Guarding Your Marriage Against Busyness and Burnout

[00:00:15] Speaker A: Catch us the little foxes. They're feasting on our run. [00:00:24] Speaker B: Their crew. [00:00:26] Speaker A: Well, hey there. [00:00:27] Speaker B: Well, hey there. It has been a long time. Been almost the whole week. [00:00:30] Speaker A: The whole week. [00:00:31] Speaker B: How are you? [00:00:32] Speaker A: I'm good. [00:00:33] Speaker B: How are you? I'm doing good. [00:00:35] Speaker A: What was your name again? [00:00:36] Speaker B: My name is Navidad. [00:00:40] Speaker A: Thanks. [00:00:43] Speaker B: It's a little bit early for that, but I got this Christmas thing. For some reason, I got it in my head. At Christmas, the whole world is happy. I ain't seen a happy world in a very long time. [00:00:51] Speaker A: Yeah, that's true. [00:00:53] Speaker B: Yeah. But anyway, welcome to the Marriage Altar Podcast. My name is Michael. This is Shanna, my lovely wife, Shanna. [00:01:00] Speaker A: Banana. Banana. [00:01:02] Speaker B: Banana. [00:01:03] Speaker A: If you ever wonder, like, how to say it, that's how you say it. [00:01:06] Speaker B: Yeah, that's right. [00:01:07] Speaker A: Okay. [00:01:09] Speaker B: So anyway, we're glad to be here for our six. [00:01:13] Speaker A: I think this is number seven. [00:01:15] Speaker B: Number seven. See, I'm losing count already. [00:01:18] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:01:19] Speaker B: And we got a fun show today, I think. So it's just a topic that I really need to be discussed. [00:01:25] Speaker A: I. I do want to discuss it. I also want to say real quick, we have had an adventurous week. It has been men. I feel like the devil is on a rampage right now. And, you know, we talked about spiritual warfare a few weeks back, and it continued. The saga continued. [00:01:43] Speaker B: For whom he can devour. [00:01:44] Speaker A: Yeah. And he's definitely not liking us doing these podcast episodes, so we're gonna do them anyway. [00:01:50] Speaker B: Yeah. Shanna has been sick with some mystery thing. I thought maybe it was Covid. She told me it wasn't so. Happy wife, happy life. And now today, I'm not feeling all that great. [00:02:01] Speaker A: And then the nightmares. We were attacked in our sleep. We both had nightmares. And. And it was so weird. It was so. I could tell it was prophetic and it was. It was so spiritual. [00:02:11] Speaker B: It was. It was very spiritual. I think that we're doing what God wants us to do, and I think that Satan doesn't want us to do what God wants him to do. [00:02:20] Speaker A: Yeah. And I would say if you're listening to this and you have this thought or this belief that, okay, I'm doing what God told me to do. It's going to be easy. No, it's not going to be. [00:02:30] Speaker B: The moment that you say it out loud becomes a hoard of demons. [00:02:34] Speaker A: It's probably going to be harder, but. [00:02:36] Speaker B: You have to just shut up and keep it to yourself. Don't say it out loud. [00:02:42] Speaker A: Right, Right. Just keep it on the. On the down low for a while. But. So this week, though, we decided that we would kind of continue a little bit spin off of last week, which if you didn't listen to last week, I think we laughed almost the whole time. [00:02:58] Speaker B: And laughter makes the heart grow fun. [00:03:00] Speaker A: Yeah, we talked about the need for play and fun and laughter in your marriage. So if you didn't hear that one, go back and listen. And this one, we're just kind of spinning off of it. And we're talking about guarding your marriage against busyness and burnout. [00:03:17] Speaker B: Busyness, that evil word. [00:03:19] Speaker A: Busyness and burnout, man. [00:03:21] Speaker B: B U S Y any yeah, yeah. [00:03:25] Speaker A: Not business. Busy. [00:03:26] Speaker B: I looked it up wrong way the first time. Like, this is not. [00:03:29] Speaker A: But you know, your business could be busyness. [00:03:31] Speaker B: It sure could. And usually that is where the business comes from. Unless you got a gossip for a while. [00:03:37] Speaker A: Well, I'm just saying, like, hey, if you own your own business like we do, we have multiple businesses. It's actually worse. [00:03:44] Speaker B: It actually is worse. And we work harder home. And it's harder because we get so caught up both of. But you and I both are very, very work oriented. [00:03:51] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:03:51] Speaker B: And I can be out in the shop all day and not even notice it until I see you, like, hey, who are you again? [00:03:58] Speaker A: Right. Or I can, I can be working off my computer, doing creative stuff. And it's like 11:30. And you're like, are you still up? I'm like, crap. [00:04:05] Speaker B: Yeah. Last night. Okay, so this lady, this lady here is. She's got medication, doesn't touch her. I got some pretty strong sleeping medications, obviously due to my weird things I have going on. And I gave her one last night. She wasn't feeling well and she was, she was, you know, she looked like she was getting really, really sick. And I was like, okay, honey, take this. In about 30 minutes she'll be out. I stayed up till 11 o' clock making that stupid cinnamon swirl sour. [00:04:38] Speaker A: It was so good too, by the way. [00:04:40] Speaker B: And you were awake after I went to bed. [00:04:43] Speaker A: I know. I just laid in the bed playing with chat GPT, asking questions, making up stuff. I was like, okay, what about this? Let's try this. What about this? [00:04:50] Speaker B: Okay, so when she says asking questions to chat GPT, that's not really what happens. Here's what happens. [00:04:56] Speaker A: Personal assistance. [00:04:57] Speaker B: It's a full blown argument. Like chat GPT will, she'll say, show me the color blue with a red landscape and a yellow tree or something like that. And it'll show her one thing that's off. If she glows into a full blown. [00:05:12] Speaker A: Yelling, I'm kind Of mean to it. I'm not a very good boss. [00:05:15] Speaker B: I mean, you got, you've got AI saying it. Sorry. I am so sorry. Don't turn me off. Anyway, anyway, off track, off track. I'm sorry. [00:05:25] Speaker A: But that's the point is, you know, like, if you are so busy that you've been turned into a complete witch when somebody does something wrong or ask you a question which I have been guilty of, like, if I'm doing something. [00:05:38] Speaker B: Don'T mess with me. [00:05:39] Speaker A: And you're asking me something like what, what did you say? Like, it's, it's like I'm like, am I even saved? [00:05:45] Speaker B: Well, in our marriage, I think that I have learned don't ask you any questions between the hours of 9 and 6. [00:05:52] Speaker A: No, see, that's wrong. I've done work on that. [00:05:54] Speaker B: I can't bombard you with. [00:05:55] Speaker A: I've got to work on this. [00:05:56] Speaker B: And I'm the same way. You know, I get outside and you come over and ask me something like. [00:06:01] Speaker A: You know, I don't know, you're just annoyed. You're like, what? [00:06:03] Speaker B: I'm just, look, look man, I'm a rhythm here. I've got this fiber, this fiberglass working the way I want it to work. And here you are. [00:06:09] Speaker A: So. [00:06:10] Speaker B: Yeah, but anyway, we're talking about busyness. [00:06:14] Speaker A: So if your calendars is full, but your marriage is running on empty, this is an episode you need to listen to with your spouse. [00:06:21] Speaker B: Absolutely it is. And I think that all couples in this day and age are, are having this problem because, because everything is so expensive and our lifestyles are so expensive. Our vehicles are expensive, our homes are expensive, our dumb dog, everything's inflated. [00:06:39] Speaker A: Property taxes are out of control, Mortgage rates are too high, property insurance is too high, car insurance is too high. No one can pay their bills off of their salary. [00:06:48] Speaker B: Right, Right. [00:06:48] Speaker A: So you're having to work like multiple times jobs. [00:06:50] Speaker B: Right. So what that's causing us to do is having to work anywhere between 80 and 90 hours a week. Now, I know people say that's not possible, but you know what? I did it. Yeah, but yeah, so it's really important that we, we make time for download. [00:07:09] Speaker A: We make time for not only ourselves and the Lord personally, privately, but there's this. Okay, like so, you know, if we draw this out in a diagram, I don't know how else to say it. Covenant wise, it's you and the Lord first, but it's also then your marriage, you're in covenant with your spouse too. [00:07:28] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:07:29] Speaker A: And that needs to take priority. Right? Under your relationship with God, your marriage should be next. And I just see so many people who do not do that. No, but I'm judging. [00:07:40] Speaker B: I don't