One Year Later: The Most Important Lessons We've Learned

[00:00:15] Speaker A: Catch us little foxes. They're feasting on our own. They're cruel. [00:00:27] Speaker B: What's up? What is going on, everybody? [00:00:30] Speaker A: Hey. How y' all doing? [00:00:32] Speaker B: It's been a while. [00:00:33] Speaker A: Two or three weeks. [00:00:34] Speaker B: Yep. [00:00:35] Speaker A: We suck. So sorry. [00:00:38] Speaker B: No. When God decides to answer prayers and get things rolling, he doesn't. There's something subtle about it. [00:00:43] Speaker A: Let me tell y' all something. When God's like, okay, that season's over. Yeah, it's over. And there's like, no. Yeah, it's just. Bam, it's over. [00:00:53] Speaker B: Here you go. That's right. Right. And we haven't slept much since. [00:00:58] Speaker A: Yeah. I think. I think it's technically been three weeks. So we have been talking about maybe going to every other week for the podcast just because things are getting so. [00:01:09] Speaker B: We'Re just. We're just busy. [00:01:10] Speaker A: Just getting super busy. And in a good way. So in a way that we have been wanting for a long time, we. [00:01:17] Speaker B: Are living proof that God answers prayers. [00:01:19] Speaker A: Yes. [00:01:19] Speaker B: And when he does, it's like he just drops a rock on your head. Like, all right, you want it? There it is. [00:01:23] Speaker A: A rock on your head. [00:01:24] Speaker B: Yeah, there it is. [00:01:26] Speaker A: That sounds kind of painful. [00:01:29] Speaker B: It is painful. [00:01:30] Speaker A: Hey, I kind of like that. Open a little bit. [00:01:32] Speaker B: You would. [00:01:32] Speaker A: Can you open a little bit? Sorry. Okay, so we are one year and one month. So we're actually 13 months out from the whole traumatic incident that happened for us last year, and that completely changed our lives. For those of you. I don't know if anybody's just jumping on. You've never heard our story. I suggest you go back and listen to episode one. Yeah. I mean, we basically. We went through some traumatic stuff, and, you know, with Mike and then who has psptsd. And so we just found ourselves in a place where I was at a cemetery, and he was there. He was about to kill himself. [00:02:19] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:02:20] Speaker A: And God intervened, and then that kind of snowballed into a lot of secrets and lies that I didn't know about. And so it was like ripping not just a band aid off, but like, your entire skin maybe got ripped off. For me, learning, like, you had a whole secret life, and. And then just getting to figure out what is ptsd, how does it affect people and learning about that. So there were just layers upon layers upon layers. So anyway, it's been a year since all that happened, and I think. I don't know if you would agree, but I think most people. Couples that go through that, would not survive it. [00:02:59] Speaker B: They would not. They would not. And it's a miracle that we did absolutely. Only with God's intervention. And I think one thing about that, all of that, that was different with us, is accountability. As soon as everything happened, I counted. I took account for it. I took the blame. [00:03:18] Speaker A: Well, first you confessed it. You know, I kept pressing. You kept lying. But when it finally. And it didn't come out all at once, it was kind of like. And I'm told, you know, a lot of research and a lot of therapists say that that's normal for. They call it trickle truth, where it trickles out. [00:03:34] Speaker B: Right. [00:03:34] Speaker A: Because most of the time I think people can't even admit. It's like they can't even really be honest enough with themselves to admit they did those things because they're so embarrassed and then much less be honest with someone else. So that's what happened a year ago. And we decided to do an episode today called. Yeah, called it. What was we going to call it? A Year Out. What we've learned. Yeah, yeah. A year later. What we've learned over the past year that we feel like are kind of the most important points or things that we would tell someone who maybe finds themselves in this situation. And if you are in it, I'm so sorry. I know what you feel like. And it is life changing. It is like there aren't even words for how hard it is. And it's. And it kind of. I think the reason it's so hard is because you never saw it coming, usually. And so especially with infidelity and you didn't know and you never even suspected it. So it becomes, you know, just a situation where you're like, your whole world just went up in smoke. Not just that, but then you also have the added element for us of suicide. [00:04:44] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:04:45] Speaker A: So it was a lot to take in. And if anybody's listening to this and you're a veteran or you deal with PTSD or your spouse does and you're in a similar situation, there is hope. There is hope. And his name is Jesus. I'm telling you guys, we are a walking miracle. And I really believe that God wants to use our story to help other people who might find themselves here. [00:05:09] Speaker B: You know, I've always said that God put just the right people in just the right place at just the right time. Throughout this year, all of me, from my mental health counselor, from my physician, from our counselor, there are people in our lives without that. Certain sets of events that happened. And the VA has been great. I can't say anything bad about the Veterans Administration. They have been wonderful. But, yeah, if all of that had not been put in place by God, I think it would have been a very different story. But I think that looking back, it's just that God's amazing. And if you surrender yourself to your sin and you give it to the Lord, then God erases it and he takes care of it. And that's what's happened, is God has just moved in our lives. It took a while, and the ship was taking on a lot of water for a good bit. There were times when we didn't know we were going to make it during the month. We just kept pressing forward, kept pressing forward, forward. And no matter what I did, it didn't work in that year. Yeah, no matter. I mean, I was. I was doing woodwork. I was doing, you know, building tables and all this other stuff. Just trying to. I was even in insurance for a while, trying to find that niche that God would allow me to do anything, and none of it worked. [00:06:34] Speaker A: He just wouldn't. He just kind of. It wasn't that he blocked it. It's just. It never went anywhere. It was kind of fizzle out and. No, didn't get any leads or business. [00:06:42] Speaker B: Right. And then one day, I'm sitting in the den minding my own business. I think I was watching A and M play. [00:06:47] Speaker A: This is like two weeks ago. [00:06:48] Speaker B: Yeah. And I hear Shanna walking down the hallway clicking, and she's like, hey, you want to rebuild this deck with people? I'm like, sure. I can do anything, you know? And then from that moment on, when I got that project and I rebuilt that deck and renovated that barn the best I could, it's just been nothing but positive confirmation. [00:07:09] Speaker A: Yeah. And, I mean, that's so interesting, though, because we look back at the date, and it was exactly just a few days over a year that this had happened, you know, from the thing last year. So we were like, okay, God wanted that whole year. And I just want to say that, because I've heard this before, but now I know it's true. They say it takes a person about a year to heal from a suicide attempt, and it is so true. And it wasn't just a suicide attempt for you. It was layers and layers and years and years of trauma and injury and things that you had not dealt with. But then I had to also heal. And then we had, as a couple, had to work through stuff. [00:07:49] Speaker B: Right. [00:07:49] Speaker A: So it's. I think to most people, they would have walked away. Even a lot of Christians I know would have said, you know what? I'm done with you. You had a whole other life. You had a secret life. I cannot stay with somebody I cannot trust. And I got all, you know, because I had those. I had those moments too where I thought that in the beginning especially like, what am I doing? This is not fair to me, Lord. You know, but just I was in it. [00:08:14] Speaker B: I think that one of the things that really turned it around is I was so accepting of God. When I got out of the hospital, I knew. [00:08:22] Speaker A: I knew that there was a surrender. [00:08:24] Speaker B: And we went to church that day at Rose Height and they were talking about the Roman centurion. I think that's when things shifted for me. [00:08:32] Speaker A: Yeah, I agree. [00:08:33] Speaker B: I really think that's when things started taking off. The healing process