Vision Casting As a Couple: Where Are We Actually Going?

[00:00:15] Speaker A: Catch us little foxes. They're feasting on our own. Welcome to 2026. [00:00:27] Speaker B: What is going on, people? Happy, happy New Year to everyone out there. We are way behind. [00:00:34] Speaker A: Listen, I can't even believe it. It's 2026. [00:00:37] Speaker B: I'm so glad it is. [00:00:38] Speaker A: It's January 14th. It's already been 14 days. [00:00:40] Speaker B: Yeah, well, 25 was horrible. [00:00:42] Speaker A: Yes. [00:00:42] Speaker B: So 26 has got to be better. I don't know if there's more of the bottom of the barrel that we can get to. So 26 is going to be better. We're going to manifest it. We're going to purchase, pray about it and expect it from the Lord. [00:00:54] Speaker A: Okay, manifest sounds like some kind of new age thing. [00:00:57] Speaker B: Well, I was meaning in the most godly sort of way. [00:01:00] Speaker A: Yeah, right, right. Well, we're just going to trust the Lord that it is going to be better. And I pray that our listeners, if you're listening and you had a crap hole, 20, 25. Hey, listen, it can only go up, I think, get better. [00:01:13] Speaker B: I don't know what else can happen. [00:01:14] Speaker A: Yeah, 26 is coming. So looking forward to this year and all that God is going to do in our lives and hopefully our listeners. [00:01:24] Speaker B: Absolutely. I want you guys to prosper. Live long and prosper. I want you guys to be happy with yourselves and happy with your families. If 25 repeats itself this year, I'm going to go to an island. As long as it has WI Fi, I'm good. You know, got power, WI Fi and water. I'm all right. [00:01:43] Speaker A: Food would be nice. [00:01:44] Speaker B: Well, y' all can catch food. You like. You don't like fish? Never mind. [00:01:47] Speaker A: I would. I would learn to like fish if that was my only option. Yeah. Okay. I thought, why we just turn this on and just see what comes out. [00:01:54] Speaker B: Okay. [00:01:54] Speaker A: No, I was just kidding. [00:01:55] Speaker B: Of course she was like, what? That's new. [00:01:58] Speaker A: No, no, I mean, we should do that sometimes. We should just turn it on, see, like, what happens and then, hey, goes wherever God wants it. [00:02:04] Speaker B: Absolutely. [00:02:05] Speaker A: But actually what we were thinking today was talking about, you know, creating a really purposeful life. And so, like, vision casting as a couple and where are we actually going? [00:02:17] Speaker B: That's right. Because here's what I've noticed out of couples these days, especially the younger couples, is they get married and they think that everything is just gonna fall into place. Yeah, we're married. Our parents been married for like 40 bazillion years, and we're just gonna have the same kind of marriage our parents did in some cases. Now there's Other cases, the kids are like, no, we're not going that way. But it's not that way. It's work. [00:02:40] Speaker A: Well, I even think that. I'm just gonna be honest. I think so many people get married today, and in the back of their mind, they're probably thinking, we're just probably gonna get divorced someday anyway, because everybody gets divorced. [00:02:49] Speaker B: Everybody gets divorced. [00:02:50] Speaker A: I feel like. Like the institution of marriage is not even recognized as a true covenant, which is what it is. You know, a covenant. The way that covenant works, you don't actually get out of covenant unless you die. [00:03:02] Speaker B: Absolutely. That's right. [00:03:04] Speaker A: So if you really think about marriage that way, that's why I think Jesus said. Jesus, right. Till death do you part. Right? Is that right? Or maybe that. [00:03:14] Speaker B: I think that's just something that. Man. [00:03:15] Speaker A: I know that we say, but. No, I think that was something Jesus. I'm gonna have to look it up. I think it's something he said in one of the gospels. [00:03:21] Speaker B: Did he ever marry anybody? No, no. [00:03:24] Speaker A: You mean, like, was he efficient? [00:03:27] Speaker B: Jesus Christ. [00:03:28] Speaker A: Is that what you meant? [00:03:28] Speaker B: Well, I mean, did he ever officiate a wedding? [00:03:30] Speaker A: That's what I was asking. [00:03:31] Speaker B: Yeah, I don't think he did. [00:03:32] Speaker A: I don't know. Anyways. That's such a rabbit hole. So. Anyway, so. So clarity creates connection, and drifting creates distance in a marriage. Clarity creates connection and distant. I'm sorry. Drifting creates distance. [00:03:49] Speaker B: Yes. [00:03:50] Speaker A: Yes, I can see that. Looking back at our marriage. [00:03:52] Speaker B: Yeah, we did. We got busy. We got busy from day one that we got married. Heck, our honeymoon wasn't for, what, six weeks after we got married? [00:03:59] Speaker A: Yeah. And then I think I slept like 48 hours the first. I was so exhausted. [00:04:04] Speaker B: Yeah. We went to my brother's condo up in Arkansas. And you slept for like a day. [00:04:09] Speaker A: I don't know what happened. And I've done that twice. [00:04:12] Speaker B: Every time. No, it's not twice. It's every time we go on vacation. [00:04:14] Speaker A: I think it's only twice. I think it was the time we went to. On that honeymoon, but then it was also when we went to Galveston. I slept and slept, and I think it was because my body was like, okay, I can finally relax. [00:04:23] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:04:24] Speaker A: I had been so stressed and what we had been through, what I had just come through. And I think my body was just like, I'm safe. I'm going to sleep. I'm going into hibernation. And I felt bad because it was our honeymoon and I was over sleeping, like, snoring and. [00:04:41] Speaker B: No, I was expecting. [00:04:41] Speaker A: Tell the truth. Tell the truth? [00:04:43] Speaker B: No, it didn't hurt my feelings at all. You need the rest. You got the rest. It kind of freed me up. [00:04:47] Speaker A: Much nicer than me. I would have been like, what are you doing? I would have been like, oh, my gosh. [00:04:52] Speaker B: Yeah. Shows you the better person is right. [00:04:54] Speaker A: Exactly. Yeah, whatever. So anyway, yeah, so I. I see. Look, you know, looking back, because we. We. I mean, we hadn't even been married very long and that I was already seeing that. That distance between us or that that drifting was causing this distance. And it's not like, intentional. It's like we were intentionally drifting. We just had different visions and different purposes going on in our lives. [00:05:18] Speaker B: Well, we started out married. I think I stayed home for what, that weekend? [00:05:23] Speaker A: Yeah. Right. [00:05:23] Speaker B: Like maybe a week. [00:05:24] Speaker A: Yeah. Because we went to, like, brunch the next day. [00:05:26] Speaker B: Yeah, went to brunch. [00:05:27] Speaker A: And we both went to work the next day. [00:05:29] Speaker B: And then I drove to Oklahoma, I believe is where I went. [00:05:32] Speaker A: I don't think so. I think you were still, like, in Dallas or Shreveport or something around here. But anyway, it was. All of. It's kind of just jumbled up together in my mind because of all the trauma of the last couple years of our lives. I just remember that we were not on the same page. And it wasn't like. It wasn't like we were fighting. It was just like, you know, I don't think we had really come together and said, okay, how do we. How do we decide what the vision is for our marriage and what do we think that God is doing? Because there's, you know, Habakkuk says, write the vision and make it plain it awaits an appointed time. [00:06:12] Speaker B: Absolutely. [00:06:13] Speaker A: And a lot of people talk about that when they're talking about vision casting and goal setting and all this stuff. And I'm not a person who sits around and makes up goals that I know I'm not going to do. I'm not that kind of person. But I'm also not the kind of person who just wants to wander around aimlessly either. Right. [00:06:29] Speaker B: Well, it's always good to have some direction, is where you're going. That way you're not confused yet there. Like, how in the world did I get here? [00:06:35] Speaker A: It was an accident. [00:06:36] Speaker B: You know, you're like, I meant to go this way for a reason. [00:06:39] Speaker A: Yeah. Because, you know, I think. And it's because God gave you kind of this. [00:06:44] Speaker B: Right. [00:06:44] Speaker A: Like with Abraham, when God sends Abraham into his promised land, but he doesn't know he's walking around the boundaries of what's Going to be Israel. But he doesn't know that. All he knows is God said, go this direction. [00:06:58] Speaker B: Right. [00:06:59] Speaker A: And I think that's kind of what we have with our, our vision and the purpose of our marriage is, okay, we know God's saying go this direction. Let's do our best to honor that and let's build some what next steps that we think God wants to take. [00:07:13] Speaker B: Absolutely right. I agree with you. I totally agree. [00:07:17] Speaker A: So I would say what we're really trying to say is that, you know, many marriages aren't broken, but they're direction. [00:07:24] Speaker B: Right. I agree with you. Well, I