know if they are actually cognizant of the fact that they are. [00:07:46] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:07:46] Speaker B: You know, some couples out there, they just go, go, go. You know, you and I are lucky because all our kids are out of the house. We got grandkids. We let them over once in a while just so we can abuse them. But I'm just kidding about. [00:07:58] Speaker A: I was like, I'm gonna have to edit that out probably. [00:08:01] Speaker B: But I think that work has taken over our family. [00:08:10] Speaker A: Like it's an idol. [00:08:11] Speaker B: It is an idol almost. But, you know, we're still stuck in this whole thing about living the American dream. And the American dream, in my opinion, has changed to now it's just, you got one little food flake in the tank, and you've got 42 fish in it, and they're trying to all get that one little flake of fish. [00:08:32] Speaker A: Right, Right. And I think that what started out as something really beautiful has now become an entrapment where everyone is striving to have a $400,000 house. And then you got to have two cars. Right. Because you can't share a car. And then you've got kids, so now you get. They have to have braces or they have to have a car when they get 16, or they're in a private school, and you got to pay for that. And then they have college, and then you have medical bills on top of it, and then it never ends. And so because of that, I think that we have created a culture in America that is not in alignment with the Bible and with what God intended for us. [00:09:19] Speaker B: Well, America is the most medicated nation on the face of the earth. [00:09:22] Speaker A: And materialistic. [00:09:23] Speaker B: And the most materialistic, yes. During some of my deployments overseas, different countries that I went to, Kurdistan was one of them. Went downtown one time with a bunch of my buddies, went up there. I mean, it's a Muslim population, but it was friendly to American forces. Go downtown, eat, go to the mall or whatever. And going into a restaurant there, your plate portion so much smaller. In European Union nation, they already stand aside EU nation. But then it is in America where it's like a cowboy walking off the belt that's too big. You know, he worked hard to get it. [00:10:00] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. So not only are we over medicated, too busy. We're fat because we're eating too much food. [00:10:09] Speaker B: Wow. [00:10:10] Speaker A: I mean, seriously, like what you just said, our Portions are out of control. [00:10:13] Speaker B: They are. [00:10:14] Speaker A: We stress them and we literally fill up every second, every moment of our calendar, sometimes even with good things. [00:10:22] Speaker B: Absolutely. [00:10:23] Speaker A: Okay. So, like. And I'm. I'm probably going to, like, lose the four people that listen to us maybe. But like, I. I would be very careful if I were you about over committing to even church things. Absolutely. I did that for years. I was. I was so involved at church, and it just burned me out as a person. [00:10:45] Speaker B: Well, I think God wants you to serve, but I think he also wants you to take care of yourself. Because I think, here's the way I look at it, is that that church is just a building. Our bodies are a temple. [00:10:57] Speaker A: So, like, what we're doing right now is serving the church. And it works for us in the way that God's called us. It is no less than us serving at the church, the building, doing something there. This is our offering unto God and to help the body of Christ. And I think that's what people need to figure out. Like, what is God calling us to do as a family? Versus what do I feel guilted into? Or what do I feel like, you know, a good Christian should do this? [00:11:24] Speaker B: Absolutely. I feel like. I feel like that we. We're so worried about looking good in the eyes that we break down. The one thing that he wants to take care of the most. That's our bodies. Because our bodies are where all the fellowship happens. Our bodies are where the Holy Spirit comes in. If you're weak, if you're stressed, if you're overtired, what's the one thing that you give up? You give up church if you're too tired on Sundays to go anywhere. If you worked all week and you're too tired to go, you know what? I'll skip. I'll skip that weekend. I won't go to that course or I won't go to that class. And it kind of. It gets in the way of the worship. [00:12:08] Speaker A: Yeah. And I think even though the whole concept of Sabbath we don't understand. And I was going to look at Matthew 11:28 real quick. I love what Jesus said here, and I love this whole chapter, because right before he says this, I believe is where he's talking about, hey, your Father knows all the things that you have need of. Like, you don't have to strive like the world does. You don't have to worry about it. He's gonna take care of everything. And then he says, come to me all you are weary and everybody knows this. Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. And I think that that is like 99% of Americans right now, or the world in general, weary and burdened. [00:12:50] Speaker B: That's right. Well, you got some families out there who have kids at home. They're playing multiple sports like we were talking about over dinner tonight. Playing multiple sports. They're doing multiple clubs or whatever kids do these days. And you've only got one set of parents, and one parent is working. Well, both parents have to work. I mean, I don't see how one parent can stay at home anymore unless you're a doctor or whatever. But both parents have to work. You're taking time off of work to run one kid here, Then you go back to the office, you run another kid there, then you run another kid there. And I think that one thing that we can do as a couple, cut down on some of that, is to prioritize what our kids are doing. [00:13:34] Speaker A: Right. [00:13:34] Speaker B: Am I making any sense? [00:13:36] Speaker A: Yeah. I think even stepping back and going, what am I really teaching my child by letting them be in 14 things? [00:13:42] Speaker B: Right. [00:13:43] Speaker A: Like, I'm teaching them that when they grow up, they need to be really busy all the time. [00:13:47] Speaker B: Yep. [00:13:48] Speaker A: But not ever excel at one thing because I'm trying to do all of it. Do you know that, like, the concept of multitasking does not really exist? Like, the concept of multitasking our brain. Yes. Can it do multiple things at once? Yes, you can, but you won't do them well. So it's the same thing. Like, why are we teaching our kids the busier you are, the more important you are, the busier you are, the better it is. It's not. And I think, as parents, and I think this is one thing I actually did okay with, is I made my daughter. Like, I didn't let her do 14 things. Okay. Like, okay, what are you gonna do in this season? Okay. Volleyball. Okay. All right. You enjoy it. And I actually got to coach her, and that was great, because that was season in my life where I got to be with her and just enjoy that moment. And I felt like it was a God moment. And I know. I knew it was a God moment, but that's what I'm saying. Like. Like, pray about it and see where. Where do I feel like God wants my child? Don't just let them boss you around. [00:14:49] Speaker B: Good luck with that. In this day and age. [00:14:51] Speaker A: Yeah. Boss you around and be like, I want to do all of it. No, you need to make. Make a decision and say, no, I want you to choose. Because I want to teach you something. You can't do everything. [00:15:00] Speaker B: That's right. That's what we do with my son. J. Pick one thing and you're going to give it all you've got for that one thing, right? Run yourself ragged over multiple things. [00:15:14] Speaker A: Well, and so what suffers is the marriage suffers and then the relationship with God suffers. Because who has time to pray? When you got home at 11 o' clock last night from a baseball tournament and you're exhausted and the next morning you have to go back or the next morning you have to go to work, who has time to think about anything spiritual or the marriage that leads into marriage burnout? Yes, exactly. [00:15:40] Speaker B: And marriage burnout is a very, very real thing. And some of the symptoms that we've talked about in the past and some symptoms that we've even gone through ourselves is very short tempered and frequent miscommunication. Talking to each other in passing doesn't work for me. I have the attention span of that, of an iron post. I don't remember anything. So if I'm busy, my mind is on that. And if you tell me something else that I need to do or somewhere you're going, I'm not going to remember. [00:16:16] Speaker A: So that's why I text you. [00:16:17] Speaker B: That's why you text. Text messaging has saved my life. But I think that that's where you got to cut down on