started. And I want to tell you, it hadn't been easy. It really hasn't. We've had our argument, you know, we've had our disagreements. I mean, the pain was still raw. Relationship was very fragile. And there were times when things were awkward between us, you know, just because you'd hear a name and that would all make. Make you angry. [00:08:55] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:08:55] Speaker B: Like in a situation. Yeah. And you know, just. [00:08:59] Speaker A: Or a movie. [00:09:00] Speaker B: Or a movie or something. [00:09:02] Speaker A: Or right place town. [00:09:05] Speaker B: And that. That takes a while to heal. And I'm gonna tell you, I wasn't always the most patient person. I wasn't always the easy. I was not the easiest person to talk to about it. Even though I was supposed to be really deep down in my heart, I just wanted it all to go away. [00:09:18] Speaker A: Right. It made you feel bad because you knew. Of course it did. It was like your fault. You're like, my fault. [00:09:22] Speaker B: Right. But. But, you know, it took a while, but I did start accepting responsibility. And that's when God finally said, you know what? Now I can start working on the man inside of you and working on Yalls marriage. Because, you know, I think we're saying this way on the way home from church today is that there were things going on inside the marriage that we really had no idea about. [00:09:44] Speaker A: Right. [00:09:45] Speaker B: You know, so, like, what do you. [00:09:47] Speaker A: What do you mean by that? [00:09:47] Speaker B: Well, I just mean communication. I mean, we were both stressed out. We weren't really talking all that much about anything. [00:09:53] Speaker A: We knew the best versions of each other. [00:09:55] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:09:56] Speaker A: We did not yet know the. The worst version of the other person. [00:10:01] Speaker B: Right. [00:10:02] Speaker A: Right. We were still a little bit in the honeymoon phase and little bit we were kind of coming out of it because it had been three years at that point. And I think most time it's like two or three, four years before people are like, you know what? You get on my last nerve and then it's. Then the honeymoon phase is over. [00:10:17] Speaker B: Killing me small. [00:10:18] Speaker A: But I think that, you know, when you contrast this year, right now, in this moment with last year, it isn't. It is night and day. [00:10:28] Speaker B: It is. Yeah. The contrast between the way we are now and the way that it felt then is. Are two totally different now. We're more grounded. We absolutely have God in our life. We absolutely have him in our marriage. We do the morning altar. Not every day, but most of the mornings. We get up, we do sit down with the Lord and we do talk about God. We read some book captions and then we read the Bible and then we pray. And we're doing it, really. We're trying to keep from watching things on TV that allow feelings in. Are we always successful? No, we feel about it. I can't. [00:11:11] Speaker A: Even if infidelity. I get really mad. [00:11:16] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:11:16] Speaker A: And I just. And I'll tell you, I'm okay, but it really makes me mad. [00:11:20] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:11:21] Speaker A: And so I probably shouldn't even watch it. And like you just said, true crime and stuff. We've noticed that as interesting as it is and mysterious and I don't know why the human reign is so drawn to darkness, but for us, I feel like, for me especially, it almost like opens a doorway that I don't want the enemy to have access to our home. I want our home to be full of light and life, you know? [00:11:43] Speaker B: Well, we had not watched it in a while until yesterday and the day before and yesterday and then before that, everything was fine. The house felt light, you know, everything was good. But then we watched, as you asked me, we were sitting there. [00:11:56] Speaker A: I did it. [00:11:57] Speaker B: Yeah. We were sitting there in the den and you were like, hey, you want to watch your car? I was like, sure, why not? [00:12:00] Speaker A: And you know, a lot of times it happens because I just don't want to. I just get tired of flipping through the channels. [00:12:05] Speaker B: Yeah. It was almost immediate, the way the atmosphere just got heavy and everything. [00:12:09] Speaker A: It was. [00:12:10] Speaker B: So we're making a conscientious effort to keep our house clean of any type of negative portals. Negative energy. [00:12:16] Speaker A: You're calling them portals. I don't think they're called portals. I think that sounds like New Agey or even like non Christian. But I. I think it would be like, what I would call it is just opening the door to the spiritual, the. The demonic. If I'm going to be real honest, I think it. And it's not that I just allowed a demon to come on in. But I think what I did was I gave it a place that's easier to walk into, an opening to where it could possibly try to, you know, permeate and just start whispering and speaking. I know that some people are like, you guys were crazy. But it's just. [00:12:52] Speaker B: Well, that's just like when the Jesus, whenever the man got exorcised in the Bible, the house was clean, but it was empty. And then the demon brought back three more. [00:13:02] Speaker A: Well, and that's interesting that you're. Because this is even contrasting this year with last year. I mean, last year you were watching horror movies behind my back, you know, even though you had told me that you had stopped a couple years before that you actually started again. Yeah, and, and it was a. I, I know this sounds ridiculous to some people, but I know for a fact it was probably impacting our home. I think it was letting things in that, that we were like, what is the. Why are we fighting with each other? Why are we being so mean? Well, that spirit here, we let it in, you know. [00:13:32] Speaker B: Well, another thing is we never agreed on Halloween. I used to love. [00:13:36] Speaker A: Yes. And you and I would, I would be like, uh huh. [00:13:39] Speaker B: But. But now after I did some research, I listened to some podcasts about it. I understand now what, what it means and I always did before, I just, I just always liked the. I love scaring people. [00:13:52] Speaker A: I think you like the adrenaline rush. I think that's what it's really all about. You were just trying to get the adrenaline and help. Horror movies was a great way to do it and it seems safe, you know. [00:14:01] Speaker B: Absolutely. [00:14:01] Speaker A: But I know we're kind of going off on a tangent, but I just wanted to throw that in there that, that, that's one of the differences now is that we are try to really be careful what we let in this home. Sometimes we just play like worship music on YouTube or sometimes you and I go in, in the living room and I'll play piano and we'll just like do some worship or stuff like that. Or we watch things that are full of light right on tv. You know, if we're going to watch tv, we try to make sure it. [00:14:28] Speaker B: Our TV is very filtered. [00:14:30] Speaker A: Yes. So that's that. And I think God showed up in so many unexpected, amazing ways last year. I mean so much through provision I cannot even express to people. [00:14:43] Speaker B: Well. [00:14:43] Speaker A: And I also know what we went through financially. But God saved us all. [00:14:47] Speaker B: We shouldn't have made it. You know, looking back on our taxes and then looking what we made and what we spent. I'm like, okay, there's thousands of dollars here. That don't make any sense. [00:14:58] Speaker A: The math ain't math, and the math is not math. [00:15:02] Speaker B: But what I got to say. There is an app that you put on Roku called Vidangel. Oh, yeah. So you can watch your favorite shows, you watch your favorite movies. But Vidangel V. I D Angel allows you to filter out the yucky stuff. The language, the violence, the yucky stuff. It allows you to filter that out where you're not hearing it, even though it's there. What good angel would do is it'll block that and it'll cut that segment a little bit, but it's smooth. I mean, you don't really miss too much. [00:15:34] Speaker A: You know, Let me ask you this, because you. You were around that in that kind of language and. And joking and sexual joking and stuff like that in the military, but you were also around it all the time in nursing. [00:15:47] Speaker B: Absolutely. [00:15:48] Speaker A: Do you think now that you're not in it, around it, do you think it was affecting you? [00:15:53] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, it was. [00:15:54] Speaker A: See, I think most people don't think that. [00:15:56] Speaker B: Yeah, it