think that they. I think that from the get go, from the day one, I think that. I think that here's what married couples to do, especially in the new ways we live in now we're divorced, like what, 75% of America, you know, they. [00:07:40] Speaker A: Say it's like in the 50s, but I feel like it's higher than that. [00:07:42] Speaker B: I do too. Because everybody I know, I know they. [00:07:45] Speaker A: Almost. Almost everybody I know has been divorced. But. [00:07:48] Speaker B: But I think that couples that get married, they need premarital counseling and then they need to sit down together and they need to say something. Now I'm being hypocritical because Shay and I did not do this at all. [00:07:58] Speaker A: Yeah. And we paid for it. [00:07:59] Speaker B: And we paid for it. Yes, but. But I'm not saying make, make a marriage contract, but write down on a piece of paper a goal that you guys want. [00:08:11] Speaker A: We're going to talk about some of. [00:08:12] Speaker B: Those financial stability or whatever it is. Write down that goal. And when you feel like you're moving away from that goal, then you come together and you say, okay, we're drifting, we're drifting. What are we doing wrong and how do we fix it? [00:08:25] Speaker A: Yeah, this makes me fixable. Well, this makes me want to pull out our, our chart that we did at our. [00:08:32] Speaker B: Marriage altar reboot. [00:08:34] Speaker A: Our reboot thing. Because that's what we did essentially at the end of it, we had created what we felt like, okay, this is what God is saying. This is our purpose and this is what we need to center our marriage around and our life around. [00:08:48] Speaker B: Yes. [00:08:49] Speaker A: And it really helped kind of define direction for us so that we weren't just wandering around aimlessly in circles. [00:08:56] Speaker B: Yes. [00:08:58] Speaker A: So we want to help. Want to help couples. [00:09:04] Speaker B: Keep them focused. [00:09:05] Speaker A: Yeah, keep them focused. Help you pause, reflect, and ask questions. The deeper question, which is, are we building the same life or are we just sharing the same house? [00:09:15] Speaker B: Yes, absolutely. Yes. I think that it protects couples during the hard Seasons, too, where. Where just like you and I, we were financially strapped almost from the beginning. You know, we. We walked into this. We were in love, we were happy, and then we got married. We're like, holy crap. We got, like, $12 to our name. So, you know, you were working hard, and so was I. But when I was traveling, I was. I was eating it up out. Traveling. [00:09:42] Speaker A: Yeah. You were having to spend money on hotels and food. [00:09:44] Speaker B: Hotels and food and everything. But. But I think that. I think that during the hard season, communication is the most important thing that you can have. And I'm not just over the phone, coming together as a couple. Sit down and talk. Get some time away from your kids, if you already have kids, and say, you know what? I don't feel close to you anymore. I don't feel like we're one anymore. We got to do something to fix that, because I love and I don't want to be away from you. [00:10:08] Speaker A: Like, I feel like we're stepping on our own toes, because I'm sitting here thinking is, how many nights are we sitting here watching otters on tv? [00:10:16] Speaker B: Okay, so let's just. Let's get on the harder thing right quick. Okay. Because this is great. So for the last week, you know, I'm ex military, and. And we've been focused on Iran and. And Somalia and all that stuff. [00:10:27] Speaker A: And Venezuela. [00:10:28] Speaker B: Venezuela, which was crazy, but we were fixated on that. And I come in the living room or the den one day, and Shay's in there watching otters on tv. I'm like, what are you doing? She's like, I'm watching the otters. And I'll tell you, it became an episode that I watched, too. And then we watched another one, and then we watched another one. So now when we get stressed out, we watch this little YouTube channel called Otter TV or something. [00:10:53] Speaker A: Yeah. I'm like, let's stop watching, you know, what's going on or the protests in Minnesota or whatever. Let's watch an otter thing. Because for all of a sudden, I can feel like the dopamine in my brain release when I watch. [00:11:04] Speaker B: Absolutely. [00:11:05] Speaker A: Because they're so stinking cute. [00:11:06] Speaker B: Yep. And another thing is. And I'm in. Like I said, we both said we're being totally hypocritical right now because we haven't done any of these things, but. Put the phone down. Put the phone down. Yeah, we got to put the phone down, because the phone takes up 80%. [00:11:21] Speaker A: Of your time, I think once a week. And I think this is so easy that any Any couple could do this. You could say, okay, on Monday nights, we're going to put our phones down and for an hour we're going to talk to each other and we're going to reevaluate, you know, we're going to check in with each other, but maybe even reevaluate where, like you said a minute ago, are we drifting? Like, are we on the same page? Where are we with our finances? Where are we with our health? What are we doing in this area? You know what I mean? Like, think it's so. And maybe like once a quarter get away and actually really, you know, for a couple days. Well, it's fun, but talk about that stuff. [00:11:55] Speaker B: Yeah, well, it's normal for the man to think, get tunnel vision and think, I'm the man of the house, I gotta work. Yeah, I don't worry about what we have in the bank. Like, all I do is make the money. My wife has to handle 99% of everything else. We focus on money, money, money. We focus on work, work, work, but we never pay attention what's in the bank. And when you come together that once a week, I think it should be more than that. But if you guys start out once a week, that's fine. So. But come together and say, okay, pull up your finances, pull up your bank account, pull up your spending and say, okay, this is what we have. This is where we have before we started spending and this is what we have now. And we've got to slow down. [00:12:34] Speaker A: I could see some women just like. [00:12:36] Speaker B: Well, they're shrinking in their chair right. [00:12:37] Speaker A: Now because women, I don't want my husband to know. I just to 8,000 things from Amazon. [00:12:42] Speaker B: You know, it was, it was bad for a while. [00:12:44] Speaker A: Hey, it was Christmas. Okay, man. [00:12:46] Speaker B: In my defense, yeah, I got three things from Amazon for Christmas for her, and she got like 8,000 packages. I mean, they were coming in even after Christmas. [00:12:57] Speaker A: Well, a lot of that was because of my other business and I needed materials and products. [00:13:02] Speaker B: And then the grandbaby's granddaughter's birthday was this. So her birthday is like the 28th? [00:13:08] Speaker A: No, it's January 3rd. [00:13:09] Speaker B: January 3rd, we had the birthday. [00:13:11] Speaker A: Yeah, we had it on. [00:13:12] Speaker B: So she gets a Christmas pet present and a birthday present, and it's just kind of like, good Lord. [00:13:18] Speaker A: Yeah, there's. There's boxes everywhere, there's trash everywhere. We're still cleaning up wrapping paper, I think. Anyways. So, yeah, I think a lot of women were just like turning this podcast off when they heard anything about, oh, let's Sit down and talk about our finances with our spouse. Because there's a lot of lying going on. There's a lot of hiding, which is probably. Which I'm not gonna lie. I. I've done it before. I have. I don't do it with you because you don't care. [00:13:46] Speaker B: I don't care. [00:13:46] Speaker A: But I'm gonna tell you, in a past marriage, I was. I would be like, I didn't necessarily lie. It was omission. [00:13:54] Speaker B: You forgot to tell him that. Like. [00:13:55] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, omission. [00:13:56] Speaker B: And then when you're asked about you, like, I told you. I completely told you. Totally gaslighting person. Yeah. [00:14:03] Speaker A: I didn't do that. I would just, you know, not bring it up. [00:14:06] Speaker B: Yeah, I don't think I've ever done that. You know, I think I've always been kind of like, okay, I need mine. It's been this. [00:14:11] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, yeah, that. That could definitely be a point of contention and probably if it's causing such an issue that you don't want to talk about with your spouse, that means there's some deception and you need to talk about it, and there's an issue. [00:14:25] Speaker B: Well, you need to have it at a time when you say, okay, no arguing. There needs to be a buffer zone in between this, because money is a very, very tense subject, a very, very picky subject, very sticky. You can't go into it and get mad at a spouse for overspending on something. You're adults. You got to be adults. You got to act like adults. And adults say, okay, John, you spent $4,000 on a lift kit for your truck when we had $5,000 in the bank. That's. That's horrible. [00:14:57] Speaker A: It does happen sometimes. Men's little toys are way more expensive than women. [00:15:02] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, my