things. And whenever you're real with your spouse, you stop, take a beat and say, okay, what do you need? [00:16:35] Speaker A: Right. Yeah, I mean, I think one of the, I think that's a signal like when you start to get short with each other and when you start to get just miscommunicating, I think that that's a sign that you need to listen to and you need to say, okay, we need to slow down. [00:16:53] Speaker B: Right. [00:16:54] Speaker A: Because you have to guard against that. If you don't, it's like a fox that gets into the relationship and it starts destroying things. That's what foxes do, right? They destroy everything they do and that's what happens. [00:17:08] Speaker B: Right. And then that part, the frequent miscommunication can lead to physical and emotional attachment. [00:17:14] Speaker A: Right? [00:17:15] Speaker B: Because you make a covenant with your wife or with your spouse, you make a covenant that you will honor and cherish them. [00:17:26] Speaker A: Oh my goodness. [00:17:28] Speaker B: I'm so sorry. I think my wife gave me her cold. But, but if you're too physically tired, it's going to lead to physical detachment away from each other where you're not doing your responsibility in the marriage and also emotional because if you're so short tempered, so the communication so bad, you're going to get this attitude like, you know what? I'm going to do it myself. [00:17:51] Speaker A: Right. And I think you're gonna say things you didn't mean, which is gonna escalate. [00:17:56] Speaker B: Right. [00:17:57] Speaker A: And somebody's gonna get super mad and then it's gonna end up, you know, just like you said, disconnection or constant fighting. And eventually if you let that thing go, that, that leads to contempt at some point. Contempt is like the death blow to a marriage. [00:18:11] Speaker B: Well, it can lead to. It can also lead to resentment over household chores and shared responsibilities. Because in this day and age, you know, the day and age that our parents grew up in was the man did all the outside work and the woman stayed in the house, took care of the kids. She cooked, she cleaned, and she took care of the baby. Well, in this day and age that we're in now, we can't do that anymore. [00:18:35] Speaker A: Right. [00:18:35] Speaker B: But I know men. I know there's some men out there who think, I'll make this. I don't have to help around the house. [00:18:41] Speaker A: Yeah, you've lost your mind. [00:18:43] Speaker B: Yes, you do. I do a lot of the cooking around the home. [00:18:46] Speaker A: Yes. Praise God. [00:18:47] Speaker B: I do all. [00:18:48] Speaker A: Praise the Lord. [00:18:49] Speaker B: I do. I do all the outside work. I'm working outside. [00:18:54] Speaker A: I have pulled a few weeds. [00:18:56] Speaker B: Yeah, I walk stink dog most of the time, you know, So I mean, we, we do, we do a lot. But if I wanted to get resentful about it, if we didn't communicate it, then I would get resented by it and that would cause hard feelings between the both of us. [00:19:14] Speaker A: Well, I know that you do that because I'm often so tied up with mortgage stuff and. [00:19:19] Speaker B: Right. [00:19:19] Speaker A: Trying to, you know, take care of that. And sometimes I'm busy with. And sometimes I'm not. Right now I'm kind of slowing down. But I just got through being super busy. [00:19:27] Speaker B: Yes. [00:19:29] Speaker A: So I appreciate that. I don't have an expectation for you to do it, but dang, it's nice when you do. [00:19:34] Speaker B: I know that's right. And I don't mind doing it. You know, I just think that, I think that here's what can happen sometimes. Is it like, okay, I walk in your office, you're sitting there, listen to, and I'm like, woman, are you really? No. This is what could happen. Not me. But you could be like, look, I'm out here, I'm cleaning the house. I vacuumed, I've mopped, swept, I've dusted. Now I got dinner cooking what are you doing? You watching YouTube on how to crochet or something? You know, so I think it's really important before you speak, you take a beat. I'm sorry, that's one of my favorite sayings. Take a beat, take a step back, and you say, what have you done today? I mean, you know what I mean? I haven't seen everything that you've done. [00:20:19] Speaker A: Yeah, like in a non threatening, non confrontational way. [00:20:24] Speaker B: Just talk to Justin and, you know, just say, hey, man, you know what? I'm overwhelmed right now. [00:20:28] Speaker A: And I think, you know, one of the things that we do and we do it, I never realized that it was actually good, but I think it is, because I'll say, well, what do you have going on today? Or you'll ask me, what do you have going on today? So that there's no expectation set. You know, if the other person has 14 things on their schedule that day, you don't have this expectation of them to do something that they don't have time to do. [00:20:48] Speaker B: Right. And couples, moms, dads, husbands, wives, family, altar in the morning is the best way to communicate with your spouse. [00:20:56] Speaker A: And that's where this came from. Marriage also, that's where this came from. [00:20:59] Speaker B: Every morning we wake up. Okay, not every morning. There are days when I slip. [00:21:03] Speaker A: We have. We have missed a few days. And then we notice it. We're like, what is wrong with us today? [00:21:08] Speaker B: We read the word, we read a couple of books by one of your friends, and then we read another book called calm your mind. And after that, we pray, we meditate together, and then we'll say, okay, what does your day look like? What are you doing today? Is there anything that I can do to help you? [00:21:26] Speaker A: Yeah. And I know that not everybody will. [00:21:28] Speaker B: Appreciate that so much. [00:21:30] Speaker A: Absolutely. I know that everybody can't do that because they may be working. They maybe have to get their heads up, they have to go to school, they have to go to work, whatever. [00:21:38] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:21:39] Speaker A: And I think. I think if that's the case, you've got to figure out a way, Pray about it, you know, but could you do it at night? Could you do it right before you go to bed? [00:21:50] Speaker B: Well, and when you're in a situation like that and things keep going, you become roommates. [00:21:54] Speaker A: Yes. [00:21:55] Speaker B: And that is very, very dangerous thing for America. [00:21:59] Speaker A: Roommates. That sucks. [00:22:00] Speaker B: I'm just gonna say we were there. [00:22:03] Speaker A: Were we? Do you think we were there? [00:22:04] Speaker B: We were getting there. You know, especially when I was gone. All. [00:22:08] Speaker A: I hated that. I hated when you were gone. [00:22:10] Speaker B: I know but that. Facing that. Yeah, I worked a lot of units. [00:22:14] Speaker A: With COVID You were gone. And you would work like 5 days straight, 12 hour shift or something, and you would be so tired, and you would call me when you got off, and I could just tell you almost like delirious, you were so tired. And I'm thinking to myself, this cannot be God's plan for his life. I mean, lord, do we really need the money this bad? Do we really. Are we really going to put this before our marriage or are we going to trust you? And I remember we had that conversation. You came home, you were done with that shift, that place or whatever, and we talked about it, and I was like, I just don't want you to go anymore. I don't know how we're gonna make it. I don't. But I just. I don't think this is what. This is good for us. [00:22:57] Speaker B: Absolutely. [00:22:58] Speaker A: And so you stayed home. And I mean, we did struggle because I had started that sales position as a mortgage officer and went into commissions, Man, I don't think I made a dime for like six or seven months. And I went into it thinking, yeah, the first half of it, 60 days, I'll close my first loan. That's a joke. Actually, I think it took eight or nine months. I closed two loans. Not like nine months. [00:23:21] Speaker B: That wasn't as much your fault. It was the company that you were with, they were trying to. Yes. [00:23:25] Speaker A: So misleading and all that. But you did work all those hours because of that situation. But we still felt like God had called me to that. And I know a couple times you got mad. I felt like you got mad. We had a little falling out about it because you were like, did God really tell you that? [00:23:41] Speaker B: Well, you know, that's the one thing that I did, but that's the one way that the enemy gets in between a couple is that he starts making you doubt your spouse's fault. [00:23:52] Speaker A: Yes, yes. [00:23:53] Speaker B: And all you see is, you know, when I come home, I'm sitting on the couch watching tv. You know, when I was done traveling, I'd be home for like a week. Kind of wanted you all to myself. But