was. [00:15:58] Speaker A: I do too. Absolutely. I think there's something about it that, like. It's like this. This yuckiness that gets on you from the world. It's like the world filthiness. You know what I mean? [00:16:10] Speaker B: Right. Well, you've got people who obviously aren't Christians talking to Christians. One thing they get. The one thing that I think that the enemy likes to do is make Christians fall and make them trip over things. [00:16:21] Speaker A: Right. [00:16:22] Speaker B: And what are they gonna. What are they. How is it, like, contaminate them almost, that are not Christian appropriate? [00:16:28] Speaker A: And they keep doing it and doing it until you finally just kind of let it in. And. And I think that stuff is. Is noteworthy to mention because that kind of stuff was going on, you know, when we found ourselves in this place that we were in last year. All of these doors were open. Like, I think about it because I'm trying to write that book, Catch the Fox. I've been trying for, like, 10 years. But anyway, part of the premise of the book is this idea that we have got to keep things out of our lives that contaminate our garden. Our garden is that place with God, that beautiful Garden of Eden where we fellowship more with him, and it produces all this beautiful fruit. But if we don't keep the foxes out, they'll come in and destroy everything. So if we don't keep all these little. These things like you're talking about we think they're not big deals, but they are big deals. [00:17:17] Speaker B: Yes. [00:17:18] Speaker A: It is a really big deal to surround yourself with demonic influences and. Because eventually it kind of starts creeping into your life. [00:17:27] Speaker B: Well. And you also start looking at your friends. [00:17:29] Speaker A: Yes, yes. [00:17:30] Speaker B: You know, absolutely. And I'm not saying guys out there. I know that some of you guys have friends who have been friends with you since grade school or whatever, but you've got to look at the people that you surround yourself with and look at it like this. The way that person is. When you two were out together, would you want that person to be around your family? Would you want that person to be. Would you want the church to know that you're affiliated with that person? I'm not saying that church should run your life, because church has its own. [00:18:03] Speaker A: Problems, but would you want Jesus. [00:18:05] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:18:05] Speaker A: He already knows you're doing it. I want him to sit down with. [00:18:08] Speaker B: You all, but you have to look at the influence, because even though I'm in my 50s now, almost 55. Can you believe it? 54. [00:18:15] Speaker A: You just turned 50? [00:18:15] Speaker B: Just turned 54. But even at my age, I'm still susceptible to peer pressure. [00:18:22] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:18:22] Speaker B: And. [00:18:23] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:18:23] Speaker B: And I'm like, yeah, that guy talks so dirty. But you listen to it. You listen to the language, and you listen to the way he talks, so that can jump on you. And by the time you realize it, you're also having that kind of language. You're also talking that way. So look at your friends. Look at your outside acquaintances. And I like the group that we have. You know, Greg and Rick are. They're really, really strong guys in the Lord, and if I need them, I can call them and they'd be there. [00:18:50] Speaker A: Yeah. Those are the kind of friends that we all need, the kind that pull you up and not down. You know, like they're holding you accountable. [00:18:57] Speaker B: Right. [00:18:57] Speaker A: And, you know, it's not appropriate to tell these horrific jokes in front of them. You know, it's awful. [00:19:03] Speaker B: Like, unless you're Rick. Rick says it sometimes. [00:19:06] Speaker A: Yeah. But it's not. [00:19:07] Speaker B: But it's not. It's not horrible. Rick's just a funny guy. [00:19:10] Speaker A: I think that that's huge because I think so many people. I don't know why. I guess because it go either way. It could go men or women, but I feel like, you know, they put their friendships above their marriage, and they. They hang out with these people they shouldn't be hanging out with, and it becomes a cancer almost to their marriage, and it defiles it, and it becomes toxic. But you Know, you have to leave and cleave. Even, like with friendships, like, when you get married, that has to be your priority. Well, the Lord, in your relationship with him, your marriage is above everything else in your life. And if you're not willing to put it there, you know, God's going to have to get you to a place of surrender where you realize how important it is. You know? [00:19:51] Speaker B: And then we got into. That brings us into the sermon that we listen to today at church is Jonah. And golly, that poor guy. But he brought it on himself. God told him to do something. God told him and told him and told him. He's like, man, I'm going the opposite direction. He got on a ship, they threw him overboard, got swallowed by a fish. Three days later, he spit up on the bank right there outside of Minnow. [00:20:16] Speaker A: And he could have avoided all that if he had just done what God said the first time. Just, like, do what he said, right? [00:20:22] Speaker B: Absolutely. [00:20:22] Speaker A: And I think that's a lesson to all of us, is like, okay, you can make this hard or you can make this easy, right? [00:20:28] Speaker B: But, you know, one thing that we need to talk about with past the past and come to terms with it a year later is the one thing that I figured out. See, I'm really good about forgetting and moving on. I just. Once we yell it out or talk it out, I'm over it. Yeah. [00:20:43] Speaker A: And I'm ready. [00:20:44] Speaker B: And women, I love y'. All. Y' all are not that way. And I think that one thing that the offender, which was me, had to realize is that it takes time. It doesn't happen overnight. It doesn't happen in a straight line. You have to let. God has a process to everything that he does. And everything that God does is perfect. But there is a definite. There is a definite work that God does. And it hits. I look at it as an onion, layer by layer by layer. He hits the top first. The top layer first. [00:21:20] Speaker A: Which you thought was the big issue, but it's not. [00:21:22] Speaker B: It wasn't. [00:21:23] Speaker A: That was just the beginning. [00:21:25] Speaker B: But, you know, every time God begin another layer. And sometimes it can take God a year. It took God. And I'm not saying that I'm still in a learning process. [00:21:35] Speaker A: Yeah. But he's released. You've healed enough that he's released you to work again. So there's obviously been something there that you know. But it was about a year of that. [00:21:44] Speaker B: It was. It was a year of praying and fasting. I'd wake up and God say, all right, you're going to Miss five days of what? Are you kidding me? [00:21:51] Speaker A: Right? [00:21:52] Speaker B: Five days of food. Then I'd miss one or two days of food. God would constantly tell me, okay, you're gonna pray, you're gonna act like nothing is wrong, and then you're going to go out and do your job the way you're supposed to. And I'm like, okay, day three, I'm out there mowing the yard. It's 112 degrees outside. [00:22:06] Speaker A: Starving to death. [00:22:07] Speaker B: Starving to death. You know, Now, I drank water. Obviously, you drink water. [00:22:11] Speaker A: It wasn't just that, but it was also, you know, you went to some spiritual retreats that God put on your radar to go to, and they were life changing. And we can't. We can't go there because we can't. [00:22:22] Speaker B: Yeah, but she went to the same one that I did. And Michael was right. [00:22:26] Speaker A: It was good. It was amazing. Definitely a life changing spiritual experience. But I think there was so many layers of healing for both of us that needed to happen. And I think God in his kindness does it that way. I mean, think about it. If God was like, okay, you're about to have open heart surgery and you're also going to have. While I'm in there, I'm also going to fix your. I don't know, there's something wrong with your lungs. I'm gonna work on that. And you also have cancer. So I'm gonna have to go, like, take the cancer tumor out that's by your stomach, and then there's something wrong with your brain. What if God just did it all at once to you? He's kind enough to go, no, okay, I'm just gonna deal with this one issue at a time because you can't handle it. He can, we can. And I think he was just being kind to you and to me to go, okay, right now we're just going to focus on this one thing. I'm going to reveal