tools out there. I got, like. I got a lot of money in my tools out there, so. But if you find out what they done, you say, okay, this is what we got. And I don't think we've ever. We have never argued about money. [00:15:16] Speaker A: Well, we've been in such dire straits. [00:15:18] Speaker B: That we haven't had any money to argue about. [00:15:20] Speaker A: Well, and it. But it just became like, I think we need to file bankruptcy. That conversation, I don't know, but God. [00:15:26] Speaker B: Got us through it. [00:15:27] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, it was. It was horrible. [00:15:28] Speaker B: But, yeah, that's really important not to argue about money come together. Put your heads together and say, okay, this is what we've got to do to get through. And the man and the woman have to stay with that plan. And if they get out of bounds, then they sleep on the couch. Just kidding. Totally just kidding. But then if they get out of bounds and you come together again and say, okay, you didn't keep your word. You're my husband or you're my wife and I'm depending on you to be honest with me. [00:15:54] Speaker A: So that's definitely an area that couples need to be talking about. It's going to reveal other underlying. Because it's really not about the money. It's about control, probably so. Or lack of control in somebody, you know. [00:16:06] Speaker B: Right. [00:16:08] Speaker A: But you know, most couples don't. Don't sit down and decide to grow apart. They just stop deciding where they're going. [00:16:14] Speaker B: Right. And you've got to choose a direction. You got to choose a direction that you want to go together. Say you guys want to have $10,000 in savings for expenses. Say that you both want. Say one person wants to go to one church and another person wants to go to another church. We've had that. A couple. But we never argue about it. Ultimately, you get your way. [00:16:38] Speaker A: You always concede. And I don't necessarily want you to concede. I want you to really tell me how you feel. But you love me so much that you're just like, well, I just want to do whatever you want. And I'm like, no, that's not what I want. I want you to be like, spiritual man of the house and be like, here's what I feel like God's saying. [00:16:55] Speaker B: Well, I don't really feel pulled to any significant church. [00:16:58] Speaker A: Yeah. And that's what you always say. And then I'm like, well, dang it. Okay. I guess we just have to make this decision together. And, you know, and like right now, where we've kind of just landed on this, where we are right now, and. [00:17:09] Speaker B: I like it there. That last sermon last weekend was spot on, man. It hurt my feelings. [00:17:13] Speaker A: And you weren't even there. [00:17:14] Speaker B: I watched it. Yeah, I was. But anyway, another big thing is parenting and then exhaustion. You got to give your parent, you've got to give the spouse time to have rest. There is nothing wrong with a man and a wife having a newborn baby. And that man take that baby for the day and take care of that baby, clean that baby, wash that baby, take care of that baby while the mother gets some rest. There is nothing wrong with it. And that's what a real man does. And, ladies, you can't depend on the man to do it all. If your husband comes home from working an 18 hour shift, you can't Expect him to be happy when he walks in the door, he's tired. [00:17:55] Speaker A: It's such a hard season when you have little kids as the wife, because I'm going to tell you from the, from the woman's perspective normally. And I'm not, I'm not trying to be a feminist. I'm not trying to be like, woe is to all women. We have it so hard. We are so blessed compared to nations and like these Iranian women, what they've been through, you know. But with a woman in, in our culture, it typically takes two women or two, sorry, a man and a woman working. Right. Not two women. I guess it could be two women, a man, you know, husband and wife, both working to support family. Right? [00:18:30] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:18:31] Speaker A: Well, usually what happens? Because by default, women are just natural, nurturing. They're gonna take care of the baby. That's usually what happens. You know, it's very abnormal, very rare. Do you see? It does happen sometimes, but typically women are gonna try. And then they also have, you know, the instinct is that I want my house to look a certain way. I want it, you know, and then there's the pressure of, okay, I need to cook. And I mean, I had all these pressures when I was younger and Allie was a baby and stuff. I felt so exhausted because I would get up early, try to have to feed her, whatever, get her to daycare, go to work all day, pick her up, come home, cook dinner, somehow try to work out, fit church into it. I was also involved and I was worship leading. I had to do that. And then I had a ministry. I don't know how I did it. [00:19:17] Speaker B: Well, that's when you guys got to come together and have an outline. Okay, I'll take the baby to work. I'll take the baby to daycare in the morning. I get her up and I get her dressed. You will pick her up from daycare around 5pm or whatever time it is. [00:19:30] Speaker A: Yeah. And that never was always me. [00:19:32] Speaker B: Right. And then that's where, that's where the lack of communication comes out. And that's where you start drifting. You start going in different directions. [00:19:38] Speaker A: You start getting angry. [00:19:39] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:19:40] Speaker A: And you start getting resentful towards the other person. And I realize that, like you just said, a lot of men, and I still believe this, yes, there's a lot of women in high powered executive level jobs or just even normal jobs that are super stressful. A lot of men run companies and especially like in your world, in the mortgage lending industry where I'm at, it's mostly men and I realize the stress level is extremely high. And when you guys get off, you don't want to come home and have to like, oh, great, now I have to take care of a baby and cook dinner. Well, nobody does. The woman doesn't want to either. So there has to be like, this shared. [00:20:21] Speaker B: Well, and that's why whenever. Cause you work from home, I know you're busy all throughout the day. That's why when I come home from work, I don't expect anything to be cooked. [00:20:29] Speaker A: Yeah, but that's not fair to you. [00:20:30] Speaker B: You're not. Because I'm out of the house working, I can't eat a sandwich. I mean, I'm good with Sam potato. [00:20:35] Speaker A: Chips, but the flexibility in my schedule usually allows me to cook. Do I always do it? No. [00:20:41] Speaker B: Well, that's why I said I'm flexible with it. You know, I'm flexible if you got something made. Hey, man, that is fantastic. If you don't, I'll eat a sandwich. Don't get mad at your spouse if she works full time, too. Taking care of a baby and taking care of a job, well, I think. [00:20:53] Speaker A: That'S where you've got to, as a couple, come together and go. Listen, during week, I'm so stressed out and crazy. Can we take Sunday afternoons and meal prep together? Or can you watch the kids while I meal prep on Sundays? That way we don't have this situation. [00:21:05] Speaker B: Or can the grandparents watch the baby while we. Something get together? You know, you can't forget that part. Just saying it's important. [00:21:13] Speaker A: Right? Right. Gotta pencil that in somehow every other. [00:21:17] Speaker B: Wednesday or something, you know, at least. [00:21:19] Speaker A: I know it's hard. And I remember those years and it may drag on. It feels like, am I ever going to have a life again? Am I ever going to be able to breathe? We're in a different season because we don't have it anymore. But we still have that feeling of there's so much to do and not enough time to do it. It always feels that way. I don't care what season of life you're in, you're going to feel probably like I don't have enough time in the day to do what I need to do. And it can just be so overwhelming. So I think that's why it's so important to come together like. Like at least once a week and talk about that kind of stuff. I know it seems so mundane, but it's almost like, okay, let's have our. Let's have our business marriage business meeting. [00:21:58] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:21:59] Speaker A: I mean, think about it like I have worked remotely for the last five or six years. And most of the places I work. Not where I'm at now, but some of the places I've worked, we were. Had mandatory meetings where we would have to jump into Zoom or we would jump into whatever platform we were using. And if you weren't on there, you got in trouble. But you know what? That stuff, it was annoying, but it was. It was great because it was like reminders. It was accountability. And it was like, oh, your business not growing because you're not doing anything. You're like, here's the things you need doing. Here's what you said you were going to do. Here's what we do. It's like a reminder. And I think sometimes we kind of neglect that part of marriage. [00:22:36] Speaker B: We do, we do. We