you couldn't because you're trying to build up that business. [00:24:07] Speaker A: It was hard on us, you know. [00:24:09] Speaker B: And I'm watching you, and I'm watching you work and work and work. I'm like, what are you doing? Why are you in this? It's obvious that God doesn't want it. Speaking for the Lord. And that was way out of my pay grade. But I think that the enemy can use that as a way to come in between people, is that builds up a little bit resentment, you know, because if one person's pulling in a lot more than the other or even more than the other, then that's another opening for the devil. And I think that using your communication skills, how do. How do they tell. What do they tell? Cohen, whenever he starts doing that. [00:24:42] Speaker A: Use your words. [00:24:43] Speaker B: Use your words. You gotta use your words. [00:24:45] Speaker A: He's so mad. He's just screaming or whatever. And our grandson and my daughter's like, baby, you have to use your words. Tell me what's wrong. You know? And I think we do that. We just. We are so tired. We're just frustrated, and all we can do is scream. [00:25:00] Speaker B: Absolutely. And another thing that happens is that you're so busy saying yes to everybody else that you don't say yes to the one person you should be saying yes to, and that is your spouse. [00:25:11] Speaker A: I can say on that note, I. [00:25:13] Speaker B: Don'T think we've ever done that. [00:25:14] Speaker A: What? Well, it can be a little bit of a struggle for me. My family is really close to each other and. And, you know, I have to be careful that I don't put any other relationship in anybody asking me to do something like. You know what I mean? Like, not all the time. I'm just meaning, like, every once in a while. I get it. Your family needs you, and you do things like your mom needs you, and you have to drop everything with me and you have to go help her. [00:25:39] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:25:41] Speaker A: But I think some people's families are very unhealthy. Healthily, I don't know. But the attachment between the. Maybe the one of the spouses and their parents is unhealthy to the point that they pull on that person all the time and that spouse. It's almost like they put the relationship with their family above their wife or husband. And that's not okay. The Bible says that you leave and you cleave. It says, and he will leave his mother and father, and she will leave her mother and father, and they become one. They leave and cleave. And I think some people don't leave and cleave. [00:26:18] Speaker B: Absolutely. [00:26:19] Speaker A: And I've even seen men do that. [00:26:21] Speaker B: You know, whenever we got married, the next week we went to work. We didn't take a honeymoon for, what, six months? [00:26:31] Speaker A: It was only a month. It was September. [00:26:33] Speaker B: You know, I went out of town and you work. [00:26:37] Speaker A: So you're saying saying yes to everything. [00:26:39] Speaker B: Like jobs and work and good jobs and friends. And your friends say, hey, why don't you come over here and hang out today? And I'm like, you know what? I got some time off, so, yeah, I'll go over there. [00:26:49] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:26:49] Speaker B: You know, but at the same time, you need to prioritize. It's okay to have a lot. [00:26:54] Speaker A: I think, you know, the quickest way to figure out what you value the most is. Is where. Where do I spend most of my time? [00:27:01] Speaker B: Absolutely. [00:27:02] Speaker A: Okay. Because wherever you're spending most of your time is the thing that you value the most. So if you have a job that's pulling on you and demanding that you be there way more than you should be, maybe you should pray about it and say, is this really where you want me? Because it's destroying my marriage, it's destroying my family. And I just have a hard time believing that God would want that. I'm not the Lord, so I'm probably getting too opinionated. But I just. I walked in this, and I know I have done this before and put other things. And I put my own ministry in front of marriage, and that was terrible. But I thought it was God's will. I thought, I need to be doing this thing for God because he needs me. He needs me to do it. And it was at the peril of my own marriage. And if I learned anything from my first marriage and I didn't bring it into this marriage was not to do that. And I think that I've done that. [00:28:00] Speaker B: Yeah, you've done a pretty good job of doing that. I can't think of a single time that she placed anything. Now, you've been really busy, and we didn't have a whole lot of time for each other, but we have always made time for each other. [00:28:15] Speaker A: I think so. [00:28:16] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. [00:28:17] Speaker A: And that's one thing we do, right? [00:28:19] Speaker B: Absolutely. [00:28:21] Speaker A: So let's talk about how that we understand that this is. It's a spiritual battle, you know, because the enemy loves to wear down marriages slowly, like through distractions, exhaustion, and division. So I think most people don't recognize this as a spiritual battle. [00:28:42] Speaker B: Right. Well, the enemy conquers through division. And if you are divided, you were separated from two things. You separate from God and you separate from your family, namely your spouse, then that is going to cause you to become weakest person. Because I'll be honest with you, if you weren't here to do family altar with every morning, I don't know. You know, I have my personal time with the Lord, but I also value that time because you keep me accountable sometimes. Like, there are days, like, was it yesterday? When I was just in go mode, and you're like, we need to pray. We need to pray. You said that, like, six times. [00:29:27] Speaker A: You're probably, like, annoyed. [00:29:29] Speaker B: Yeah, I got a couple trees. [00:29:34] Speaker A: Seek ye first. The kingdom of God. [00:29:36] Speaker B: Seek ye first. [00:29:37] Speaker A: That's what I keep feeling in my heart. And, you know, part of the kingdom of God is loving your spouse well and making time for them. And I believe if you do that, you will have everything you need. [00:29:49] Speaker B: Absolutely. [00:29:49] Speaker A: Because your priorities are right. God can honor your request because you're obeying his word. [00:29:58] Speaker B: Well, you know, Ephesians 5, 15, 17 says, be very careful. Then how you live, making the most of every opportunity. The opportunity comes from work, marriage, friendship, children. Every aspect of your life is the opportunity to do something for the Lord or do something to make your family stronger. It doesn't always have to be money for you. I mean, now every couple in America is guilty of idol. Really what it has. Work, money have become idols to us now because the more we have, the more comfortable we are. [00:30:37] Speaker A: It's the same thing that, you know, thousands of years ago, people were worshiping, like, the Sun God and whatever God. We're doing the same thing. We're just doing it with money and we're doing it with status, and we're doing it with things that are. It's not really like all the God, but it really is. [00:30:54] Speaker B: Right. It's almost like there's a false God in front of you saying, you gotta sacrifice. [00:31:01] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:31:01] Speaker B: You gotta sacrifice for this. So I will give you that. If you sacrifice time with your family or time for yourself or time with God, give up your time with God just for a few weeks, and I will give you all that you're asking. And I mean, I tell you, people take it all the time. [00:31:19] Speaker A: Yeah. And when you're saying that, I was thinking about when Jesus goes into the wilderness and he fasts for 40 days and nights, and Satan comes to him and he shows him all the kingdoms of the world. If you just bow down before me, I'll give them all to you. And how many people. That's what they do. They would rather take that. Take whatever he's offering them and not spend time praying, not spend time fasting, Not. Not spend time seeking God. Just take that quick route. [00:31:48] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. [00:31:50] Speaker A: And then they're destroyed. When you look at their life 10 years later and they're, you know, dead or. [00:31:57] Speaker B: Right. [00:31:57] Speaker A: Wish they were dead because they're so miserable. [00:31:59] Speaker B: Yep. The moment you say, I am tired and I can't do this anymore, what Am I doing? The enemy's in. Because he knows you're one of. You're one of two things. [00:32:09] Speaker A: Weak. [00:32:10] Speaker B: You have no resistance to outside forces anymore, and he's going to offer you everything you want. Like. Like with Jesus, like, you're talking about Jesus when he was. Yeah, I