this to you. And when he reveals it to you, you have a choice. You can surrender to the process and obey and let him do it, or you can keep fighting and just drag it out forever. But that is true. I think that's huge. Just to learn that it's going to take time for you especially, you know, it took you 40, 50 years to get where you were. There's no way in two days it's going to be all turned around and fixed. [00:23:43] Speaker B: Absolutely. And you also got to remember the finish, that forgiveness is not the finish. Just because you forgive doesn't mean you forget. And it's a Daily work, choosing not to live from the offense or the. [00:23:59] Speaker A: Fear of committing the offense. [00:24:01] Speaker B: Again, you've got to keep your eyes focused on the Lord. You got to keep your mind focused on the Lord. And it's an everyday process. [00:24:09] Speaker A: And I'm going to say about forgiveness, because this is more, I think, where I had to live, you had to forgive yourself for sure. But this is hard because you have Satan whispering in your ear. But you also have your own flesh. You have two things working against you. Your own flesh that wants to be mad because it's a trespass, for sure. But even today in church, I had a thought, I had a moment. And it just catches me off guard when the thought is so intrusive. And I just had this flashback and a memory of something that happened with you and somebody else, and it hurt me. It's like a gut punch. And I'm sitting there and I'm thinking, I have a choice right now. I can either dwell on this thought or I can think about something else. Something else that God wants to do or say, or something he showed me. Because the enemy keeps trying to take you back into it, into the offense, into the fear, into the what if it happens again? And if you live in that place, you get paralyzed. [00:25:10] Speaker B: I can see that. [00:25:11] Speaker A: And so forgiveness is something that is ongoing when you're in these situations. Well, for any situation you have to forgive in, it is a daily thing where you have to, like, surrender it to God and you have to ask for his help. [00:25:23] Speaker B: Yeah, well, prayer on your knees is better than falling on your face. And when you're going through these tough times and forgiveness is not easy, it's hard to watch the person that you want to forgive you more than anything in the world, struggle with it because of what you did. That's when you have to just stay grounded in the Lord and put it in his hands and just work, do the work. You've got to take responsibility. [00:25:50] Speaker A: So we talked about healing, taking time. Number two is forgiveness isn't a finish line. And then number three is personal responsibility. [00:25:58] Speaker B: Absolutely. Each person, not just me who was the offender, but the person who was hurt, they both have to take responsibility for their own actions. You can't sit there and say, well, you know what? You're the reason why we're here. A married couple who is supportive and who care for each other says, okay, we are here together. We are going through this together. What do we do to get past it? You don't. You don't accuse. It's not accusatory. You don't isolate that person. You don't take away their possessions just to keep them from going anywhere. You don't do anything like that. You have to surrender that issue to the Lord, and you have to say, okay, go ahead. [00:26:41] Speaker A: And I think this is where both counseling and coaching, it probably needs to happen. The older generation before us, our parents and their parents dating and counseling, what was marriage coaching? If somebody cheated on somebody, you just said, okay, it's over, and I'm sorry I did that. And you never bring it up again. In our day and time, it's not that way. And I think that this is so vital. And this is why we decided to start doing marriage coaching, offering people, because we realize the value of it. We've learned to stop looking back. So counseling, which is needful. I'm not going to say it's not. Counseling is about looking back and figuring out what happened. Why did this happen? Okay, what's wrong? Why did I do this? Let me stop. Coaching is about looking forward. And so we believe. And just because we've been through some training and we've been through our own process with this, we believe that. I personally think that coaching is the more beneficial thing to do because it focuses on the solution and not the problem. [00:27:50] Speaker B: Right. [00:27:50] Speaker A: So I think when you're talking about personal responsibility, you know, we each individually had to deal with counseling and all that. Then we did couples counseling, which is. Which is fine. But I felt like it kept me in that place of rehashing it all the time. And I'm thinking all we're doing is rehashing it. And I'm just talking about the same thing over and over every time I come. I don't want to live like this anymore. So it wasn't until I had to let the Lord show me what he wanted our marriage to look like. [00:28:20] Speaker B: Absolutely. [00:28:22] Speaker A: And that's something we kind of saw together and figured out together. He revealed. So once I saw that, then I was able to move beyond the pain and all that and getting stuck in that cycle of whatever. But there's a response. I guess what I'm saying is there's a responsibility on both people, individually and collectively. And even if you were the one that got betrayed, I cannot express to you how important it is that you have support that you have. You probably do need some counseling for a while. I would advise that so strongly because you might think you're okay. And I did, too. I thought I was okay. I even went to a counselor, and she told me I was okay. But I'M really good at telling people what they want to hear. And I know what a healthy person sounds like because I've done some counseling myself. I know what to say to make it look like I'm okay. And I really thought I was. But then a couple months later, I started falling apart. Mine was kind of delayed, and so I had to get support for that and to get help and let God heal me. So I'm saying the person who got betrayed has a responsibility as well, because you cannot just put all the blame on the person that, you know betrayed you. Yes, they did betray you, and I'm not saying you added to it, but I think that there are situations where maybe the person that got betrayed has been neglecting the other persons for so long, or they're mean or they don't. There's just that, like, the love is lost in the relationship. And so the betrayer was so desperate and they couldn't ever resolve their issues. They went out and got it somewhere else. That's not really what happened in our relationship. But I do think that that could be playing into it. I'm not blaming one person or the other. I'm just saying it could be playing into it. [00:30:16] Speaker B: Yeah. I think to break it down in terms, you need to look at your own self, look inward and say, what can I do better? What could I do? What could I not do? What could I do better to. What did I not do to make this situation happen? And I'm not saying you have to take responsibility because the person who committed the sin should have. Should take responsibility for their own action. If they're not doing that, then just gonna take more and more time. [00:30:46] Speaker A: Yeah, but I think the question is, how can we fix this? Okay, it happened. How can we fix it? How do we get out of living in blame accusations toward each other, you know, And I just feel like we kind of. I don't know, God just helped us do that very well. [00:31:03] Speaker B: Well, we immediately turned into the Lord. [00:31:05] Speaker A: We did. [00:31:06] Speaker B: You know, we did. We immediately turned into the Lord. But I think that we also communicated. [00:31:12] Speaker A: You know, we had some. We had some rough little sparse bars there. [00:31:16] Speaker B: And it's communication is connection. You know, we communicated. We found something that we both could connect to, and that was the Lord. And once we got that connection established, I'm not saying things got easier. I'm saying that things got more honest. More honest because. [00:31:37] Speaker A: Got a little more difficult at first. [00:31:38] Speaker B: You can't bring God into the conversation and then say, well, you know, it was your fault that I Did all that, or God knew I did that. I didn't have to repent about that, you know, so you have to be careful when you're communicating and connecting with someone, that you're not just being superficial with it. Because once you invite God into the situation, he's gonna take over. Truth is coming out. And we staked our. I think I've already told you everybody this, but we staked our yard. [00:32:08] Speaker A: We