neglect it a lot. Because caught up in the world. [00:22:40] Speaker A: Yeah, I agree. Sure. [00:22:42] Speaker B: And then when you start drifting like that, what. What happens? You become roommates. Shay and I were like that for about a year, right? [00:22:50] Speaker A: Roommates with benefits. [00:22:53] Speaker B: Yeah, buddy. Best of both worlds. No, we became roommate. You know, I come home from work, we'd be barren. [00:23:00] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh. I remember when you. You were working 12 hours, but you were having to drive to either Dallas or Street, Shreveport or somewhere in Louisiana. You would have to leave in the morning, like 4, and then you would work a 12 hour shift and then you would come home and you wouldn't get home till 8. I would see you for an hour. And we were so tired by the time you got there. And we were like newlyweds. [00:23:24] Speaker B: Yeah, we were. [00:23:25] Speaker A: It was so hard. And I really think even then it was starting to happen. [00:23:29] Speaker B: Well, I think that your persistence and our communication is what saved us, you know, because you stay. You stayed. True. You stayed the course. Even when I was all caught up in how strenuous it was. But trying to find work, being a contract nurse is hard because you're not. You don't always have a job. But, you know, both of us communicated with each other. We tried, we fell short, and we did become roommates. [00:23:55] Speaker A: Well, you know, the hard thing was, though, with that kind of work and lifestyle is when you do. When you do have a day off, you're so dang tired. [00:24:03] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:24:04] Speaker A: That you can't even. And then you have, oh, my gosh, I mow the yard. I need to do this, I need to do that. So it's like, even when you were off, it was like, oh, my gosh, we have two hours to be together this week though, right? It's not conducive to a healthy marriage. And I just want to say, like, if I think. I think I'm going to throw this out there to people and pray about it and everything. Of course, God may have something better for you in your marriage. And I think if you're willing to take a chance and you feel like this is not working, this is not. It's making our marriage unhealthy. Like, pray about, could God possibly have something better for you that doesn't require you to be away from your family all the dang time? [00:24:45] Speaker B: Right. Being away during the day is okay, but being away for weeks at a time. Now, I understand that you probably. The oil field's big in this area, so I'm sure that wives have husbands or husbands have wives that work out in the area. [00:24:57] Speaker A: Yeah. Let me tell you where that leads. No, no, I'm just gonna say working away from home in general leads to infidelity sometimes. I would love to see the stats on it. I'll have to pull them. But I'm telling you, I don't know how many people that are in that kind of work where they travel or whatever and they're gone. How many of them probably have affairs. [00:25:17] Speaker B: I mean, really, I don't know. You know, I have no idea. [00:25:20] Speaker A: I think it's probably a lot more than we realize. [00:25:23] Speaker B: Well, I'm sure it is. [00:25:24] Speaker A: Whether it be loneliness, whether it be whatever. It's just. It's not healthy for people to not couples to not be together. [00:25:31] Speaker B: It is not healthy. You can't feed yourself if you don't have the one there who helped you. [00:25:36] Speaker A: And you're not sharing a vision, you're not sharing a purpose if you're not together. I'm not saying there can't be a season where, like, you know, I don't know, for six months we have to do this, and it's really hard and we hate it. But if it's dragging on, you might just pray and say, lord, is there something better that would work for our family? [00:25:53] Speaker B: He completely turned my career around. 180. [00:25:56] Speaker A: Yeah. And I'm so glad. [00:25:57] Speaker B: I am, too. [00:25:58] Speaker A: I'm so glad that we were open to, especially you, because you're the one that had made the decision of, is there something else God could be leading me into? And you kind of had to stumble your way into it. It took you a while. Honestly, you didn't really realize it until I threw you into that job. [00:26:13] Speaker B: Threw me under the bus, basically. [00:26:14] Speaker A: Threw me on the bus. I threw you into position where, you know, I think we talked about this last time where, you know, I needed a contractor to help me with something because of a loan I was working on. And you jumped, actually said, I told the realtor that you could do it. And you were like, what? And I'm like, I don't know why I just said that. It just flew out of my mouth. It's because God was like, this is where I want him, and this is what, you know, works for our family. [00:26:38] Speaker B: And we have been blowing and going ever since. [00:26:40] Speaker A: Yeah. And you love it and you're happy. So I think that if you're miserable in your job, it's messing your marriage up. Pray about, like, God could be leading you into something else. [00:26:49] Speaker B: Well, God needs to be in it from the beginning anyway. You know, if you get. If you get an opportunity to have a new job, even if it's more money. Take a moment to pause and look at the pros. I guarantee you, if there's a pro to it, there's a con. And weigh those two together. And like I said, communicate with your spouse about what it is. Because there's always something to it. There's always a hitch to making more money. You guys gotta look deep into that. [00:27:13] Speaker A: You gotta sell yourself sometimes, unfortunately, you know, and sell your marriage and. [00:27:17] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:27:18] Speaker A: You know. [00:27:18] Speaker B: Right. But, you know, there's a cost to not having a share vision. And one of the main things that I don't think we really ever had was the emotional disconnection part of it. [00:27:27] Speaker A: I do think we had that. [00:27:28] Speaker B: You do think so I'm probably disconnected most of the time anyway. [00:27:34] Speaker A: Well, I think yours had more to do with, like, ptsd and some of that area. You were emotionally not regulated, so you were disconnected in some areas. [00:27:44] Speaker B: I wasn't on meds. [00:27:45] Speaker A: Well, you were doing other things to deal with it. And instead of connecting with me or being healthy about it, you didn't know. So. But yeah, I mean, not having a shared vision definitely causes you guys to be disconnected. Sure. Because you're not on the same page. [00:28:00] Speaker B: Right. [00:28:01] Speaker A: You don't even have the same values. You don't even have the same purpose. [00:28:04] Speaker B: Well, you're not sharing the same household. You're not sharing a life. All you're doing is being roommates and walking around saying, okay, I'm ready to go to bed. You coming? No, I'm wide awake. [00:28:11] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:28:12] Speaker B: You know, but. Yeah, you got to be diminished. Absolutely. [00:28:17] Speaker A: Another cost of not sharing. Not having a shared vision is repeating the same argument. Oh, my God, yes. Like, just fighting about the same stupid thing over and over and over and over. [00:28:29] Speaker B: Well, you know, the enemy runs around like a roaring lion, looking at who he can devour. And think about it. What's the best way to get a couple to argue? Yeah. You know what? He didn't wash the dishes two weeks ago, and I'm still mad about that. He made me mad today, so I'm gonna remind him about what happened two weeks ago. Yeah. Or she didn't wash my favorite shirt a month ago, and I had to wear a different shirt. It's all petty. It's all petty. [00:28:57] Speaker A: Yeah, but it's the. We talked about this. Like, what's under the surface a couple episodes back. [00:29:01] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:29:02] Speaker A: Feeling unseen or misunderstood is a huge cost of not having a shared vision, for sure. Because maybe, you know, like, if one person feels like they're. They don't have a part to play, or they just feel like their contribution doesn't matter. I've seen this a lot in men that are very, very powerful or maybe even pastors or they're just, like, really popular, famous. It's almost like the woman doesn't even exist. [00:29:27] Speaker B: Right. [00:29:28] Speaker A: And she's just kind of disposable and not that important. And I just wonder, you know, like, how hard that must be to carry that, to feel like you're not seen or you're misunderstood all the time. [00:29:39] Speaker B: Yeah. You know, that's an issue that I know. Men have a really hard time with it. And I do it to you all the time, and we're talking, and all of a sudden, I'm starting to read something on my phone, and then you're continuing to talk to me, and I'm going, yeah, yeah. I was like, I didn't know that you shot a bird out of a tree. And you. Like, that is not anywhere near the same neighborhood. I said, I went to church today. That's what I said. [00:30:05] Speaker A: I'm almost like, dude, do we need to check your. Your brain? Like, did you hear what I just