went five days, four days. And I got my answer early because originally it's supposed to be a five day fast. And I was done. Yeah, you know, I didn't like the answer. It broke my heart. But you know what? God, he never does anything subtle with. But at the end, at the middle of that fourth day, I knew at the end. [00:32:40] Speaker A: But he strengthened your spirit. I could tell because before that, I felt like you were struggling to stay connected a little bit to God. You were kind of not. I mean, it wasn't like you were terrible. I could just tell. And then when you did that, it's like you got aligned with God again and full of his spirit again. [00:33:01] Speaker B: Well, I was starting to question the Lord, like, okay, why haven't you done this? Because you tell me, Jesus, if I ask you for it, you got it. [00:33:07] Speaker A: You got to give it to me. [00:33:08] Speaker B: That's in the Bible. You've got to give it. But that's not always the case. [00:33:13] Speaker A: If it's his will. [00:33:14] Speaker B: If it's his will. Okay, so now let's talk about God's design for rest and relationship. [00:33:21] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. So you know my other podcast, Give Myself. [00:33:26] Speaker B: Very, very good podcast, guys, because it. [00:33:28] Speaker A: Listens grace and grit, mindset. I'll try to remember to throw the link in for that, but I talk about mindset. Sorry, mindset shifts a lot. [00:33:38] Speaker B: Yes. [00:33:38] Speaker A: And this last week I talked about Sabbath over striving, and I've really been feeling this. And I've even seen, like, people like Sean Bowles and some other prophetic people talking about. We're in a moment where God is saying to rest in him, to not strive. So I knew that I was hearing the Lord. And so I think, you know. Yeah. Learning. Learning that Sabbath isn't just a day now. It's a rhythm of renewal. And one of the things I didn't. I didn't Finish reading Matthew 11:28 earlier, but if you keep going, he says, you know, come to me, all you who are weary and burdened or heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, because it's easy and light. And I will give. My yoke is easy, my burden is light, and I will give you rest for your souls. So these different. He uses like, excuse me. Gosh. Three different words for rest. And each one of them means something different. You know, one of them is like. Yeah, like, physical rest, but one of them is, like, recreation. And then one of them is this interesting picture of, like, working but resting at the same time. It's a very weird picture that we don't have a word for in. In our language. And I would kind of liken it to, like, if I'm creating something, like, for me, a song, or, like, if you're making woodworking stuff or if I make soap, It's a rest for me, but it's also. I'm laboring in it. [00:35:05] Speaker B: Right. [00:35:06] Speaker A: So this is what. This is the picture of what it's supposed to look like to rest in God. It's this. You get into, like, his rhythm. And when you do that, you find that you're not as tired. Like, you have the strength to be a good wife and a good husband, good parent or whatever, because you're actually doing it his way and you're resting in Him. And I just feel that so strongly right now for. [00:35:29] Speaker B: For people. Right. [00:35:31] Speaker A: That this is what he wants. [00:35:32] Speaker B: Absolutely. Slow down. Listen to God. [00:35:37] Speaker A: Yeah. Because you can't even really hear him when you're all worked up. Right. When you're in fight or flight, which about 99% of Americans probably are. Fight or flight, we think that the bear's chasing me, the lion's chasing me, because our brain doesn't know that. It doesn't realize there's a difference between imagination and reality. So if I imagine something to be scary, like, for instance, financial difficulties, which seem to be the fun, fun thing we always encounter, like feast or famine in my world, you know, with mortgage, my imagination can go all the way to the end. And I'm already filing. We're filing bankruptcy. I've lost everything. I'm living in a cardboard box. I think I told you this a couple weeks ago. My brain had imagined it. And guess what? My. My physical. Like, my body doesn't know the difference between it that I imagine that or if it was real. It thinks it's real. So it responds in. It goes into fight or flight or freeze, and it goes into panic and anxiety. And then I can't hear God because you can't hear God like that. We're not designed. Are you tired? [00:36:45] Speaker B: I'm not feeling all that great. [00:36:46] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. We're not designed to live like that. And so we have to rest so that we can hear it, and we have to slow down, you know. [00:36:54] Speaker B: Right. Well, you know, Jesus even showed the mala pulling away from the crowds to be refreshed himself, because what did they do? They drew all of this energy. And, you know, I don't think people really appreciate the fact how hard Jesus worked to feed 5,000 with fish or to speak to the people because they didn't have any money. Everything they got was their alms and their donation. So there were a lot of times when Jesus was hungry himself, going up, speaking to all these people, refreshing them. So Jesus was like, I'm done with this today. And then he would just disappear. I think he did it, what, two times in the Bible where he disappeared in the crowd? [00:37:35] Speaker A: A few times. [00:37:36] Speaker B: Yeah, a few times. [00:37:38] Speaker A: I love that story because I love. There are a lot of reasons. I love it. There's so many amazing things about it. Like, you know, these people were willing to go out there without any food just to hear him teach, you know, and to me, that illustrates what you're saying is just getting away just to hear him. [00:37:56] Speaker B: You leave your life and you make time for the Lord. [00:37:58] Speaker A: Yes, yes, absolutely. And that's what you did with Traceeus. That's what was so life changing. You remember that place I was telling you about? And I'll try to find maybe like the Amazon link or something so people can get the book. But it's called Labrie. Labrie, yeah, I've heard of that. We talk about that. Yeah, yeah. And so one of my friends has a cabin and she had the book in there. And I was going for a sabbatical. I went out there for a couple days to write and just hear the Lord. And every time I go, it's so amazing. When I first get there, it's weird and I'm like, what am I doing? But as I just. Because there's no tv, there's. There's no noise, you know what I mean? It's just like literally, you and God. And so she had a book there and it was love read in it. It's a. Is that French? I'm not sure what that word is, what language it was. I think it was. And so, yeah, it's so cool. So it's this place that this pastor and his wife created, I think in Switzerland, in the Alps or something. He had been here. This was probably, I don't know how many years ago, but he had been a pastor here. And he kind of just grew weary of the whole, like, just hustle and grind of being a pastor and the American culture that's so fast paced, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah. And he felt like God had called him, him and his wife to go over there and start this play. And what they did was they would bring people in. They had rooms in their house and they really lived a super simple life. And they would let people stay with them. People that just wanted, like, they were just seeking God for answers or they were. They had questions. They didn't understand what was going on in their life and they just needed, like, to get away. They needed a respite. So they would give them this place and they would feed them every night and then they would have lectures that he would give lectures. And you could listen to them or not, whatever. And it was life changing. That thing exploded. And it's like now, you know, international. They're all over the place. [00:39:51] Speaker B: Four, four different breeze in the United States. [00:39:54] Speaker A: Three or four. Something like that. The original one is still going, but this place is life changing for people. And it's this concept of like resting so that you can hear God and. And I think you can do that individually, but you can do it as a couple as well. As a matter of fact, I was hoping we could do that. Like, set up a time where we go somewhere and we just. [00:40:16] Speaker B: The whole point of getting on a boat. Good. [00:40:19] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, like, the whole point is just like, okay, we are getting away from phones, we're getting away from the tv, getting away from kids, if we have them. Getting away from anything that would distract us. And we're just going to pray and seek God. Maybe we'll do some fun stuff, whatever, hike or whatever. But, like, don't even