prayed before all this went down. [00:32:11] Speaker B: Through all kinds of stuff. Yeah. And. And at the. At the end of the day, the sand was ruining all of it, you know, but establishing that connection between you two, like I said, you have to find that common ground. And once you find that, hold on to it with everything you have, even if it's not God, even if it's not church. You know, we're not churchy people. We're very spiritual by nature. I think. [00:32:36] Speaker A: I'm a church. [00:32:37] Speaker B: We're not religious at any means, but we do like to go to church. That's what I meant. Yeah, that's what I meant. But. But I think that you've got to find that common connection and you've got to hold on to it and communicate, talk it out. Don't get your feelings hurt if they bring it up. We were coming back from a cruise and we were on the highway. [00:33:00] Speaker A: I don't know what happened. I don't even know what happened. [00:33:02] Speaker B: We had a great time on the cruise, and we would just left Galveston, and we started driving back, and all of a sudden, bam, there it was. And I'm like, we just got off the ship. What in the world? [00:33:15] Speaker A: I don't remember. What did I do? [00:33:17] Speaker B: Start talking about asking questions, and I'm. [00:33:21] Speaker A: Like, oh, I asked you a random question out of nowhere about the affair. [00:33:25] Speaker B: Where's that coming from? You know, give me some warning. [00:33:28] Speaker A: And it made you mad because you don't like thinking about it because it makes you feel bad about yourself. And then. But. And I don't even know where. And it was probably just the devil going ask him this question. Do it right now. You just had a good time. [00:33:39] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:33:40] Speaker A: You know, and I fell for it. [00:33:41] Speaker B: Well, anytime that you're connecting on a higher level, the devil's gonna do whatever he can to. [00:33:47] Speaker A: Well, and I would just say, like, communication is the start of rebuilding your marriage, I think. But it has to be honest. And it has to be bathed in kindness, too. I mean, it's hard sometimes when you're hurt and not just blurt it out, which there. There were moments when I did that with you. I had to just get it out. I was so hurt, you know, And I didn't care if I hurt you. And honestly, I kind of wanted to hurt you. I wanted to hurt you because you would hurt me so bad. And I know that's wrong, but I didn't care. You know what I mean? Like, I needed you to feel like this is. This is. You have no idea what this feels like. And I think, though, that's the kind of stuff that you have to take to the Lord. And it's really hard because you physically want to just punch the person or, you know, like there needs to be a physical release. And maybe you do need to get a punching bag. Maybe you need to and go work out. I mean, that's what I started doing. I remember one of the reasons I went back to the gym and started walking is because I had so much anxiety and anger inside of me, and it kept coming out and bubbling over, and I was getting mad at you. So I just said, you know what? I'm just gonna start walking every day. And then that turned into me going to the gym, and it really did help me. It helped relieve some of that anger that I had. I needed a physical outlet or. [00:35:05] Speaker B: Right. Absolutely. But you have to surrender to it. And God is going to redeem what is surrendered. What. Surrender restored. And you can't go back to the normal mode that things were. The normal marriage you had before any of this happened is dead. It is over. That marriage, gone. That commitment is gone. Now you're in a brand new phase of your relationship, and you are facing an uphill battle. I'm going to be honest. [00:35:31] Speaker A: I want to say this is. You even said this to me while we were in the beginning stages. You're like, do you think that we could have a better marriage than we did before? And I remember I had heard the Holy Spirit whisper that my heart, and I'm like, there's no way. [00:35:47] Speaker B: Well, your friends kept saying, I see redemption. [00:35:49] Speaker A: Yeah. But I mean, I'm like, I'm thinking, how can God take this because it was horrible and turn it into better than it was before? But it is. It is better. Yeah. [00:36:01] Speaker B: I think we hit another level. We leveled up. [00:36:03] Speaker A: We leveled up in Mario Brothers. We are the next level. And that tells you how old I am. Mario Brothers. I don't even know what the games are now anyways. So we leveled up, but we now we see. And this. This is where the marriage coaching came in. Now we see God's vision and purpose for Our marriage. Absolutely. And that's what we move forward. Okay. So not on these separate paths. He's not doing his thing, and I'm not doing mine. This is what most people do in their marriage. They don't have a joint collective purpose together. They're just like, oh, we like each other. So we got married, and then we have kids and we love each other. Yeah, that's cool. I'm over here doing this, and I got my career, and he's over here doing this. He's got a business, and then we have kids together. So, yeah, we do that. But what is your purpose as a. As a married couple? Have you taken the time to. To figure that out with God? And that's. I think when we started doing that, now we see it. It's like, now we have something to go towards. [00:36:59] Speaker B: Yes. Well, you have to have a goal, you know, whether it's the subconscious goal. I mean, my goal was just to save my marriage and to get closer to the Lord, take responsibility for the things that I've done, and just push forward with that. But like I said earlier, the normal's gone. There is no such thing. And then. But you can rebuild something that is new and holy. And I think that it took a year. It's gonna take a while to get there. But like I said the other day, I think we hit that level. And I said that first. [00:37:39] Speaker A: Oh, okay. I'll give you the credit. [00:37:41] Speaker B: Yeah, I said it. I said it. I was sitting in the den, and I was like, do you think that maybe we just hit another level in our marriage? [00:37:48] Speaker A: I don't think you said it that way, but it was around. I don't remember what word you used. [00:37:52] Speaker B: I said it that way. She doesn't want to admit it. Okay, so what surprises you most about the healing process that we had? This little spider over here is just having a field day. If he lands on me, you're going. [00:38:04] Speaker A: To have to feel like. It's hard to articulate this, but I think, like, when we were three or four months in, I remember thinking, is this ever going to get easier? Are we ever going to have a normal life? I can't ever see. But then we're at a year, and I'm looking back and I'm going, wow, look what God did in a year. [00:38:22] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:38:23] Speaker A: Like, he did so much more than I thought. [00:38:26] Speaker B: Absolutely. [00:38:26] Speaker A: And I think we have kind of a normal life now again. [00:38:30] Speaker B: Yes. It's getting back to normal. Yeah, it is. Trials and tribulations. It still does, but, you know, it's nothing like it was. I feel like I have a little bit more freedom. [00:38:42] Speaker A: Yeah. I was gonna say that because you hated your job. I mean, you were so miserable, and I don't think you would have ever left it unless you have been forced out of it. [00:38:50] Speaker B: Right. And now God's got something great for. [00:38:52] Speaker A: Me and God's roof. So, you know, as you surrendered and it was so hard because it was hard to watch you do it, too, because I knew you wanted to go work, you wanted to go do something, and God would not release you. And I knew it in my heart. And I would have to fight that, too, because I would be like, I need some help here. You know? [00:39:10] Speaker B: Yeah. We had provided. [00:39:11] Speaker A: And then the Lord would be like, I'm helping you. I'm taking care of y' all both. I'm like, okay. Right, okay. Yeah. You're the provider, not me. And he would have to keep reminding me of that. And so it stretched my faith in ways that I wasn't even expecting, and it was not fun or comfortable at all. But I feel like now I trust God so much more. [00:39:29] Speaker B: Absolutely. [00:39:30] Speaker A: Like, there's so many things, good things that came out of it. It's crazy, because the worst thing that's ever happened in my entire life to me and you actually has brought about some of the most beautiful things I could have never imagined. [00:39:44] Speaker B: But it takes time, and it takes patience. You can't argue dirty. We've done that a couple of times. But you can't argue dirty. You got to learn how to