said? [00:30:10] Speaker B: Yeah, let's get out the distractions. [00:30:13] Speaker A: Well, I almost want to take you and get your face and go, did you hear what I. Listen to me. Listen like a little kid. Listen to me. [00:30:20] Speaker B: Right? And that may. And that goes into feeling unseen, you know? Is that, like, you can be an invisible person in your house? I was a while back, you know, I was unseen. As long as my presence was felt and I wasn't heard, it was fine. And I'm like, you know what? I'm kind of happy. [00:30:39] Speaker A: That's not a Marriage, not a marriage. [00:30:40] Speaker B: It's a dictatorship. [00:30:42] Speaker A: Yeah. And that's not a healthy place, to be honest. It really is. [00:30:46] Speaker B: It really is. [00:30:48] Speaker A: Let's talk about the five areas that every couple needs a vision in. Because I think that these, like, if you were. If you were a really smart person, right. And you really were serious about. Okay, I want to make. I want my marriage in 2026 to be way better than it has been. I want to. I want us to be on the same page. I want to create. You know, I want us to create the vision or really understand the vision God has for our life. We have to understand that there's different areas that you're gonna need to address. [00:31:18] Speaker B: Right. And one of those is, what do we want as a couple? [00:31:23] Speaker A: What do we want for our marriage? Yeah. And, like, number one is gonna be like, okay, we need to have a vision for our marriage. Right. [00:31:28] Speaker B: It's not a material. It's, what do we want as a couple? What do we want to do? Maybe it is material. I don't know. I don't think so. [00:31:36] Speaker A: No, I don't think so. I think it's like, what kind of marriage do we want? So what I think, for me, I. [00:31:41] Speaker B: Want to be that couple. [00:31:42] Speaker A: I want to be. What do you mean by that? [00:31:45] Speaker B: I want to be the cup that everybody looks at and say, I want to be like y'. [00:31:48] Speaker A: All. Because they're happy and in love. [00:31:50] Speaker B: Yeah. It's because we're happy. We're in love. We listen to each other. We're both satisfied in our marriage. We communicate, and we're just. When people get together, they can feel it, and they can see it. That's what I strive to be as a husband. [00:32:03] Speaker A: Yeah, I think so, too. And, you know, nothing that you said in that had anything to do with, I want us to have a lot of money. I want us to be popular. I want us to be like, whatever. It was more about genuine, like, fulfillment and happiness. [00:32:18] Speaker B: Now, I still didn't want that motorcycle, I'm saying. But that's not part of marriage. [00:32:22] Speaker A: Right? [00:32:23] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:32:23] Speaker A: Right. [00:32:24] Speaker B: But now, then, when it comes down to family, like, never. [00:32:27] Speaker A: Yeah. So number one is family. You've got to decide. I'm sorry. No one is married. You've got to decide what kind of marriage you want. [00:32:33] Speaker B: Right. [00:32:33] Speaker A: And this. Honestly, as we're getting into this, this is what we do with people with the marriage reboot. This is what we take you to. [00:32:40] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. [00:32:41] Speaker A: These areas, not exactly these, but they're very similar. Okay. Yeah. Number two is family. [00:32:46] Speaker B: Right. You gotta have the same parenting values. [00:32:50] Speaker A: That's tricky because, you know, my dad. [00:32:52] Speaker B: Was heavy handed, my mother was heavy handed. They agreed on that part. Beat us. But. But my mom would always, if she saw it going too far, she would step up and say, hey, let me step in. I'm just kidding. She was. She would come in and she would break. You rest your arm while I take mine over. [00:33:13] Speaker A: But no, I'm saying like WWF wrestling, when they. [00:33:17] Speaker B: Yeah, right, yeah. Nobody wanted to tag on me because I was the one getting beat. But I'm sorry, no, it's pretty funny picture. But I do follow my train of thought. But you've got to come together. You're going to have to agree on the discipline of the family. I don't agree with that whole timeout thing, you know, I mean, I don't agree with that. But if it works for you and your husband, if that's the way y' all want to parent and that's the way y' all want to discipline your children, then that's fine. [00:33:45] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:33:46] Speaker B: But when you've got someone and you guys agree that, you know what, if you mess up, I'm gonna come whip your butt. That's just the rules of the house. Mama, you guys support him and Daddy. [00:33:56] Speaker A: You guys support her, you know, And a great example of this is because since you and I are older, our kids are grown, we have. But we have grandkids. And so one day, one of our grandson was over here and he was being a brat and he was not listening to me, and. [00:34:13] Speaker B: And don't respect you ever. [00:34:14] Speaker A: I was getting. I was getting worried because I could see that you were getting worked up, like. And I knew you were about to put the hammer down and. And I was, like, scared, you know? But you did. You put the hammer down and you. I think you spanked him a little bit. [00:34:28] Speaker B: I took. I tapped him on the butt. There was no loud clap. [00:34:31] Speaker A: He cried like you broke his heart. But then you said, I tell him you're gonna eat. You're gonna eat that. And he's okay. And he ate whatever. It was like chicken nuggets or whatever. [00:34:40] Speaker B: He had asked for him. [00:34:41] Speaker A: He had been arguing with me and fighting and being a little brat for, I don't know, 30 minutes about it. And that's when I backed off. And I was like, okay, I'm gonna let you do what? Like, I needed to back you up in that because it was the right thing to do, you know? [00:34:55] Speaker B: But you know what? I watched his dad. I watched Dre with him. And Dre is a fantastic parent. I love the way that Dre and Allie take care of those babies. Dre doesn't spank him unless he needs it. He walks up to him and he gets in his face and he's like, okay, look at me. You asked for that. You're going to eat that. You won't get anything else. And I'm like, man, I wish I had that kind of patience. [00:35:13] Speaker A: Patience, Yeah. [00:35:14] Speaker B: I wish I did. [00:35:15] Speaker A: I know. But him and Allie are on the same page in the way that they parent, and they've done a really good job with that. The next one is like, boundaries with your extended family. [00:35:24] Speaker B: This right here can make or break our side forever. It really is. [00:35:29] Speaker A: Because, like, I see this so much more mostly in women. So, like, here's the worst thing that you can do in your marriage is if you have a situation between you and your spouse. And I'm not talking about a life threatening. When I'm talking about you guys are, you know, arguing and there's. I'm not talking about these. They're beating you or something serious. But, like, to constantly go back and tell your mother or your sister or whatever about all your problems in your marriage. Listen, that is a boundary that doesn't need to be crossed. [00:35:58] Speaker B: That's just a sacred thing that stays inside of the walls of your house, man. Once you get your mother involved in argument between you and your husband, the mother's not gonna like you anymore, you know, because she thinks that you're mistreating her daughter or her son, and it's just not a cool thing. [00:36:16] Speaker A: It's a real fine line to walk because I've been there where I should have talked to someone, and I didn't. I tried to cover up what the other person was doing. So I don't. I mean, but you have to be careful, and you have to have some wisdom. You need someone to talk to. It just probably isn't your family. [00:36:30] Speaker B: Right. [00:36:31] Speaker A: You need a friend. You need someone that you can trust. [00:36:34] Speaker B: Right? Agreed. [00:36:35] Speaker A: Agreed. But those are the areas you need to talk about. Okay. Family wise, let's talk about how we parent. Let's talk about how we create boundaries with our extended family. [00:36:44] Speaker B: Let's talk about faith. [00:36:45] Speaker A: Yeah. So number three is faith, because to. [00:36:47] Speaker B: Me, that's the most important part. [00:36:48] Speaker A: Yeah. So number one was marriage. Number two is family. And then the area of faith. [00:36:52] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:36:53] Speaker A: How do we want faith to show up in our marriage? [00:36:55] Speaker B: Well, you know, there are some couples out there who are happy going to church once A month? [00:36:58] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:36:59] Speaker B: You know, and I'm not gonna lie, I haven't been the best about going to church. [00:37:01] Speaker A: And, you know, no one should really bring judgment on them for that if they agree on that. And that's how they feel, right? They feel like this is what we feel like God is telling us. I feel like. And I'm just gonna say this. I feel like you and I get judgment from people. [00:37:18] Speaker