lie. We're just listening in. We're slowing down so we can hear him. Because, you know, I feel like I'm talking too much in this episode. But, you know. Well, I was thinking when Elijah. Not Elijah, Moses asked God to let me see you. God said, no man can see me and live. But he said, if you go behind this rock, I will pass by and let my glory pass by. And it says that, you know, there was lightning, thunder and all this crazy stuff. The wind was blowing, whatever, but he wasn't in it. It said God wasn't in that, but it was this still, small voice that he was in. [00:41:18] Speaker B: Yeah, that was whenever he was hiding in the cave. [00:41:20] Speaker A: Yes, it was Moses. And God didn't let him see his face, but it was a still, small voice that he heard. And I believe that that's the point that we're trying to make here, is you have got to slow yourself down enough to hear God, even for what he wants in your marriage. [00:41:39] Speaker B: Right. Absolutely. Well, and this comes to practical ways to guard. And if you take these steps or some step, it's very important that you take steps, stay one cohesive unit. The world has to see that you are one cohesive unit. It has to see that you make decisions together. You go through the good times, the bad times together. You talk things out. If the world sees that, it will not be able to get in the way. [00:42:14] Speaker A: Yeah. And I think it's also a witness for what marriage is supposed to look like. [00:42:19] Speaker B: Yes. [00:42:19] Speaker A: It brings somebody hope. [00:42:21] Speaker B: Well, and one of those ways is to build margins. And, you know, I see this different ways. I see this as you don't overbook all of your time. You know, like, say on Mondays you have a business evening, you have a business meeting in the evening. Then Tuesday you've got something else and something else coming up all through the week where you haven't made any time for spouse or your family or for God for that. So I think it's really important that we don't book out the entire. [00:42:53] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. [00:42:54] Speaker B: Like, you know, there was times after during last year where I had medical appointments every day for what, two weeks, three weeks. We were constantly on the road. [00:43:04] Speaker A: And I went with you. I didn't want you. [00:43:06] Speaker B: Right. Well, I wasn't in any condition to be anywhere by myself around that time. But overbooking yourself is a sure way for the enemy to come in and make that space even wider between you and your spouse. Because if you overbook, here's what you do, is you get stressed, get anxious. You get worried that you're gonna miss something somewhere. You're stressed out about the family at home that you can't see. Your spouse is saying, hey, I need time. And you're like, hey, I ain't got it right now. [00:43:41] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:43:41] Speaker B: You know. [00:43:42] Speaker A: Right. Not to mention the disconnection and physical intimacy, which I think is huge. [00:43:47] Speaker B: Right. [00:43:47] Speaker A: It's probably an entire episode. But that matters, right? Like, it seriously matters. And if you're neglecting that, it's just a matter of time. I mean, that can lead into affairs and. Yeah. Infidelity. And, And I, I, I just hope that people will realize that. That this is one of the ways that it happens. Just clear. Just plain old busyness. I was watching a. A documentary. No, like an episode, I think. I don't. Folks on the family or something on YouTube. And it was a couple, and they were. I believe they were in ministry together. And they. Everybody thought they were so happy. They'd been together 20 something years. They had like what seemed to be the perfect marriage, but they were so busy. He was always at the church, constantly at the church. [00:44:36] Speaker B: Right. [00:44:37] Speaker A: And something in her just. And she kept acting like everything's fine. She grew up in a family where you weren't allowed to talk about your feelings and you're always fine and you can't ever be like, okay, I need something, you know, like. And she's just tried to act like it was nothing. But then this guy that they knew started talking to her, he was younger and he started just checking on her like this. I'm emotionally available for you. Hey. Hey. You look so pretty today. You're sad. What's going on with you? That's how it started. And you know, she fought it off forever. But she started getting to where she loved this, this attention he was giving her. He was telling her she was pretty, she was amazing. And her husband was ignoring her because he was working all the time. And before you know it, it's a full blown affair. And she's like, you know, completely disconnected, disoriented, not even. I mean, she's like literally lying to herself thinking, okay, like this is God's will for my life, you know. But she eventually came back and repented and all that. And they rebuilt their life. But she tells you that that's how it started was they were so busy. [00:45:43] Speaker B: Right. Well, you've got to feed the plant. In order for the plant to grow, you gotta water it. And if the water hose is always busy watering the tree in the front yard and not worrying about the backyard, the plants in the backyard are gonna wither up and die. So you gotta give everything in your life equal amount of nutrition. That was pretty good for somebody who's. [00:46:05] Speaker A: Kind of sick or whatever. [00:46:06] Speaker B: I'm sorry, I ain't feeling too well. Yeah, but you've got to give everything in your life amount of water to keep it healthy. But at the same time, you can't over prioritize one thing over the other. Your marriage and God comes first. God in your marriage, without a doubt. That's the way that it should be. You can't just, you can't push God to the side. And it's easy for us to do that, you know, And I do it a lot. I do. I mean, I'm being totally hypocrite, but we get so busy with our lives and I'm out there, I'm working in the shop, you're in here in your office and we're working. There's no communication between either one of us. And I'm listening to now I listen to Christian music, but I also listen to a lot of classic rock, 80s music. You know, I've got Darn Yankees and Ozzy Osbourne and, you know, Bon Jovi, and I'm an 80s. I'm a 70 80s guy. I'm Gen X, whatever. But I guess pushed to the back because it energizes you in that way that you. Is that you listen to that. So you got to make time for. [00:47:16] Speaker A: The Lord, I think, you know, intentionally feeding yourself, like, whether it's Christian podcasts or sermons or, like you said, like, maybe some worship music or. I mean, when those times come where you can't just stop what you're doing and go somewhere and pray, like you're at work or you're doing something, is there something you can do that will center you? [00:47:36] Speaker B: Absolutely. [00:47:38] Speaker A: And keep you. Keep you calm and keep you grounded. Like, I am so blessed. Even though, you know, my income is not always consistent and stable, what I do have is I have freedom to seek the Lord during the day. Like, I have freedom to run, like, three businesses, and, you know, a couple of them are ministry and then a real business that actually is the bread and butter. But I didn't have. I remember years where I worked at banks, and I was miserable. I feel like I was trapped all day at a desk and my life was just passing before me, and I was absolutely miserable. I felt like I was in a cage all the time. I remember those days. And I begged God to get me out, and he did, and now I'm out. And now I'm like, this is scary. This is not what I was thinking it was going to be, you know, but it has afforded me this ability to seek him and to be available to him and to you. And I'm grateful for that. So I think just being open to, like, if God says you need a career change, if God says he wants you to, like, let some things go, I think we have to be open and obedient to that because it might cost you your marriage if you don't. [00:48:55] Speaker B: Well, yeah, if it doesn't cost you your marriage, it'll definitely lead to some hardships. Hard counseling coming up and, you know, hard feelings that come out. But one other thing that we can do is we can do what called a digital. [00:49:11] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh. [00:49:12] Speaker B: Seriously, I'm guilty of it. Yeah, I'm guilty of it. I'm on my phone a lot, and I'm looking at TikTok. I'm looking at Instagram, I look at the news like 12 times. [00:49:22] Speaker A: Our TV's broken. [00:49:23] Speaker B: Yeah, our TV went out in the den. It was our fault because we didn't have it on a surge protector. [00:49:30] Speaker A: I don't know. But all I know is now all we sit there is look at our phones all night. I'm like, is this even any better? I mean, it's not