communicate and not break down. You got to learn how to say, you know what? I'm having a hard time with this right now. Can we talk about it? [00:40:05] Speaker A: Right. [00:40:06] Speaker B: Instead of coming up and just knocking the mud outside of the frying pan. I'm not saying she did that. [00:40:11] Speaker A: Didn't you say somebody did that? [00:40:13] Speaker B: Somebody did that to me one time. It wasn't me with a cast iron skillet right in the mouth. [00:40:18] Speaker A: That was not. [00:40:19] Speaker B: That was not. That was not my wife. But. But. But you've got to communicate. You've got to get in to. You got to get into marriage mode, and you've got to get out of your flesh. You've got to realize that this isn't just about you anymore. [00:40:36] Speaker A: This is going to carry that cross, man. [00:40:38] Speaker B: You got a family, and. And you realize that the action that I just did can make me lose all of that. And I think it's important that you communicate fairly, you know? [00:40:55] Speaker A: Well, I was just thinking about. Because I think where I A good place to kind of sit for a minute was all the good things that God has brought out of this terrible thing. [00:41:05] Speaker B: Absolutely. [00:41:06] Speaker A: And if you're listening to this and you're going through the terrible thing, it gets better. You're just going to live. Yeah, it just gets better. If you will surrender. I know what you're going to get better. If you will surrender to God, if you will repent, or if you're the one that needs to, if you will get the help that you need and do it God's way and involve him in the mess, the middle of it. I'm telling you, he really will build something with you way better than you had. And so what we have that we didn't have a year ago, I would say we have way better intimacy. I think that we know each other better. I think that we're more honest. I think that we actually laugh more than we used to. I think that we. I think we love each other more. [00:41:48] Speaker B: I think so. Yeah. [00:41:51] Speaker A: Do I have moments where I don't know if I trust you? You know, that I'm still, you know, a little bit of fear rising up, But I think I do trust, you know, But I think our closeness is way better. There's way more connection between us. That's just one thing. And then our finances. God has completely just turned around, and we're just blown away by what he's been doing the last few months. [00:42:17] Speaker B: We were talking about that on the way home from Tyler today, is that, you know, our group of friends, we had a great meeting last night with them, and. And we all sit down at the table, we eat dinner, and then we start praying and start seeing what God shows us. And it was kind of amazing to feel the Holy Spirit work through each and every one of us. But the conversations, what people were seeing was basically the same thing. Patience, waiting for God. And then act when God tells you to act. [00:42:46] Speaker A: It's so simple, but we make it so hard. [00:42:48] Speaker B: Oh, it's so easy. [00:42:49] Speaker A: If God hasn't told you to do something and you've. You're just sitting there, then just wait. Don't do it. [00:42:54] Speaker B: Yes. [00:42:55] Speaker A: Wait until he will tell you when to do it. Timing is so important. And that even. That even applies to, like, our marriage, like, you know, even as far as, like. Because you could have stepped out so many times. I mean, I had gotten you a job, lined up a job for you as a nurse somewhere. I didn't want you to do it, but we were desperate and. And I just. God was just like, no. You know, and I'm like, we're over here just doing all these desperate things. And he's just like, trust me. It was so hard to trust. We're making it so much harder than it has to be. [00:43:24] Speaker B: Absolutely. And that's just by human nature. Now, I'm not telling you guys that you can just sit back, sit on your bum and just expect God to do everything. Because God wants you to help yourself. He wants to see that you're doing the work that you're putting the time in to make things better. [00:43:44] Speaker A: If you're child of God, you know what he's telling you, you just do what he's telling you. If it might, it's different for everybody. For you. You needed that year to heal. [00:43:52] Speaker B: Absolutely. [00:43:52] Speaker A: There was a lot. And you're still healing, but it was bad. There was a lot that needed to go on. And so, I mean, we have. Our health is better for sure. [00:44:02] Speaker B: Much better. [00:44:03] Speaker A: Our health is much better. Our. What else? What else is better? [00:44:08] Speaker B: Well, our time. Our time. [00:44:10] Speaker A: Yeah. The flexibility that we have because it's scary because we're both self employed. We actually have like four businesses. [00:44:17] Speaker B: And that's what I'm going to say is that. Okay, so we are one example of the way God works. If you already have an established career and something. I don't think, I'm not saying that God's going to make you with that career. We're just giving you an example of what happened to us, your situation. It may be totally different. God wants to stay at the job you're at. If, if you're comfortable with that job now, if there's something that happened inside of that job that caused you to be where you are with your wife, then you need to, then you need to consider a change. [00:44:49] Speaker A: If your job is pulling you away from your family. [00:44:52] Speaker B: Absolutely. [00:44:53] Speaker A: And you're constantly finding yourself struggling, then I, you know what pray about, make God maybe have something better for you than what you're doing. [00:45:01] Speaker B: And I kept saying, I'm 54 years old. [00:45:03] Speaker A: Yeah. Back then you were like, I don't know, 52. [00:45:06] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:45:06] Speaker A: Like there's no way I can change my career. I mean, this is all I've ever done besides military and blah, blah, blah, you know? [00:45:13] Speaker B: Yeah. And it's like, okay, when you hit that, when you hit your 50s, you realize, okay, I'm not established. Yeah, I have no idea. No 401k. [00:45:21] Speaker A: Right. [00:45:22] Speaker B: You know, retirement is laughable. I think we got like 30 cent. But, but I think that, I think that that's where when you're in your 50s or even in your 40s, there are very mature people out there in their 40s. You hit that mode in your life, you're like, okay, am I content work wise where I'm supposed to be? Am I content with it? And then that's when you have to turn it over to God. But I'm gonna warn you, you turn it over to God, God's gonna take control and you have to be prepared for what happens. [00:45:55] Speaker A: Yeah. He may rip some stuff up. [00:45:56] Speaker B: He's a risk. [00:45:57] Speaker A: Get down to the foundation, man. [00:45:59] Speaker B: Gonna take off him band aids and. [00:46:00] Speaker A: It'S gonna feel like he's fill in you, but he's actually just building the foundation. [00:46:04] Speaker B: Absolutely. And he's going to ask you to do some things that are hard, but surrendering to God, surrendering to the Holy Spirit and saying, okay, Lord, this is your will. [00:46:13] Speaker A: Yeah, but he never built anything that's not beautiful. And I think, I think if we understood who we're dealing with, like who he really is, if he could create the world and the universe and he's just asking you to surrender your life, what can he do with your busted, broken life that you've destroyed? [00:46:29] Speaker B: Absolutely. [00:46:29] Speaker A: You know, there's so much he can do with it. And I think the last year of our life, he's just been, there's been a lot of healing, but he's built the foundation. And now he's like, okay, I'm the foundation. He's the foundation that we build our life on. And he's starting to show us all these beautiful plans he has. [00:46:45] Speaker B: Right. [00:46:45] Speaker A: And we're just kind of almost overwhelmed because we're like, we don't have time to do all this, Lord. Like, this is so big, we don't even know how to start. [00:46:53] Speaker B: Right. You know, I think, okay, so let's pretend like something. Let's pretend like you and I are doing our marriage reboots. Yes. And we're sitting across the table from a couple that has come through a similar situation to us. What do you think? I mean, I got my ideas, but what do you think that we should tell them? And you know, and I think that one of the mistakes that we can make is talk about ourselves too much because everybody's situation is different. Yeah. So we look at him and we, and we talk about what they have together, what they have in common. Because a lot of times in a lot of marriages, you forget that. You forget that the reason why I