B: We do. [00:37:19] Speaker A: Because they don't agree with the way that we have. I guess kind of floated around between churches trying to figure out I was doing it before you and I met. Floating around for, I don't know, seven. [00:37:29] Speaker B: Years trying to figure out going to church. [00:37:31] Speaker A: Yeah. You weren't going at all. And then I went through a phase where I was only going, like, once a month because I just. I was so messed up and hurt from the church that I needed some time. And I even feel like now people still judge me and know they are. I know they're saying things about me. They're like, oh, she's flighty. No, it has nothing to do with that. [00:37:51] Speaker B: If it doesn't fit, why go? [00:37:53] Speaker A: Yeah. If it's not. If I feel like the Lord is saying. And I can hear the Lord, okay. If I feel like he's saying, in this moment, in this season right now, this is what I want you to do. My allegiance is to him. [00:38:05] Speaker B: Absolutely. Well, if you're a size 42 and you put on a size pair of size 30 underwear, it's going to hurt. You know, you gotta try different pairs of underworld. [00:38:15] Speaker A: Where did that come from? [00:38:17] Speaker B: I just thought it up. Isn't that crazy? But yeah. I mean, it's gonna look weird and you're gonna stand out because you'd be like, I'm hurting really bad right now. But. But if you're that uncomfortable at a church, man, don't go, because you're not getting the. You're not getting the message. [00:38:32] Speaker A: You know, it's a real. It can be a real challenging thing to discern whether it's your flesh fighting and not wanting to be there or if it's like God saying no. And sometimes you have to keep going a few times to discern whether it's just you being ridiculous or if it's God. And I think with us, I think our flesh. I think with us, we would prefer to be home. We don't like being in large crowds. Neither one of us do. We're both traumatized by things. We would prefer to not have to interact with a lot of people because we're introverts. So we have to be real careful that we don't always make spiritualize it and be like, I just feel like we need to stay home spiritually. Maybe we don't. Maybe we actually need to go. You know what I mean? [00:39:15] Speaker B: Right. Well, I get convicted. Yeah. I've been out for a while. [00:39:18] Speaker A: I get convicted because definitely you do need the body of Christ. But what is the body of? This is a whole podcast episode. Somebody could do about what really is the body of Christ? Because I don't think it looks like. Like what we think it looks like. It doesn't have to be, you know, this, this experience where I go to this little box and we all meet there together in this building, in this box, and we feel Jesus and we. We sing three songs and then the pastor preaches a sermon and everything is hinged on the sermon and nothing else matters. And everybody kind of worships the pastor because that's the only person that can hear God. That is not church. [00:39:57] Speaker B: Welcome to new age religion. Welcome to it. That's what it is. Now they worship the pastor and not the praise. [00:40:03] Speaker A: I mean, when you look at the early church, that is not what they did. [00:40:06] Speaker B: The Holy Spirit kill you if you did it wrong. [00:40:08] Speaker A: I mean, when they got together, it says that one person had a song, one person had a scripture, one person had an exhortation, one person had a prophecy, one person, like, it was so just collective and everybody had a part to play. And it wasn't this super, super stiff. It was a script scripted thing, you know? And so you and I, we kind of like that more. We would rather be in that kind of environment. But sometimes finding that environment is hard. [00:40:36] Speaker B: It is hard, but that's where communication steps in and you have to say, okay, let's go to this church this week. [00:40:41] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:40:42] Speaker B: And that comes down to being the spiritual leader of the family. [00:40:44] Speaker A: Sometimes I just tell you, please just make the decision for me, because I can't. I'm so exhausted from trying to figure this out. [00:40:50] Speaker B: Right. And I'm going to tell you right now, I think that our marriage is. We have equal say so in everything, as long as Shannon gets her way. So. I'm just kidding. [00:41:02] Speaker A: I think that was a passive aggressive remark. [00:41:05] Speaker B: I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. But no, seriously, though, you can be the spiritual leader of the family and you can also give your wife or your wife a voice. [00:41:17] Speaker A: Absolutely. [00:41:18] Speaker B: You don't have to be a dictator because just because you're married to one doesn't mean you're a dictator of the house. You think you are, you've got problems. You need counseling, but you have to sit down and you have to include your wife. The choice of where you guys want to go. And then once you make a decision, you say, okay, what do you think about this church? If she says she's never been, then you can say, okay, let's try it. Let's see what it's like. If one of us does not like it, then it doesn't make us equally yoked. We got to get away from that setting. [00:41:48] Speaker A: Yeah, Yeah. I think there has to be a joint, and I think that's how God wants to work, is he wants to speak to both of you so you collectively can make the choice. And you know what? You and I, because we were just talking about this the other day, like, are we really at the right church? I mean, we do this all the time, you know? And I was like, okay, let's go back and look at what has happened while we've been at this church. That's where you got, like, too many pros saved, I guess, or whatever you. [00:42:15] Speaker B: Want to call it. [00:42:16] Speaker A: I don't even know. I think you were already saved. But you, like, rededicate your life. [00:42:19] Speaker B: Yeah, I had a moment there. [00:42:20] Speaker A: We had, like, there was. There are so many good things that happened there that just. I was like, okay, I'm just feeling like, why would we leave if. [00:42:28] Speaker B: Right. [00:42:28] Speaker A: If so many good things happen, you know? And you're like, yeah, I think so too. So, yeah. Okay. I think that's our answer. We're just gonna dive in and do this and stop whining and complaining about it. [00:42:37] Speaker B: Yeah. I think the only. Only thing problem I had with. I feel like it was a concert when you first went. [00:42:41] Speaker A: Sometimes it does. And I'm just kinda like, you know, every church, though. [00:42:44] Speaker B: Yeah, it is. And that's not the place. [00:42:46] Speaker A: And I hate that because that, you know, I mean, there's a level of excellence that as a worship leader and as somebody who sings, I'd like, okay, there needs to be a level of excellence. But are we worshiping worship? I mean, is that what we're doing now? Because, like, I don't. I'm not okay with that. So I have some real strong opinions on that that I don't want to get into. Right, right. Okay. So we have talked about. Where are we. Can you. [00:43:10] Speaker B: We're on four finances. We already covered that. [00:43:12] Speaker A: Okay, well, we did. Let's just kind of hit that for a second, though. So we. Number one what was it? [00:43:18] Speaker B: Financial peace. [00:43:19] Speaker A: No, I'm sorry. The number one in this whole thing was the area of marriage. Two is the area of family. Three is area of faith. Four is the area finances. [00:43:29] Speaker B: That's a taboo subject to man. What does financial peace look like? [00:43:32] Speaker A: I think we had this conversation, but we didn't call it that. [00:43:35] Speaker B: We did. We had two or three podcasts ago. [00:43:38] Speaker A: You remember last year when I told you, I said, okay, I feel like the Lord wants us to ask him for a specific amount of money because he wants to pay all of our debt off. And at first you looked at me like, what? You're like, don't we need to earn it? Don't we need to? And I'm like, I don't know. I just feel like he wants us to call in and pray for it. So we've been doing that. [00:44:00] Speaker B: We have been. We still are. [00:44:01] Speaker A: But I'm thinking that's a vision. Like, you know, I'm just giving that as an example. Like, pray about it together and say like, okay, what is our financial vision for this next year? What do we feel like? [00:44:11] Speaker B: Right. [00:44:12] Speaker A: And for us, we want to get out of debt. We want to pay some of this dang credit card debt off. We want to build your business, we want to keep building mine, you know? [00:44:19] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:44:20] Speaker A: So that's what that looks like. And then alignment on spending, savings, generosity, culture. [00:44:23] Speaker B: We just covered that. In previous one, we talked about coming together and talking about finance. [00:44:28] Speaker A: That's where a lot of people fight. [00:44:30] Speaker B: Yeah, that's where a lot of the fights come from. Because I'm telling you, if I'll see on there. What are those red heeled shoes called? [00:44:36] Speaker A: Oh, Those expensive