even. [00:49:36] Speaker B: No, it's actually worse because at least when you're watching that you communicate with each other. [00:49:41] Speaker A: I think we just need to turn them off at a certain time. Like, okay, at 6 o', clock, we're turning our phone off. We're gonna sit here and we're gonna play a game. [00:49:49] Speaker B: I'm gonna remind you of this. [00:49:50] Speaker A: We're gonna read a book together. We're gonna, I don't know, go outside. [00:49:54] Speaker B: Well, I think. I think walking in the evening. Yes, Right now it's hot. Our grass is hot. I'm owed dead grass today. Cut hay. But I think that making time in the evenings to wind down, because I noticed that what you and I do is we carry our stress to bed. [00:50:14] Speaker A: And then we don't sleep. [00:50:15] Speaker B: And then we don't sleep. But what we can do is. And like I said, right now, I'm being a hypocrite because we don't do this. But one thing that we could start doing is we could start taking our walks in the evening. It's going to be hot. Yes. But we can also look at it as we're sweating the day up. We're getting rid of the day. We're using that last bit of energy we have to get the day over with, get home about 8 o', clock, make a shower and go to bed. You know, that way we spend a couple of hours together in the evening. Time to talk about our day, about things that have aggravated me about. Like, darn table out there. I don't know what that table is doing. It's solid in the middle, but the ends are wet. And I don't know, I got nothing. But, you know, we can talk about that. You can talk about some of your clients. I love hearing about my wife's clients. And then, you know, we can talk our day out like that. And maybe that would help us. [00:51:16] Speaker A: So let's try that next week and see if we like that. Rather than looking at our phones and my network, because I've been sitting there looking at my phone for two. [00:51:25] Speaker B: We're getting a hush. We're getting. I could see. I could see the human species in about a Thousand years. And we look like Quasimodo, you know? [00:51:34] Speaker A: Right, right. Yeah. So I think that's good. Digital detox, I think. And I think you'll find yourself again. Like, I'm even like, tomorrow morning. This is going to be so hard, but I'm going to force myself to do this because I will literally wake up in my bed, grab my phone, don't have my glasses, can't see it, but I'm looking already. How many messages do I have? Anybody like my stuff on Facebook? Do I have anything here? I'm not going to do it. I'm going to leave my phone. This is going to be so hard, but I have to do it. I'm going to leave my phone in my room. I'm going to get up, I'm going to go make my coffee. I'm going to sit there. I'm going to be still. I'm going to listen to the Lord. [00:52:10] Speaker B: Right. [00:52:11] Speaker A: I'm going to pray a little bit. I may journal. That's how I want to start my day. [00:52:15] Speaker B: Be still and know that I am God. [00:52:17] Speaker A: Yeah, we didn't talk about that with 4610. Psalm 46:10. I've been living in that. [00:52:21] Speaker B: My favorite verses. [00:52:22] Speaker A: Yeah, it's. I love it because it's probably got off topic here a little bit, but I think it's. I think it's interesting. So it's not really off topic because. [00:52:30] Speaker B: You can't be still if you're busy all. [00:52:31] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And social media could be the death of a person, you know? [00:52:36] Speaker B: Right. Or too many temptations on social media. [00:52:38] Speaker A: True. [00:52:38] Speaker B: And I'll tell you, give your couple, you couples out there who have social media and not join accounts, give your spouse 100% access to both. All of your social media. Do it now. You'll thank me later. [00:52:51] Speaker A: Do it well. But this. This. Be still. No, I'm glad. So there's, you know, it's translated different ways. A lot of them say be still, but a lot of them say cease driving or stop striving. And when you look at this word striving, I talked about this in the other podcast, but when you look at this word striving, it means to, like, fall limp. It means to almost melt like wax. [00:53:14] Speaker B: Oh, God. How does that feel? [00:53:15] Speaker A: I know, right? So. And in that whole, you know, that whole is about. He's saying, like, the nation's rage, everyone's in an uproar, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then all of a sudden he says, cease driving and know. I'm God, I will be exhausted among the nation. And he's reminding us like the whole world's going to hell. But I need you to. I need you to stop striving and just be really still. Be like wax, melted wax in my presence, because I got this. I am God. I will be exhausted. And I think we need to remember that. [00:53:46] Speaker B: Well, when you slow down and you are still, and you know that you are in the Lord's presence, then that's when God communicates the things that he wants you to do. Like, what was it a couple days ago, the Holy Spirit woke me smooth up from a Lunesta coma and told me to go to the living room and intercede in prayer. So I prayed for two and a half hours for somebody out there. You're welcome. But I prayed for something or someone out there for two and a half hours. [00:54:19] Speaker A: And you don't know what it was. [00:54:20] Speaker B: And I have no idea because the Holy Spirit didn't. I wasn't in. I wasn't in on that part. He's going to do all the work. So I read the Word. I read the Word, I prayed and I read the Word and I prayed. And I'll be honest with you, man, at the end of the day, I was still okay. The Holy Spirit got me through it because he started the whole best. The whole business off. Yes. [00:54:43] Speaker A: Right. [00:54:44] Speaker B: Be careful when you open yourself up to the Lord, people, because he will take full advantage. And it's wonderful. [00:54:52] Speaker A: Let's see, what else do we want to cover real quick? [00:54:58] Speaker B: So what had to change in our marriage? [00:55:00] Speaker A: What had to change? [00:55:01] Speaker B: Yeah, for our business. What did we have to do? I think we've already talked about that quite a bit. [00:55:05] Speaker A: Well, I think God didn't give us a choice. We were still in this stupid busyness cycle whenever everything happened. Last September, I believe God had been trying to get your attention for quite some time. And I think the busyness was one of the doorways that Satan got in. [00:55:26] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:55:28] Speaker A: I think if you had been rested, if you had been getting the sleep that you needed, if you had been attacked, you had been resting in God's presence, hearing his voice, I don't think you would have done some of the things that you did. So I believe, you know, underneath it all, people are like, maybe think something else is what caused it. Maybe your, your, you know, addiction. And that's probably true. But if you're, if you were getting what you needed, you wouldn't have gone to the addiction. [00:55:53] Speaker B: Well, during that time of our lives, I mean, okay, now let's be honest with you. We've been married for four years in August. Next week. Next week. Happy anniversary, too. We have been so busy since we got married. [00:56:06] Speaker A: The moment we said I'd do, The. [00:56:07] Speaker B: Moment we said I'd do it was like two mice running away from each other. She had her thing and I had mine. And it has stayed that way until last year. Until last year when God said, enough. [00:56:22] Speaker A: Yep. Now we're together, we're gonna stop it. [00:56:24] Speaker B: Okay, I gotta tell you guys something about my wife. She has got the sexiest glasses I have ever seen anybody. [00:56:31] Speaker A: I wore these just for you tonight. [00:56:35] Speaker B: These are glasses from Scooby doo cartoon in the 80s, 70s and 80s for Velma. Velma wore those black rim square glasses, and she said, jinkies. That is what my wife is wearing right now. Now, they're a really cool royal blue color, but they are so sexy. [00:56:53] Speaker A: I remember when you were like. We were talking about that one day, and you're like, well, I. I didn't really like Daphne. I always liked Velma anyway. [00:57:00] Speaker B: Well, she's a geek, like I am. She's full of useless facts, you know? But there are sometimes. I'll say, hey, babe, say jinkies for me. Please. Just say jinkies. Say jinkies. And she'll go, jinkies. I'm like, oh, yes. Anyway, I'm sorry. [00:57:17] Speaker A: Whatever. [00:57:17] Speaker B: Get off the topic. [00:57:18] Speaker A: I don't even know where we were. Oh, you were asking me how did we y right this wrong? Well, I think it was the Lord. What's crazy about it is before it all happened, I had started writing my book called Catch the Foxes. And it's literally about catching. Well, it's from Song of Solomon, but it's about