fell in love with this person is, or, you know, she Throws a Frisbee. Well, or whatever. But. But I think that. I think that if we were sitting across the table from that couple, which we will be eventually. What are you going to tell them, man? [00:47:53] Speaker A: Why do I have to answer this first? [00:47:54] Speaker B: I asked the question. [00:47:56] Speaker A: I was in a prepared question. I think I would say something like, what drew you to this person? What was it about this person that you loved so much? [00:48:09] Speaker B: Absolutely. [00:48:10] Speaker A: What would you say? [00:48:12] Speaker B: Well, I would say about you. That it was your heart. [00:48:16] Speaker A: No, I mean, what would you ask the question? [00:48:17] Speaker B: Oh, I would say you got to let go. You got to let go and you got to let God. You got to let God do the work. You've got to let God. You got to do it like Jonah. You got to completely surrender. [00:48:30] Speaker A: I've been loser for doing God's will. [00:48:32] Speaker B: Yeah, you gotta let go. And then you've gotta be prepared to walk into the city and you gotta be prepared to face all that. Because, you know, you gotta be saying some things that are hard and people don't want to hear it. Especially you. [00:48:44] Speaker A: Well, I think if, if somebody was, you know, we were doing a marriage reboot, which by the way, basically, real quick, we'll tell you what that is. That is like we are certified married or purpose coaches and we do these things called marriage reboots. And it is literally a two day, all day retreat, intensive retreat where we help coach you through getting you unstuck. I think that's the best way to put it. Getting you unstuck, getting you back on track, getting your marriage back in sync, in alignment, especially with the Lord, but with each other. And so, you know, there's a lot that goes into it. And we look at each area of your life. It's not like it's just a one and done thing. It's literally every area of your life. But what I would say is sometimes to go forward, you have to remember just a little bit of why you fell in love with that person. Because there's something there that you really like. [00:49:46] Speaker B: Well, when you're going through the process of that, you start noticing because you have that one form that you fill out and it has a whole bunch of things that you like on it. And you do a check, you'll see that you don't have anything in common that way. But we had some things, you know, we both love to worship. Our spiritual life is very important. We both love doing things. Hands, you know, so there were some things in there, huh? Very creative. [00:50:13] Speaker A: There were some things we like to do, exercise wise Together. [00:50:16] Speaker B: Yes, there were. So you'll find out that you have things in common. And the important thing that you need to do is to focus on what you have in common, not what you don't. Because I am an outdoors fanatic. I mean, the more. That's why I love the job that I'm doing now is because I'm outdoors all the time. [00:50:36] Speaker A: Right. [00:50:36] Speaker B: I'm getting that vitamin D. I'm getting happy, you know, playing with us, playing with saws and getting that almost bit my fingers off, you know? But. But. [00:50:50] Speaker A: Well, you're. You're. You're. You're doing the thing that the devil doesn't want you to. He wants you to look at how different you are and accuse each other. But God wants you to look at, okay, look at how. Look at your differences, but also look at your similarities and realize that there are things that you have in common that can bring you together, but then you're also different, and the differences help you fulfill the purpose that God has for your marriage. [00:51:14] Speaker B: Absolutely. [00:51:15] Speaker A: And I mean, I see that so clearly in our marriage. I mean, I don't like to cook. [00:51:20] Speaker B: No. [00:51:20] Speaker A: I hate it. You love it. [00:51:22] Speaker B: I love cooking. [00:51:23] Speaker A: I mean, I'm like, yes, man. I have hit the jackpot because I hate cooking. [00:51:27] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:51:28] Speaker A: I mean, I'll do it, but it is not my favorite. [00:51:30] Speaker B: Yep. That is my jam cooking, man. That's one of the ways I relax. [00:51:33] Speaker A: You love to do outside stuff and around the house. I hate it. I'm like, oh, my gosh, can I just hire somebody to mow the yard? You know, just like stuff like that. I mean, you like all the things I don't like, and I think I like a lot of things that you don't like. [00:51:45] Speaker B: Right. So we kind of compliment each other because you like to do things that I don't, and I like the things that you don't. But then we do find things similar that we do like to do together. [00:51:53] Speaker A: Right. We love music and stuff like that. [00:51:55] Speaker B: Love music. We like going out and eating at different restaurants, you know, and trying new things. We actually got a little bit popular on Facebook for a while. Yeah. [00:52:03] Speaker A: We were going around to eclectic places and eating and posting about it. [00:52:08] Speaker B: But. But I think that one of the. One of the things that you really need to look at after this happened is that you are never too far gone, for the Lord defines you. You're not too far gone. Right. You and your marriage are never too far gone to think. Are you never so far gone to think that God can't Help you? [00:52:32] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:52:33] Speaker B: Because what you're doing is you're putting God in a box. And God don't like boxes. God is. God is. He is. He is the creator of a vast, vast universe that we still can't see the end of the. And if you, if he can do that, to put it in perspective, if God can do all of that in the time that the Bible says he did, then what can he do in your life in the span of a year, you know? [00:52:59] Speaker A: Right. [00:53:00] Speaker B: So don't ever come to the group or don't ever come sit at the table and talk to your spouse with a mindset that, you know what? I'm just before gone. There's no hope for me. Because there's always hope, man. [00:53:10] Speaker A: Yes. [00:53:11] Speaker B: Always hope. [00:53:12] Speaker A: You know, God wants to blow your mind with what he can, can do. I've seen him do it not in, only in our lives. I've seen him do it in other people's lives that I, I know and just take. I mean, the most awful situation that you're like, there's no way anything good could ever come from this. And he takes it and something good comes from it. [00:53:33] Speaker B: Absolutely. I mean, and it's just a small, it's minuscule thing, you know, it's something that you really don't think gonna make that big of a difference. And then all of a sudden it's like, wow, I did that. [00:53:44] Speaker A: It really is. It's Ephesians in Ephesians chapter three, where it's this word boema that we get our word from English word poem. And it's the scripture that says we are God's masterpiece, created anew to do the works in Christ Jesus that He destined for us to do long ago. So it's this idea of masterpiece or poetry. And it's this concept that God is, is the. He is the. He is the artist, the best artist has ever existed. And so he wants to take. He wants to take your life, though, and he wants to make it into this master. It actually says we are God's masterpiece. Right. [00:54:26] Speaker B: He made us in his image, so we are the masterpiece. [00:54:28] Speaker A: But you know, we have destroyed our lives, many of us, a lot of us with bad choices and, or just been victims to somebody else's choices or just the world around us being so messed up that it feels like it destroyed your life and anything that could have been beautiful, but God has this way of taking it. And even though it looks like it's been destroyed, he turns it into something else and something you could have never imagined. And I feel like that's what he's done with our life. He's turning it into something that is so beautiful that people are just. We are just in awe, but other people are going to be like, right. [00:55:04] Speaker B: Something that we thought was so far gone, that there was no hope. And God turned that into the couple that we are now and the things that we have for the future. [00:55:14] Speaker A: It's exciting. [00:55:15] Speaker B: It's exciting. [00:55:16] Speaker A: I used to be like, it is. [00:55:18] Speaker B: I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Wore out, but it's exciting. [00:55:21] Speaker A: Yeah. I'd rather die like that than be, you know, like, have not done anything. [00:55:25] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. But, you know, I also remember this. When it comes to your marriage and the