ones. [00:44:39] Speaker B: $4,000 for a pair of high heels. [00:44:41] Speaker A: There are women who spend godly, ungodly amounts. [00:44:46] Speaker B: She ain't going to Walmart to buy her clothes. [00:44:48] Speaker A: Hey, I did buy some jeans from Walmart. [00:44:49] Speaker B: Are you serious? [00:44:50] Speaker A: I did. [00:44:50] Speaker B: What? [00:44:51] Speaker A: I bought a jacket. I bought some jeans. They were so cute. I was like, oh my gosh, I've been missing. I need to come back to Walmart. [00:44:57] Speaker B: Yeah, but, but if there's one person of the couple that is spending an enormous amount of money on things that they want. [00:45:03] Speaker A: Did you say enormous? [00:45:04] Speaker B: I did say enormous. That's, that's, that's the express card. That's like the hyper expressed enormous. You know, it's like emphasized enormous. [00:45:14] Speaker A: It sounds like a dinosaur name. Enormous Rex or something. [00:45:18] Speaker B: Yeah, but no, if there's one part of the couple that is spending more on the things they want Instead of what you need as a couple or as a household, then there needs to be a discussion about that. Don't argue. Don't argue about it. Come to your. Come to that part. [00:45:31] Speaker A: Get a referee. [00:45:32] Speaker B: Respect. Yeah, yeah. That's where I would. That's where. Kind of where I put into counseling there with that. Because if that guy or that girl is dead set on doing what they want to with the money, then your communication is not going to be effective. [00:45:46] Speaker A: You got to get to the root of why, of the why. And I think that's a counseling situation. [00:45:51] Speaker B: Probably then generosity. I am a very generous person. I will give you the shirt off my back. [00:45:57] Speaker A: You are very generous. [00:45:58] Speaker B: Salvation army makes a fortune off of me every year between December 15th and January 1st. [00:46:03] Speaker A: You're digging those pennies out, man. [00:46:04] Speaker B: I'm digging out pennies. If I got a dollar, my wallet is going to the Salvation army, you know, as you know, it's a good cause. People are in need. People don't always have what we have for Christmas. So I'm like, okay, fine, I will donate, but don't be so generous with your money that it hurts your family. I went to a church in a small town nearby, and I think my dad told me this. He's like, there's a guy in our church who is donating his entire paycheck. Every time he gets paid, he brings it straight to the church. His family is starving to death. [00:46:35] Speaker A: Are you serious? [00:46:36] Speaker B: Yeah. His family is starving to death. [00:46:38] Speaker A: Okay. That doesn't sound like the wisdom from God. [00:46:40] Speaker B: Well, and the deacons got together with this man. He said, look, you're not being a good husband. This is not what God wants you to do, but thank you for what you're doing. We love you for that. [00:46:48] Speaker A: No, I'm so thankful that those deacons did what they did the right thing, because that's their calling, is to correct him in love. [00:46:55] Speaker B: Absolutely. And the guy realized what he was doing, and his family became a little bit better financially. He wasn't making a whole lot of money, but I believe in depending on God. [00:47:09] Speaker A: Well, here's what I would say. Okay. Well, a man is responsible for his family. [00:47:14] Speaker B: Absolutely. [00:47:15] Speaker A: God has an expectation on you that he doesn't have on me. And if you as a husband are not taking care of your family in that way, that is something you're gonna have to answer for. [00:47:25] Speaker B: Absolutely. [00:47:26] Speaker A: You know, so I think it is a really big deal to, you know, how do you weigh out? Okay. I feel like God's calling us here. [00:47:32] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:47:33] Speaker A: But that's gonna really hurt us financially. Is this really the Lord, you know, pray about it, get some other people involved. Wise counsel, other than just dragging your family through. [00:47:44] Speaker B: Right. You know, I agree with you. [00:47:45] Speaker A: Financial hardship that God may not be calling. I've seen many, many people through that. [00:47:49] Speaker B: Right. And then what do you want to pass down? What do you want? [00:47:53] Speaker A: Well, this is legacy. [00:47:54] Speaker B: Okay. We're on it. [00:47:56] Speaker A: Oh, I thought we were. [00:47:57] Speaker B: Yeah, we're on legacy now. [00:47:59] Speaker A: So we've covered family, our marriage, family, faith, finances, and then legacy is the other area that we see what is. [00:48:06] Speaker B: Okay. The dash in the middle between the birth and the death is the most important part of it. Right. That little bitty dash says everything about. [00:48:15] Speaker A: What do you want to want our lives and marriage to stand for? And this is something. When you and I wrote our purpose statement, I'm have to dig it out. Because what is built into our purpose statement is that we want to reflect God's heart for restoration. [00:48:29] Speaker B: Absolutely. And I think that we've done a pretty good job at that. [00:48:32] Speaker A: Yeah. We want people to look at our marriage and our business and everything that we do as a unit together and say, wow, God is a restorer. Look what God did in their life. [00:48:46] Speaker B: Well, if we had not leaned on God immediately, if you had leaned on God immediately after everything happened with me, I think that you wouldn't be here. [00:48:55] Speaker A: I don't know. I don't think you would be here either. You know, I think about that like if the devil had had his way and you, when you actually. If you actually pulled the trigger, you know, last year or 20, 24, actually a year and a half ago, you wouldn't be here. And where would I be? I don't know if I would be. [00:49:14] Speaker B: Well, you would have lost the house. [00:49:16] Speaker A: I would have had to sell this. I probably wouldn't have lived behind with my parents. [00:49:19] Speaker B: Can't do that. Brad and Cassie are there. [00:49:21] Speaker A: Well, I mean, I would have lived in their house. I don't know. There's no telling where I would live. [00:49:24] Speaker B: There's no telling. [00:49:25] Speaker A: And it would have been horrible. [00:49:27] Speaker B: It would have been. [00:49:28] Speaker A: And I can't even imagine. [00:49:29] Speaker B: Right. And I will never do that again. But what do you want to pass down to your kids? What do you want to pass down? I mean, not just material stuff, you know, but. But what do you want to be remembered as? You want to be remembered as that guy who was hot tempered and harsh. [00:49:44] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:49:44] Speaker B: Or do you want to be. Remember that guy as laid back? He'd go with the flow and he was always there to support you when he needs. When you need. [00:49:52] Speaker A: Like some. Something that Ali said to me one time, my daughter, for people who don't know. [00:50:00] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:50:01] Speaker A: So she wrote a blog post or she wrote a post one day on social media, and she was talking about how she remembered growing up and how it really impacted her prayer life is that she would see me and I would be in there praying at five o' clock in the morning, because that's the only time I had to pray because I had to go to work. She would see me in there wrestling with God, praying, crying out, reading my Bible. And that. That's what she remembers. [00:50:32] Speaker B: And that's beautiful eggs. [00:50:33] Speaker A: And, you know, I'm thinking, like, that stuff matters. Your kids are watching you. They're watching not just you dragging them to church. That's great. Drag them to church. My parents dragged me to church. But they are watching you. Like, what are you doing every day to live out, like, your relationship with God and your spouse. [00:50:51] Speaker B: Right? They are. They're watching you. And what you do dictates how the kind of people they're going to. Absolutely. It really does. [00:50:59] Speaker A: Getting heavy up in here. [00:51:02] Speaker B: It is. It is, but it's not. Like I said, it's just about. It's not about material things. Like, we know who's going to get the house when we pass away. I've already told you that. We already agree on that. [00:51:12] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:51:12] Speaker B: You know, whatever they want to do with it when we're done is whatever. I'm not here. I'm in a better house in heaven. But spiritually, like, like, like Shay said, you've got to leave spiritual legacy for them. Like, I know that Ali will carry that with the rest of her life. You know, Mom's gone, but I've seen her wrestle with the Lord on many occasions before daylight even happened. And that there's beautiful. That really is. That's something that. It helps her foundation in the Lord. It helps her. [00:51:42] Speaker A: And, you know, when I was doing that, I wasn't thinking about that. I was just thinking, I gotta pray or I'm not gonna make it today. You know what I mean? I gotta ask God for a miracle today. You know what I mean? That's all I knew to do, was to run to him. And I mean, I