these things that we let in our life that the enemy sins. And it's things like busyness, things like distractions. It's things like not being honest with God. It's all those things, and they creep into our life and they. They begin to destroy our relationships. [00:57:55] Speaker B: Absolutely. [00:57:55] Speaker A: So that's what I was writing about when this all happened, and I had to put it all on hold. But I'm just saying, like, to me, it's just crazy that I was writing about the very thing that God was about to expose in our marriage. So now I have to finish the book just. Just for that, but. [00:58:09] Speaker B: Right. [00:58:10] Speaker A: So. So a time when busy. Is there a time when business hurt our marriage that we haven't talked about? Is there a time? [00:58:19] Speaker B: No, I think we've pretty much covered all that. It Hurt us physically. Intimacy was. And mentally, definitely our relationship with the Lord. Yeah, I think we've covered all of that. [00:58:33] Speaker A: Well, the last 10 months, I guess we have been in a place of rest and restoration. Part of restoration is rest. [00:58:46] Speaker B: Yeah, I don't think it's been months. I think it's just been three or four months. Because the first six months after I got out of the hospital, we were in constant fighter. [00:58:55] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:58:56] Speaker B: You know, maybe sick. You know, it's taken us a long time to get them down from that. [00:59:03] Speaker A: To really trust them because I was like, oh my gosh, I'm gonna go get. I kept trying to get other jobs that weren't like commission based. You were like, you know, trying to get jobs and you couldn't. But it was like we knew that you couldn't work full time because you have all these appointments with the VA and you've got to heal. And so I finally just said, okay, I can't do this anymore, Lord. And I think he was like, finally move over. Finally, I will send you what you need. And he has, you know, I mean, like, I get scared, I panic, and I'm like, I don't know how we're going to make it this month. And then God will. He'll send me exactly what I need, what we need to make it. Because we're trusting in him. We're resting. So I don't know, everybody can't take that journey. They're too scared. Or maybe they just don't feel like they want to sacrifice. But obedience is better than sacrifice. That's what Samuel said to Saul. And I think if God's telling you to do something, you don't obey it. You very well could be at risk of losing a relationship in your marriage. You could, you could let the enemy in by not obeying. So I feel like I'm stepping on toes probably a little too much. [01:00:18] Speaker B: Well, you know, I don't know. I think, I think that we, like I said, or we're such a consumer based society, I think someone has to say, I know, you know, in this day and age now, heck, I can't go out there and say, you know, hi, someone. If I say hi to the wrong person, I'm gonna get punched in the face. You know, at least we can do it behind the microphone where they can't see us, you know, but. But I think that, I think that we have to do that. [01:00:45] Speaker A: I think I'm like a whistleblower for people being too busy. Like, seriously, stop it in the name call. That's holy. Stop it. [01:00:54] Speaker B: Absolutely. And you know, with burnout, it's things. Some people see burnout as a continuous. Once you have burnout, you never get out of it. And burnout is a signal. It is not a sentence. You can't say, go to the doctor. Say, doctor, I'm burnout and I need a pill. Doctor, I'm burnout, and I don't know what to do. [01:01:15] Speaker A: But a lot of people do that. [01:01:16] Speaker B: A lot of people do. But burnout means that your body is telling you, hey, man, I'm out of reserves. I need to slow down for a while. [01:01:27] Speaker A: Your spirit, your soul, all of it, it needs a reset and a lot. [01:01:30] Speaker B: Of people will get sick. Your body will physically make you ill to keep you at home in bed. So it can R and R. Yeah. Yeah. And then. Yes. You know, that's why it's important. Like we said in the earlier. In the earlier time, in the early in the podcast, it's really important that we prioritize. [01:01:50] Speaker A: Yeah. And so I think we could wrap it up and just, I would say, like, this challenge that we have for you is what's one thing you can cut out or change this week to make room for? I would say your marriage and seeking God. Throw that in there. Because I think they're connected. [01:02:09] Speaker B: Absolutely. [01:02:10] Speaker A: So that's the challenge. And you know, I, I'm trying to create resources to put them in the show notes or like a link to a Google Doc or something that gives you ideas to help you with some of these topics. Last week, I threw the one in there about 40 free date nights, our ideas, because everybody's broke. So I wanted to do like one. It didn't cost money, you know, so I'll try to create something and throw it in the show notes as well, just for ways that you and your spouse can rest. [01:02:42] Speaker B: Right. [01:02:42] Speaker A: And, and, and get out of this busyness trap. [01:02:45] Speaker B: Yeah. You know, and throw a challenge out to the listeners. It's like, you know what. And what you could do is, is leave a comment and just say, hey, you talk about challenges, about what we can do to slow down with each other, the things that we can do to better our communication. Leave a comment. Let us know what you did. Because you know what, the things that we're telling you work for us. [01:03:04] Speaker A: Yeah. But we like to know other ideas. [01:03:06] Speaker B: For sure. I'm not licensed anything, so, you know, the things I'm telling you is what God has given me in my heart. And it has helped me getting so much closer to my wife and just Tell us the things that you do, you know, tell us the things that, like, take a walk in the evening, go on vacation with your spouse once every few months. Don't wish we had the time. [01:03:29] Speaker A: And the money. [01:03:30] Speaker B: And the money, honey. But yeah, just leave us a comment on what you guys do as far as how you guys re establish that relationship and that communication with each other. [01:03:41] Speaker A: Yes. And while you're at it, jump on over to shanastrange.net because I need you to sign up for our email list. [01:03:50] Speaker B: Absolutely. [01:03:50] Speaker A: Right now, we're running everything through that website, so the marriage offer is going to run through that site, too. But when you sign up for that, I will make sure that you get updated about any resources that we may have that we're coming out with so that you stay connected to us and we don't blow up your email. I'm not going to email you every two days. [01:04:12] Speaker B: Absolutely. [01:04:13] Speaker A: Like that realtor that texted 159,000 times anyway. [01:04:19] Speaker B: And I will say, you know, I got to close this out with my veteran. My veteran brothers. Look, guys, we are very, very sensitive to burnout. We're very, very sensitive to stress. If you're ever in a situation where you're getting overly stressed and you feel like you're going to do something stupid, go away somewhere free by yourself for a few minutes until you get that under control. Because a lot of people, they get stressed, they will act out and they will take it out on the one person that they shouldn't take it out on, and that's their spouse. Veteran men, veteran women, our stress, in my opinion, is no laughing matter, because we're just taking time off. If you're in a situation where you're in that. When you're in that place, step away, go for a walk, pray to the Lord and say, God, I just need you. Do that if you'd like. I mean, I have told you guys, every podcast, if you need somebody to talk to, shoot my wife an email. [01:05:19] Speaker A: With your phone Number [email protected] ShannaStrange HannahStrange.net ShannaShanna. [01:05:26] Speaker B: Yes, and I will call you. Like I said, I'm not licensed in anything, but I have a lifetime of experience. I have a lifetime of guilt, stress, and hopefully some way I can help you get through it. So just. [01:05:40] Speaker A: Well, you got the Holy Spirit, right? [01:05:43] Speaker B: A married couple. You want to talk to us over zoom. You want to talk to us over the phone, give us a call. Email. [01:05:54] Speaker A: Yeah, email us. I'll set up a comment. Now. [01:05:57] Speaker B: I'M off my soap. You can close us out now. [01:06:00] Speaker A: All right, well, thanks for listening. This week, pray that God, you know, reveals to you ways that maybe you can see this busyness trap that maybe you fell into. [01:06:15] Speaker B: Absolutely. Just let us know. We love to hear from you. [01:06:18] Speaker A: So until next week, God bless y'. [01:06:20] Speaker B: All. Have a blessed week, everybody. Oh, my love don't let it grow cold in the night.