hardship that you go through, God already knew it was going to happen. He already knew that the infidelity was going to happen. He already knew that the money problem was going to happen. God already saw it before you were even born, and yet he still decided to make you. [00:55:48] Speaker A: And you're still with that person. [00:55:49] Speaker B: And you're still with that person that. [00:55:51] Speaker A: You know, you didn't make a mistake. You didn't, you know, whatever the devil might be telling you, if you will surrender and allow God into the marriage, maybe just one person is the only one that will do it. And that's okay. Because, to be honest with you, this started with my level of devotion to God, because you weren't there yet. I was unequally yoked. We really were. [00:56:13] Speaker B: I was really angry at the Lord. [00:56:14] Speaker A: We were unequally yoked. And. But I stayed. And I'm not gonna say I did a bunch of stuff. Right. I didn't. [00:56:20] Speaker B: Y'. [00:56:20] Speaker A: All. I didn't. But I think one of the things I did do was when God would prompt me, I would pray. It was that simple, you know, and it was. And I would kind of like, hey, can we. You want to go church me a day? And you would argue with me, not want to go, but I would do it. And then I started asking you, hey, you want to start praying together in the morning? And you were like, okay. And you didn't argue with me. Hey, do you want to put some scriptures around the property? Hey, you want to do some scripture marking of the property and start praying? And, you know, we were reading through a book that had prayers in it about praying for the atmosphere in your home and the land and, you know, removing any demonic powers that might. That might be there from previous people or whatever. [00:57:00] Speaker B: Absolutely. [00:57:01] Speaker A: And so we were doing all this stuff. You were on board with me, but in your heart, you were still unequally yoked. But I'm just saying God started with the person. He started with me. I was the one that was still in fellowship with God. [00:57:11] Speaker B: Yeah, well, that's what God will do a lot of times, is that he'll take two people that are not equally yoked together and he'll use that person who is in line with God as the example, and he'll allow hardships to happen just so the person who isn't the same as you can watch how you have peace about it while they sit back and they struggle. I kind of want that. [00:57:37] Speaker A: Yeah. And how sad would it be if you are. That you are the one that is walking with the Lord and you're, you know, the other person is not, but they're watching you? How sad would it be if you handled the situation so badly that you put such a bad face in their mouth toward God? Because you're mean, because you're screaming, because you're sick of the person, because whatever. So it's doubly hard on you because you are walking with the Lord. But he can give you a grace to do it, and he can show you and tell you what to say and what not to say and when to say it and how not to nag, but how to pray. I mean, there's. So he wants to help you do that. I'm telling you because he helped me. [00:58:17] Speaker B: Absolutely. [00:58:19] Speaker A: He wants your marriage to work. [00:58:20] Speaker B: He does. But the one thing, the most important thing in this year that I can think of that I did, is I let you process. [00:58:27] Speaker A: Yeah, you did. [00:58:29] Speaker B: You know, there were some days when you just break down crying, and I knew it was about what happened, and sometimes I just shut up. And then sometimes we talked about it. You know, you got to let the spirit move you in that situation. But men and women who have done things to hurt their marriage, you've got to give that person a timeout. You've got to give that person a time to process that. [00:58:51] Speaker A: And we've. And we've done whole episodes on some of this material that we're talking about. So if any of this resonates with you and you feel like I need more information on that, you can go back and listen to those specific episodes that we're talking about. We just wanted to do an overview today of kind of the top six. Five or six things that we feel like we have learned that were important. And really, I think this is more about giving people hope, seeing that what God can do in a year is incredible. [00:59:19] Speaker B: So I think that the one thing that I can say throughout this entire year, and regardless of what's on here, but. But I wouldn't trade it for anything, you know, because before we got married, we were just going through the motion. You know, you worked, I worked. We had money together, but we had two separate lives because I was never home. I was always traveling. And now God has forced us into this. And honestly, I'm not complaining, but he has put us in a situation. We're together almost 24 7, unless I'm out doing the job. [00:59:58] Speaker A: But it's like we have the same. I'm not saying that I don't have some assignments that you don't have or vice versa. God will give me personal assignments as well. But for the most part, it's like we have a combined joint purpose and vision that God said, okay, this is what I want you all to do with me for the kingdom. And that gives you focus and it gives you direction. And so you could stop fighting each other. And you start devouring each other and destroying each other with your words, because you start realizing we're on the same team. God has something for us to do. And how can we do the. It's like the US Government right now, you know, like, they can't even vote to reopen it because nobody will. [01:00:41] Speaker B: Nobody will agree on anything. [01:00:43] Speaker A: It's like we have two sides going here. And the people that are, you know, paying for it are the ones that need it. People who need get paid right now are not going to get paid. So I feel like that that's going to happen in a lot of marriages. You know, there's so much division and divisiveness, and God is just trying to bring some unity because without unity, you can't move forward at all. [01:01:04] Speaker B: Right? But also remember that a year is a blink of an eye to God. It's not really that long of a time compared to how long we're on the Earth. Just because our situation has gotten so much better in a year doesn't mean that a lot of people are going to be that way. It depends on the situation. It depends on the parties. If one party is not willing and one party is willing to restore things, that can take a little bit longer. But the most important thing you do is throw that anchor outside of your boat, hold on to that line, and let God take that anchor and anchor you in place. And he will guide you, and he will direct your paths to where you need to go. He will do it. [01:01:51] Speaker A: So I think that is a Wrap, man. [01:01:54] Speaker B: That's an hour. [01:01:55] Speaker A: And, like, we were kind of mentioning about the marriage reboot that that will be. That information will be released soon. We're still kind of getting everything together on that, but we very soon will be offering to have these. And it is a situation where you actually stay with us. [01:02:12] Speaker B: Yeah. You stay at our home. I cook. [01:02:14] Speaker A: Yeah. It's crazy. I mean, this is amazing because it's a full on two days with us now. [01:02:20] Speaker B: It's intense. Shannon lost her mind the last day, I'm going to tell you. [01:02:24] Speaker A: Well, I just was tired, I think. Anyway, it was overwhelming. We don't want to scare anybody. No, it was great. [01:02:30] Speaker B: Yeah, it was great. [01:02:30] Speaker A: But what you walk away with it from is so worth it. The clarity that you get, the. The. Just the eye opening, like, oh, my God. [01:02:39] Speaker B: Right. [01:02:40] Speaker A: You know, and. And you. You. You start sensing God. God's hand and why he brought you together and what he wants you to do, and it's just, like, you get excited about it, right? [01:02:50] Speaker B: Absolutely. [01:02:51] Speaker A: So we want to offer that soon. We'll have more information on that, hopefully on the next episode, and we'll put. [01:02:55] Speaker B: It on our website. We'll put it on the website. [01:02:57] Speaker A: That's the thing. We don't even have a website right now, so we're gonna get that going, too. [01:03:04] Speaker B: I thought we had a website. [01:03:05] Speaker A: Well, we have myshannastrange.net so we probably will just put a page on there for the marriage altar. [01:03:11] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:03:12] Speaker A: And also the coaching will be under that, so we'll put that out here soon. But in the meantime, thanks for listening. [01:03:19] Speaker B: All right, guys, you have a blessed day. We love you guys.