guess, you know, we think that we have to teach our kids by telling them things, but really we have to show them. [00:52:03] Speaker B: Right? Right. [00:52:04] Speaker A: And that really opened my eyes to how important it is. And I'm so glad that, you know, like, her and Dre they pray with the babies every night. [00:52:10] Speaker B: Oh, that's so beautiful. It's so cute. [00:52:12] Speaker A: I mean, Allie's always singing to them, and, you know, I mean, they are being raised in such a beautiful way. [00:52:18] Speaker B: I had a. I had a picture of Cohen on my phone whenever he was maybe one. He's walking with his drumsticks in the sanctuary. He's got one up like this and one down, and he is just air drumming the heck out of it. [00:52:30] Speaker A: Yeah, he called him Sups. [00:52:32] Speaker B: Yeah, he called him Sups. Yeah. His backpack was a kickback. Yeah, pop kick. [00:52:35] Speaker A: Pop kick. [00:52:36] Speaker B: It's a pop kick. Sorry, the grandparent, but that picture was my profile on my phone for so long because it just makes you feel good knowing your grandkids are getting that daily. [00:52:46] Speaker A: And he was watching his daddy play drums, and he wanted to play drums, you know, I think. So cute. And Holland's putting makeup on because she watched Ally put makeup on, you know. And when Ally was little, this is another little nugget that, as, I think a legacy that you can have is to really pay attention to your kids, like, what are they naturally good at? What are they interested in? And push them in that direction. Because when she was 7 or 8, she became obsessed with hair and makeup. And I got her this little. Well, the girl that was doing my hair said, hey, does your daughter want my little mannequin head thing that, you know, that you could. They could dye their hair, cut it, whatever. [00:53:27] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:53:27] Speaker A: And I'm like, yeah. And so Allie took that, and she would just fix that little thing's hair, and she. I mean, that's all she cared about. And then she became so good. [00:53:36] Speaker B: She was very good at it. [00:53:38] Speaker A: And then she ended up getting her licensed cosmetologist, and she's phenomenal at hair and makeup, and she does videos, and people are, like, upset, obsessed with what, you know, her products and what she recommends and how she does her makeup. So, like, that stuff matters, like, paying attention. That's a legacy you can have, is to really be a parent that's really watching your child and making sure that you are. You see that? Where God's gifted them and you actually help them develop that. [00:54:11] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. [00:54:12] Speaker A: So not only did I have the ability to develop her musically, but I was able to do that, too. And that was. It was beautiful because I got to see. Yeah, See that. [00:54:22] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. [00:54:23] Speaker A: I'm not building myself up here. I'm just saying I did a couple of things right with Ali. [00:54:27] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. [00:54:28] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:54:30] Speaker B: But at the end of the day, it's not about. It's not about. The plan doesn't have to be perfect. There is no perfect plan. We're not perfect people. [00:54:38] Speaker A: Just pick one of these areas and. [00:54:39] Speaker B: Just, you know, and work for rope, work towards it. Don't expect to always get there. Well, you know what? That's not true. I expect to do everything I set my mind to. But if you don't. [00:54:51] Speaker A: But you got to have a plan to get there, right? [00:54:53] Speaker B: Absolutely. You got to have a plan together. [00:54:55] Speaker A: And I will say, like, I set a goal the beginning of this year, and I'm sorry, 2025. And I remember when I started that year thinking, oh, my God, because you weren't working. And I was like, I don't know how we're going to make it this year. And the year started off horribly, and I wasn't out pursuing leads. I wasn't trying to build my business. I was just trying to survive and trusting God. And by the end of the year, I remember somewhere in that year, I had said to myself, I want to make X amount this year. I want to hit this target. And I hit it. Remember my last pay stub of 2025? It put me over my goal, and I was ecstatic because it just gave me this, oh, my God, I can do it. And just creating that kind of feeling, even for your marriage in certain areas. Oh, my gosh. We set this goal, and we really did do it. Maybe it's paying off a credit card. Maybe it's whatever, you know? [00:55:51] Speaker B: Right. Absolutely. [00:55:53] Speaker A: I think, like, because you and I are going away this weekend with some friends. [00:55:56] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:55:57] Speaker A: And I think this is a great topic. We can even bring this up with our friends and be like, okay, y', all, what. What do y' all want to set? Like, these areas? What's a vision you can work on in your marriage in these areas? And I want to do that with us. I want to look at these, because I think you need to reevaluate them. [00:56:11] Speaker B: Right. [00:56:12] Speaker A: Every year. [00:56:12] Speaker B: I think you do. I think you come together. That could be your New Year's resolution. [00:56:16] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:56:16] Speaker B: It's before New Year's hits. Sit down. Say, okay, what did we do? What did we not do? And then say, okay, that's a small part of it. [00:56:24] Speaker A: What are our goals this year in this area? [00:56:26] Speaker B: Absolutely. [00:56:27] Speaker A: And how can we take small steps together? [00:56:29] Speaker B: Absolutely. I agree with you. [00:56:31] Speaker A: I think that we're right an hour almost. [00:56:33] Speaker B: So, yeah, I think we can close that out. This is a. This is a big episode, so we can do those. That other segments if we want to, but I think that's pretty good. [00:56:42] Speaker A: Yeah. So sorry. I think we went a whole month without an episode. [00:56:45] Speaker B: Oh, gosh. Well, you know, the holidays were here and that job I was on. Oh, God, yeah. Yeah. But I'm going to include you in the jobs I have up in Lone Star. That's going to be fun. Anyway, look, guys, one thing I want to talk to you guys about is about the things that are going on in the world right now. Do not fear. If you're walking with the Lord and you're in a safe place, appreciate your American citizenship. Because any guy who's a soldier will know that anybody oversees, especially in the Middle east, the sandbox that we always called it, would know that they have not even one sixteenth of what we got here in this country. There's a lot of people who don't appreciate it. There's a lot of people out there who are saying bad things about us. But you know what? At the end of the day, they won't leave this country, even though they don't like it, because they know we got more than everybody else got. But with all the wars that were happening and the rumors, remember, this is the sign of the birthing. This is the sign of. I'm not saying the end times are here. I'm not saying, Jesus, come back tomorrow, because he's not. I'm just saying, get your clothes ready, gird up your loins, and walk that life with God. [00:58:01] Speaker A: And I want to say real quick, you know, I have the other podcast called Grace and Grit Mindset Podcast, and this week I released an episode, and it was a prophetic episode where, as God said, tell them to not be afraid. And so I just encourage you to listen to my other podcast. I'll try to remember to put it in the show notes here so you can click on it. [00:58:24] Speaker B: It's a very good podcast. I've listened to it before. [00:58:26] Speaker A: Well, I mean, that episode, that's the. [00:58:28] Speaker B: Sexy voice you got. [00:58:30] Speaker A: That episode I didn't think was gonna be good. But then when I started talking, I felt the Lord on it, and I'm like, okay, this is. This is. And it's also prophetic in that I talk about some of the things he showed me that are going on and things like that. So encourage you to listen to it. And, you know, definitely go to our website. It is under my name. It's shanawilliams.com backslash themarriageauker. And that's where you can see all about our marriage ministry what we do, the kind of courses that we have. But also you can inquire about the marriage reboot that we offer. [00:59:02] Speaker B: Absolutely. God bless you guys. We love each and every one of you who listen, all free of you. And we hope that we can do this more often in the future. My job takes me away for most of the day during the day, but I am going to start taking weekends off. That's one of year's resolution, no weekend work. I became workaholic again for the past three months and realized I had a problem. So I promised my wife and I promised the Lord that I would take the week. So anyway, I love you guys. Y' all have a blessed new year. I hope you have a blessed week, and we'll try to do this more often. [00:59:40] Speaker A: Yep. We'll see you soon. [00:59:41] Speaker B: Bye. Bye. [00:59:51] Speaker A: It's stronger than time. [00:59:58] Speaker B: Sa.