Those are all lies that Satan whispers all the time to me. And I just have to refuse. You have to take a stand and you have to refuse to believe them. And you confess it to the Lord and you ask him to give grace and peace because it's here. It's not about fault.
[01:00:55] Speaker B: It's not about fault.
[01:00:56] Speaker A: Okay. We live in a fallen world. I mess things up. I have royally messed things up before, too. So I can't cast stones in judgment when I've done stupid things before, too.
[01:01:07] Speaker B: You got those rings for A reason. Guys, you got those rings because for better or worse, don't let the worst make you take that ring.
Keep that ring on. Let it be a constant reminder.
I love this woman that I'm with. And I love her more than money. I love her more than my fishing. I love her more than my things. And she should love you more than shoes. Her girl nights, purses galore.
She should love you more. You should love him more.
You should love her more in everything.
[01:01:39] Speaker A: And I think something that people need to get a perspective shift. And I've had this before. Where would you want to marry somebody?
And you guys were loaded and you always had money and there was never a struggle.
Here's why I say that. Because how do you know if that person ever really loves you if you never had to go through the bottom of the bottom with them?
If you stay in it and it's the worst ever, then you know that you really love each other. And I would rather have that in real, authentic love than have all the money in the world and never really know if that person loved me.
[01:02:19] Speaker B: I'd eat refried beans with you every week.
I would, just because I love you.
And we got the recipe down, too, man Per.
[01:02:28] Speaker A: Listen, that's a really good recipe. It's so easy, and it's super healthy.
[01:02:33] Speaker B: Yeah, it's super healthy. Anyway, I would eat refried with you any day of the week, baby.
But look, guys, stay faithful out there. Stay the course. The world's turned upside down right now. Just stay the course. Love each other. Love conquers all. Jesus kept us one commandment. What was that?
[01:02:51] Speaker A: That you will love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind. Love one another as you love yourself.
[01:02:57] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely.
That's it. Guys. I hope you'll have a blessed week.
My lovely wife is going out of town. She's been here for three days. I wish her nothing but the best and Godspeed on that.
I do ask for your prayers during that time just to make sure she gets the blessing that I feel like she built.
Peace out, guys.
[01:03:15] Speaker A: All right. See you next time.
[01:03:16] Speaker B: Bye.
[01:03:19] Speaker A: Will you break my chains?
And oh, my love don't let it grow cold in the night.
